I have a confession to make. I hate the bizarre ritual we are required under social etiquette to go through after somebody sneezes. You know what I'm talking about. Somebody sneezes...it's then a race for everybody else in the room to blurt out "Bless you!" The sneezer then thanks the blesser, as if some kind of profound favor was just performed. And then, if it's a multiple-sneezer, we go through the same shit again. And again. And again. Sneeze. Bless you. Thank you. Sneeze. Bless you. Thank you. Sneeze. Bless you. Thank you.
Is it just me, or is this...weird? When you really stop to think about it, you have to admit that it's stupid. The whole freaking thing is just dumb, through and through.
Now, mind you, I always try to say "bless you." Not because I want to, but because it's required of me. I feel like a complete and utter dick if I don't say it. So I participate in the ritual regularly. God forbid there should just be silence after somebody sneezes. They might get the plague or something (that's supposedly why we say "bless you," right?). Since, in this society, not saying "bless you" is tantamount to kicking a puppy, I do my best to go through the motions.
But sometimes I don't. And all hell breaks loose. Follow me below the fold.
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First of all, let me be clear: I never intentionally neglect to say "bless you." God forbid--I'm not a monster! But saying it is not second-nature to me. There's a reason for this...well, two reasons. First, it's stupid. Second--and probably the reason I think it's stupid--I was not raised to say "bless you." My parents felt the exact same way about this ritual, and they refused to take part in it. When I sneezed at home, I was never blessed. When they sneezed, I was not expected to bless them. So saying "bless you" is a conscious act for me that I trained myself to do because, let's be honest, if you don't say it you're considered an ass.
And, since it's not second-nature to me, sometimes I screw up and don't say it. For example, today in Kroger.
I was in the produce section when a woman standing nearby sneezed. But I wasn't really paying attention...I was busy picking out the veggies I wanted. Like I said, it's not second-nature for me to stop everything I'm doing and scream "BLESS YOU!" as if a lightning bolt is going to penetrate the ceiling and fry her if I don't. So I remained silent.
As I turned to walk away, we locked eyes for a moment, and she said (all frowny-faced and bitter-like), "Thank you."
And, of course, it then registered that she'd sneezed and I'd neglected to play my prescribed role in this archaic ceremony that is apparently so vitally important to our society's health and well-being.
So what did I do? I apologized. I don't know why, because I'm not sorry, but I apologized nevertheless. Shame on me for not carrying out my proper function as a blesser. How many Hail Mary's should I say to make this right?
Honestly, the more I think about it, the more it bugs me. I did nothing wrong. But yet...I did.
Here's what I think. Instead of people being expected to say "bless you," sneezers should be expected to say "excuse me" after they sneeze (which is something people rarely do, and are never expected to do). After all, sneezers are the ones spraying everybody and everything in their vicinity with their germs and nastiness. Sometimes they don't even cover their mouths. So sneezers are the ones who should be burdened with the requirement to say something after they sneeze.
I'm just saying.
TOP COMMENTS
September 28, 2012
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From emeraldmaiden:
This comment by Tamar points out the lack of empathy embodied even in Romney's reasons for passing Romneycare in MA. The man may have no soul. It's certain that he has no heart.
From leu2500:
In Kaili Joy Grey's diary, Common Green had a special reason to contribute. He started a hilarious thread.
From 2thanks:
If we need wit, ask for Smoh. In weatherdude's diary, he begins with this quote:
"Ann Romney's biggest concern if her husband becomes president would be his ability to maintain his 'mental well-being,' she said in an interview Thursday with KTVN in Reno, Nev." (CBS News)
Here is the set-up comment by Cecile. The Top Comment by Smoh follows immediately.
If we need more wit, we ask for Some-moh. ;^)
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September 27, 2012
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