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You: I like to think and act differently, yet still maintain high moral and ethical standards.

Society: Fuck you, stop being weird.  

Time to unwind with a good book. What's a book, you ask? They're like tablet computers, but for smart people who hate trees.

The gravest threat to heterosexuality is not homosexuality. Unisex bathrooms on the other hand could bring down the entire house of cards.

A  guy asked me what I thought about gay marriage. I said maybe we should try just living together first.

My future self showed up this morning to make us both french toast. He wouldn't explain why. I guess french toast gets banned at some point.

I don't claim to have all the answers, but maybe we should stop putting needles in haystacks in the first place.

People who say "I'm not made of stone," we know this. No living creatures are made out of stone.

So many of my problems can be solved with a jet pack.

Your first mistake was assuming that I say shit that makes sense. Your second mistake was touching the life into seventy carpet stuff.


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