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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: Residual Convention Afterglow
"The conventions were so different. The Democrats finally look like a real political party ... like the America I see when I walk down the street. The Republicans look like a seminar for how to flip real estate for Jesus."And campaign-trail genius from four years ago this week:
"Michelle Obama said the first car Barack picked her up in was so old you could see the ground below them. Today, Ann Romney said the same thing about Mitt's helicopter."
"Everyone is still talking about Bill Clinton's speech last night in Charlotte. It was a remarkable speech---45 minutes long and 6,000 words. Like the political version of the guitar solo from 'Freebird.'"
Stephen Colbert: What disappointed me most [about Obama's convention speech] was, he trotted out the same wild claim that Republicans have been working for years to disprove:
Clip of Obama: I'm the President.
Stephen Colbert: That is so arrogant! I bet you anything you'll never hear Mitt Romney say those words!
---The Colbert Report
"A new CNN poll shows that President Obama now has a six-point lead over Mitt Romney. You can tell Romney’s depressed. Last night he just sat on his couch and bought the Häagen-Dazs corporation."
"Here's the only thing you need to know about Todd Akin and human anatomy: he's an asshole."
"[Sarah Palin] knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America. And, uh, she also happens to represent, be governor of a state that's right next to Russia."Oh, if only he and she had won, all our troubles would be gone. Even the bedbug problem. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
---John McCain on Palin's foreign policy experience
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, September 14, 2012
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Talk Like A Pirate Day: 5
Days 'til Globalquerque! in New Mexico: 7
Jobs that would be created if the housing market suddenly started running at its full potential: 2.8 million
Obama-Romney head to head numbers among Tampa voters: 53%-41%
(Source: NBC-Wall Street Jounral poll)
Percent of voters who would rather have Obama and Romney, respectively, over for dinner: 52%-33%
(Source: ABC News/Washington Post poll)
Diameter a sphere would be if it was filled with all the freshwater in the world: 170 miles
Diameter of that sphere if all the salt water was added: 860 miles
NEW! Friday Joe Lieberman Wanker Walk Countdown:
Joe Lieberman will end his Senate reign of error in 123 days.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Odd couple Savannah & Max
you and I thank you
JEERS to the continuing madness. If your head is spinning over the explosion of unbridled outrage, you're not alone. The last few days we've witnessed an endless stream of chaos, madness, confusion, screaming, confrontation, finger-pointing, threats, backward-thinking and an almost total lack of self-control. And that's just the Romney campaign. I hear things are pretty bad in the Middle East, too.
CHEERS to a healthy analysis. This isn’t the freshest thing from the fish market, but I've been meaning to slip this in C&J and so here it is: E.J. Dionne interviewed Senate candidate from Massachusetts Elizabeth Warren before the convention in Charlotte, and she was her usual wonky-folksy self. No better advocate could we have on explaining the vision behind the Affordable Care Act:
a Kossack in good standing too!
"So here at Children’s Hospital in Massachusetts in the spring, we announced a study [of] . . . children who were asthmatic, and [it] had been serious enough that they had been hospitalized in preceding twelve months and had some number of visits to the emergency room. So these are pretty severely asthmatic kids. And they changed the treatment protocol. … they discovered that for every dollar spent early they saved a dollar forty six over the course of the year in treating these children.Versus the Republican plan: tourniquets, tort reform and bake sales. Oh, and if you show up with a GOP Congressional Gold Card, free ether sniffing.
Here’s the cool part. How did they end up saving so much money? By doing the right things at the beginning when the kids were healthier. So there were many fewer hospitalizations. Many fewer trips to the emergency room. Here’s the key to it: more kids who are playing outside. More kids who are able to join a sports team. More kids who are able to live normal lives, or lives that are closer to normal."
P.S. Warren has pulled into a dead heat with Dreamy McWhatsizface, and her new ad is great. Watch it here. When Brown hits the canvas in November, I hope it leaves a mark.
CHEERS to the most mangled lyrics in music history (if you don’t count Feliz Navidad or Louie Louie). On September 14, 1814, Francis Scott Key wrote The Star Spangled Banana after witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry with bananas during the War of 1812. When he signed the 1931 law making it our national anthem, Herbert Hoover performed his greatest act of compassion while in office. Namely, not making us sing the other three frickin' verses. (PLEASE: no one tell Mitt Romney they exist or he'll start warbling 'em and scare the elderly again.)
JEERS to the backsliders among us. The annual Values Voters Summit got underway today in the American heartland known as Washington, D.C. (I guess Kansas, Oklahoma and the Dakotas were all booked up.) It's an event where conservative sheeple-herders get together and lay out a clear agenda for taking America forward to the 1890s, thus proving that they not only suck at math but chronology as well. Meanwhile there's also a Stormfront convention going on at the same time in Tennessee. Here's how you can tell the difference between the two: one's a group of hate-filled extremists who harbor radical views and long for a cookie-cutter world where white men are white men and women and minorities know their place, and the other one's Stormfront.
