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For a long time I resisted doing this, just because I didn't think it was a big issue.

My sexuality is supposedly a private thing, ya know?  Something that you're not supposed to bother other people with or "Shove In Their Faces".

Course that just has everybody assuming that because I have children and have had enjoyable sexual relations with women, that I am Straight.

Well, sorry folks, I have to break up your comfort zone a little.  I'm Bisexual.

Now, if you would please do me the favor of following me over the flip, I'll explain why that's a big deal.

(Personal is political, and all that over on the flip.)

First off, I resent the automatic assumption that I just need to identify as attracted to whatever gender I'm currently sleeping with.  It doesn't work like that.  Just because I might be in a relationship with a male, doesn't mean I am gay.  It means that I'm a Bi-sexual, who's in a relationship with a man.  Period.  Which leads to my second problem.

I am NOT going to automatically cheat on somebody that I'm with because I may have an attraction to someone else.  Now, this is a little hard for some folks out there to understand.  Yes, I find women attractive.  Yes, I find men attractive.  Yes, I have in the past been hit on by both.  When I was in a relationship.  I didn't cheat then, because I was WITH someone.  I was in the parlance of the dating community "Taken."

Now, does that mean that all Bi-sexuals are faithful to one partner?  Hell no, and I wouldn't demand that of any of them.  For the same reason that a straight Rethug cheating on his wife with another woman doesn't invalidate all  heterosexual relationships.  And heck, some don't WANT to be faithful and don't insist on it in their relationships.  But so do some straight folks.  Honestly, the cheating issue only seems to come up when someone is trying to invalidate a Bi-sexual's orientation.

I am NOT confused.  I'm 36.  I've known I was bi since I was 25.  Of course, that was also when I was in acting school, and really had to use my own experiences in scenes.  Had to confront a lot of my REAL feelings, and it opened my eyes.  Course when I came out, everybody told me I was just gay.  Which was appropriate for the relationship I was in at the time.  But it wasn't the full story, and I didn't press the issue because I was afraid of alienating those people who had immediately given me their full support.

And to all my queer allies, I love ya.  Really.  There is a group of you out there who have been very supportive.  Not enough of you, and not as often as I'd like, but you have been there for me.  I just wish that some of you, (Not naming names) would stop trying to get me to identify as a fully gay.   I'm not.  Sorry that bothers you.

I'm not trying to claim heterosexual privilege anymore.  It's really something that is easy to fall into when every time you say "I'm Bisexual with two wonderful kids" everybody assumes that you're just a straight who wants to be popular.  And that's the one that REALLY gets me.  The whole Popular thing.

We're not really popular.  Oh, don't get me wrong, Bi SEX is really popular, especially when it's woman on woman, but nobody really seems to like us out and about.  I imagine I'd have much less hatred for the Republican politicians who cheat on their wives with men if they were out about being bi-sexual, but somehow, it's more "Shameful" to admit that you are attracted to all orientations rather than claim to be gay.  

And finally, the disease thing.  Yeah, I didn't want to have to bring it up, but it seems to come up in every discussion about this.  I use protection...  most of the time.  Unfortunately, I've already been struck with the most terrible STD imaginable:  Parenthood.  Yep, it's terminal, and I'll live with it the rest of my life.  Now as far as the other diseases go, I don't sleep around at random, nor do I fail to use protection on the few occasions when I've been really slutty.  So, honestly, the real issue is being stupid, and I really, really try not to be.

So there ya are.  I am not trying to speak for anybody but me.  I've been in all kinds of relationships.  Gay, Straight, Bi, and Poly.  I am not your typical guy.   Then again, almost nobody on the planet truly falls into the perfect stereotype.     But I'm Out.  Again.

I'll try this again in 10 years if people don't believe me at 36.

Originally posted to detroitmechworks on Fri Sep 21, 2012 at 08:51 AM PDT.

Also republished by Milk Men And Women, Angry Gays, and LGBT Kos Community.

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