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Dear Mitt:

While you were perhaps correct in describing your videotaped comments from May as inelegantly stated, I concur with Our Spiritual Leader Rush that this current farrago represents a golden opportunity to be seized with both hands. While you may have to concede territory to Obama in terms of Likeability, Competence, and Basic Human Decency, you can now claim the category of  Elegance as your own and show that Chicago guttersnipe the meaning of class. Because if the Bush Administration has taught us anything, it's how much Americans value elegance. To this end, I have drawn upon the Golden Age of American Elegance as represented in 1930s musicals, in particular the weightless grace of Fred Astaire and the pithy wit of Irving Berlin in that famous ditty "Top Hat." I suggest that you entertain the great unwashed with your own  soft-shoe rendition of that number with a top hat and cane. (Clearly,it's time for you to forsake those awkward CEO-on-casual-Friday-jeans and to own your class origins. It's also high time we heard those lovely pipes of yours again.) It's surprising how little tweaking the lyric needed to be brought up to date-- is that because you yourself give off a very 30s Herbert Hoover vibe, Mitt?

Top Tax

I'm cuttin' back the top tax.
Firin' up the white guys,
Brushin' off the polls.
I'm suckin' up to donors,
Puttin' down the workers,
Diggin' lots of holes.
I'm speakin' out, my dear,
To make an atmosphere
That simply reeks of class;
And I trust that you'll excuse my flubs
When I fall on my ass.
For I'll be there,
Puttin' down most voters,
Hoistin' up the white flag,
Droppin' in the polls.


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