CHEERS to real men in the big chair. On this date in 1901, 42-year-old Vice President (and one of People magazine's Sexiest Hunks of the New Century) Theodore Roosevelt became Commander-in-Chief when William McKinley died from a gunshot wound. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm really, really, really glad George W. Bush stayed alive when he was Smirker-in-Chief.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Whee!!! The new TV season is ramping up, and there are two debuts this weekend that I'm jonesin' for: Saturday Night Live (hosted by Seth McFarlane) and Season 3 of Boardwalk Empire. As for the former, my prediction still stands that they'll open with a Clint Eastwood/Empty Chair skit. What else is on? Tonight on Real Time, Bill Maher talks with John Feehery of The Hill, John Legend, Chris Hayes, Bob Costas and The Economist editor Zanny Minton Beddoes. New DVD releases include Snow White and the Huntsman (SPOILER ALERT: Huntsman fails to get the nomination after Snow White clobbers him with negative ads) and the Blu-Ray of Killer Klowns from Outer Space which I think is a Scientology documentary. Your baseball schedule is here---I'm bummed that my dream of seeing the Red Sox finish in next-to-last place instead of dead last appears to be fading fast. The NFL schedule is here (the Patriots will "deplume" the Cardinals---Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha). On 60 Minutes: en encore of a segment featuring the former "spymaster" of Israel's Mossad.
Sunday while Cindy goes shopping
Meet the Press: Susan Rice; Israeli P.M. Benjamin ICantSpellHisNamehu; roundtable with Bob Woodward, Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN), Rep. Peter King (R-NY), Andrea Mitchell and Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic.Happy viewing!
Face the Nation: This weekend it's Bob Schieffer's turn to babysit John McCain while Cindy goes shopping; plus Council of Foreign Relations President Richard Haass and former U.S. Ambassador to Israel Martin Indyk; roundtable with David Sanger (NYT), Bobby Ghosh (TIME) and CBS News' Margaret Brennan and John Dickerson.
This Week: U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Susan Rice; Middle East analysis with Christiane Amanpour, Brian Ross and Martha Raddatz; roundtable with Wes Clark, Liz Cheney, George Will, Gwen ifill and Jonathan Karl.
Bill Moyers & Company (link): The most mature adult on weekend TV talks with Katrina vanden Huevel of The Nation and constitutional law professor Jamie Raskin about how conservatives on the Supreme Court move heaven and earth to protect the super-rich. Also Craig Unger talks about the smear machine created by Karl Rove.
Washington Week: Doyle McManus (L.A. Times) and David Sanger (NYT) on the Arab unrest; Laura Meckler (WSJ) and Major Garrett (National Journal) on Ben Bernanke's latest "QE" plan which apparently means we're giving all our money to Queen Elizabeth.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Susan Rice; House Intelligence Committee Chairman Mike Rogers (R-MI). Which reminds me: the fact that Michele Bachmann is on the Intelligence Committee during the crisis overseas should scare the crap out of every American with a pulse.
Five years ago in C&J: September 14, 2007
CHEERS to catty skirmishes. As their campaigns heat up and January nears, watching the Republican candidates pound each other into the dirt will be fun to watch. This is Fred Thompson's communications director: "Mitt Romney will do anything, say anything, smear any opponent and flip flop on any position in order to win." The Romney campaign took a moment to denounce the charges as outrageous, and then continued filling Thompson's campaign bus with pig spleens. [9/14/12 Update: this time around they used cheesy grits. The pig spleens were apparently too subtle.]
JEERS to falling out of the friendly skies. Our current FAA chief---Mrs. Whatzername---is stepping down today. BusinessWeek's verdict? She sucked:
[I]t's clear she failed. Almost everything about flying is worse than when she arrived. Greater are the risks, the passenger headaches, and the costs in lost productivity. Almost everyone has a horror story about missed connections, lost baggage, and wasted hours on the tarmac. More than 909,000 flights were late through June of this year, twice the level of 2002.Her last official act today: booking train tickets for the trip home.
And just one more…
CHEERS to the ultimate spin machine. I hope you hugged your hard drive yesterday---the 56th birthday of the IBM 305 RAMAC (Random Access Method of Accounting and Control):
The total amount of information stored on its 50 spinning iron-oxide-coated disks--each of them a pizza-size 24 inches--was 5 megabytes. That's not quite enough to hold two MP3 copies of Elvis Presley's "Hound Dog."To show how far we've come since 1956, you can watch the original promotional film for it…on your gol'durn phone:
"It was about the size of two large refrigerators, about as tall as a person stands, and though it used vacuum tubes, it was always running," recalls Jim Porter, who worked at Crown Zellerbach in San Francisco in the mid-'50s and would proudly take people to the basement to see what he claims was the very first unit delivered by IBM. "It really turned the tide [in the Information Age]," he says.
Let's all say Happy Birthday to the hard-workin' hard drive: "01001000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01111001 00100000 01000010 01101001 01110010 01110100 01101000 01100100 01100001 01111001" And a 00010001 to grow an inch.
Have a great weekend! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?