National Security issues and a desire to protect my sources prevent me from revealing exactly how I obtained this handwritten copy of Mitt’s prep notes for his upcoming debates with President Obama. I can only say that an Hispanic custodial worker named (or perhaps code-named) Haysus (not sure of spelling) found these notes in a trash can. I will transcribe them as accurately as possible, after the squirrelly suspiration below.
1. Practice smirking in front of mirror.
2. Have writers develop “zingers” that will confuse and astound that ni my opponent (Note to self – refrain from using phrases that might delight my base but could upset swing voters.)
3. Study Bush v Gore 2000 debate tapes – fast forward through Gore who looks stiff and uncomfortable.
4. Have staff try to get advice from GWB on how to look smug while smirking.
5. Practice smirking in front of mirror – I know I am already very good at smirking, but practice makes perfect!!
6. Maintain a look of utter disdain and incredulity whenever HE speaks.
7. Study Bush v Kerry 2004 debate tapes – fast forward through Kerry who looks stiff and uncomfortable.
8. Concentrate on the positive – ie my positive view of myself. REMEMBER! It’s all about ME!!
9. Have staff check out if I can say: “There you go again!” and get some Reagan bump.
10. Practice smirking in front of mirror - strive to achieve smugness in smirk (in case GWB fails to come through with timely advice.)
I’m rather certain that if I follow this simple ten point plan I WILL prevail and no other prep will be necessary.