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Welcome to Awards Edition Plus your one-stop snark shop for everything from the news that wasn't to the news which sadly, is. Today features some of our regular departments--the Awards Edition Plus Editorial with managing editor Lenin Cat, the News of Dubious Veracity Department, the Golden Douchenozzle Award and others with an unusual twist: today, we're raising money to pay our resident Daily Kos snarkmeister, Bill in Portland Maine.

So, follow me over the fold for a romp in the cesspool of snark, the almanac of asshaterry, Awards Edition Plus...

Awards Edition Plus Editorial

by Lenin Cat

It's that time of year again--fundraising time for Cheers and Jeers and our own Bill in Maine. Bill may grace the front page, but it's his readers--not Markos--who cut Bill's paycheck. Who says you can't make a living writing a blog?

Now there are always the humorless killjoys who think that all we should discuss here is electing more and better Democrats. Of course, that's the main purpose for the site but who can take a steady diet of discussing electing more and better Democrats? By the time I find a couple of more and better Democrats worth talking about electing I am already exhausted. Which is why I look forward to Cheers and Jeers every weekday. There is only so much serious we can take in a day when we're serious about better than the alternative progressive politics. We need a little lightening up. The "I hate (community, pootie, fundraising, comics, humor) insert genre here" contingent reminds me of people who think genitalia are only for procreation within church-sanctioned marriage: all they ever think about is sex, and they do so without any imagination whatsoever. No, even with the serious discussion we have here on Daily Kos we need humor. And pooties. And more and creative ways to have sex.

Cheers and Jeers is not just about humor, though. Just like the Daily Show is not just about humor either, Bill manages to tell some very hard truths while lampooning those who deserve it most richly. The Daily Kos policy wonks (and we love ya!) can give us all the charts, graphs and poll results they want, dripping with in-depth analysis, but when Bill in Portland Maine says something like this:

When Daylight Savings Time ends in November, Paul Ryan will only have to set his clock back 45 minutes.
We may laugh, but we're also grasping a serious political reality--you don't have to work blue to point out just how badly the GOP sucks.

Cheers and Jeers and Bill are important parts of Daily Kos. Let's donate today to keep Bill writing, and keep ourselves sane. Here's how you can do it:

One time contribution: click here.
$5 monthly contribution: click here
$10 monthly contribution: click here
$20 monthly contribution: click here

To send a donation via snail mail, the address is: Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.


--Lenin Cat

News of Dubious Veracity Department

Bill in Portland Maine To Close Kiddie Pool

Portland, Maine. The long-running Daily Kos humor column Cheers and Jeers may have to cease publishing according to writer Bill in Portland Maine. Speaking from Blackstone's Bar an undisclosed location on a cheap disposable cell phone made by sweatshop labor, Bill told us "Writing Cheers and Jeers is a very expensive proposition. First there is the therapist bill, and that's kinda high. Then there is the rum and coke bill, and as any Colombian can tell you, the price of coke isn't getting any cheaper. Without an increase in pledging units, I don't see how I can go on. I would be forced to give up writing the column and I'd have to switch from coke to crystal meth..."


Awards Edition Plus Cartoon Department
by cartoon editor Ericlewis0


Strange Coincidences Department

Fisrt, Paul Ryan is caught lying about his marathon time. Then, The New Yorker writes about Kip Litton, a Michigan dentist who has a strange hobby: lying about his marathon times. Coincidence? I don't think so. I think it's a conspiracy.


A Word from Commonmass

It didn't take me long after finding Daily Kos to find Cheers and Jeers. It's been part of my daily routine for nearly the entire four years I've been here. I've met many people through C&J who are now a part of my real-live, meatspace circle of friends and acquaintances. Bill does more than just write funny stuff, he helps to build community and can even enlarge a person's circle of friends. I'm lucky to be able to drive down the street and slip my donation under his door (That reminds me, I had better do that myself and soon!) but if you don't live nearby, see the contact info above and how super-easy we've made it to send a donation to keep C&J alive.


The Golden Douchenozzle Award

The Golden Douchenozzle Award is given periodically to politicians and public figures for rank hypocrisy and general asshattery.

However, today, the Golden Douchenozzle Award is being given...TO YOU!!!

Here's how it works: make a one time donation of 300.00 or pledge 25.00 a month for one year and you will receive an actual golden douchenozzle award in the mail straight from the golden douchenozzle factory, Irrigation Solutions, Inc located behind the Burnham and Morrill baked bean factory by Back Cove, right here in Portland, Maine. No Kidding! a GENUINE GDN award!

I will make a maximum of three awards available. Pledge in the comments before 5pm in this diary. You'll get a KosMail so that you can tell me where to send the award. If you pledge, make sure you do so by signing up at the links or sending a check!

So get to it folks, DONATEAMACATE!

12:05 PM PT: UPDATE: For those of you who might have been following the employment saga, I got the job in Yarmouth.

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