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Fade in on a bustling Emergency Room in Mitt Romney's America.

Patient: Um, excuse me.

Nurse: Yes, how can I help you?

Patient: Which line is for cancer?

Nurse: I'm sorry.

Patient: Cancer? Which line do I get in to be treated for cancer?

Nurse: I-- I still don't understand.

Patient: Well, I watched Sixty Minutes last night and I know that the first thing that Mitt Romney is going to do when he becomes President of the United States is repeal the American Care Act and I have a preexisting condition... so I can't get health insurance.

Nurse: Um... OK...

Patient: ...and now I'm coughing up blood... and my mother smoked all through my childhood... and I'm pretty sure I have cancer and what I just want to know is: what line do I get in to get treated for cancer?

Nurse: There-- there is no "cancer line"--

Patient: What do you mean?

Nurse: We're not really equipt... in the Emergency Room... to cure cancer. For that you should be seeing specialists.

Patient: Fine. Where is the line for the specialists?

Now up walks a...

Second Patient: Hey, where's the line for Alzheimer care?

Nurse: One second, I'm helping...

Second Patient: It's not for me. It's for my father... (points)... over there. He lost his job and so once Mitt Romney is President he won't have heath care again and I just need to know... where's the line for Alzheimer care?

Patient: (Sympathetic) I'm looking for the line for Cancer Care.

Second Patient:  (Sympathetic) Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck.

Patient:  (Sympathetic) Same to you.

Nurse: Look, we don't have specific lines for specific kinds of care. Plus Alzheimer is a LONG TERM problem and we don't really do long term health in the E.R.

Patient: You don't?

Second Patient: Well, then why are we here?

Patient: Wait, wait... I SAW Mitt Romney on Sixty Minutes?  He said we don't have to just sit home and die!

Nurse: Of course, you don't have to--

But they are interrupted by...

Third Patient: Hey, where's the line where I get help with daughter's epilepsy?

Patient: (explaining, exasperated) They don't have lines for things.

Second Patient: (explaining, exasperated) And they don't do long term care.

Patient: (explaining, exasperated) And they don't have specialists.

Nurse: Why don't you all just fill out these forms?

(The Patient, The Second Patient and Third Patient look over the forms, then...)

Second Patient: Wait-- Wait-- It's asking for forms of payment here. Does that mean my father will have to pay the ENTIRE EMERGENCY ROOM BILL?

Nurse: Well, if he doesn't pay, and he has no health insurance to pay, then the hospital has to make up the bill elsewhere and then we have to pass those losses on to all patients and the cost of healthcare goes up.

Patient: That's HORRIBLE.

Second Patient: Why the hell doesn't our government pass some sort of... I don't know.... BILL or something... so we aren't standing around an Emergency Room looking for a lines that don't exist?

Just then, up walks...

Fourth Patient: Where do I stand in line for a pap smear?


Fifth Patient: Yeah, hey, I'm pregnant and I need a well baby exam? Where's the line for that?


Sixth Patient: Hey, excuse me... I've had an erection for more than four hours...

Nurse: Yes. YOU we can help. Follow me.

As all the patients now start screaming at the nurse...


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