From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
I Know What'cher Thinkin'
The third quarter of 2012 has officially been squished like a junebug, and that means it's C&J number-crunching time. Every few months we post the results of some past C&J polls (no relation to the PPP polls commissioned by Kos) to give you a snapshot of our collective neural activity which, if we could bottle it, would probably violate several federal, state and local bottling laws. These are from July through September, and the total number of votes each poll received is in parentheses:
Ben Franklin marvels at your smarts.
(He talks to me at night.)
96 percent wish you could go into "retroactive retirement" and still get paid at least $100,000 a year, as campaign poobah Ed Gillespie claimed Mitt Romney did in July. (3,856)
When George W. Bush released a new book containing his miracle plan to fix the economy, 28 percent of you said it should appear in the comedy section, 18 percent said the horror section, and 16 percent thought it belonged in the 50-cent bargain bin, which is where it sits today. (6,629)
During his Obnoxious American Tour, 66 percent of you thought Mitt Romney made the biggest ass of himself in Britain, 29 percent said Israel and one percent said Poland. (5,130)
34 percent of you followed the Summer Olympics more than you expected to, versus 28 percent of you who followed them less. (4,262)
Towards the end of August, 53 percent gave the Obama-Biden campaign an 'A' in terms of keeping the (romney)-RYAN campaign off-kilter and playing defense. 36 percent gave 'em a "B." (7,525)
88 percent of you pay more than the 13% in federal income taxes. (5,613)
89 percent favor a long-term national project to start burying our nation's power lines to minimize storm-related outages. (5,095)
Zero percent believe that Mitt Romney will wield any future influence in the GOP if he loses. (9,264)
A bunch of us actually agree with Romney on one thing: 36 percent echo his fist-pounding demand that passenger jets be equipped with life-saving roll-down windows! (5,655)
Oh, and back in July I wrote this fearless prediction: "I'll be able to count on one hand the number of Romney bumper stickers I see in Maine between now and November." As of October 1, I've seen one Romney yard sign and one Romney bumper sticker (on a car with Massachusetts plates). But Obama-Biden 2012 stickers sure are classin' up a lot of jalopies up here!
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Note: Due to our new un-skewed time/space calculation methodology, this year October will have 14 days, November will have 18 days, and December will have 60 days. Please cut and paste your wall calendars accordingly. ---Dept. of Weights & Measures, Fox News Bureau
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By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til the 2012 general election: 10 9 8 7 6 5!!!
Days 'til the Prater's Mill Country Fair on Georgia Hwy 2: 11
Obama-Romney matchup among Maine voters who make more than $100,000 or more per year: 51%-38%
(Source: Portland Press Herald-Critical Insights poll)
Doses of flu vaccine that have been distributed: 85 million
Percent of Americans who got a flu shot last year: 42%
(Source: CDC)
Rank of Chicago, New York City and Philadelphia among cities that gained the most residents less than two miles from their city hall: #1, #2, #3
(Source: Census Bureau)
Number of NFL teams besides the Detroit Lions who have given up kickoffs and punt returns for touchdowns in back to back games: 0
(Source: Some guy on twitter)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
You’re so fucking stupid, you’re still licking the stupid old loser’s asshole. No wonder you’re so familiar with hemorrhoids. You say I’m voting another oligarchy? Well, if Romney turns to be as bad as you lunatics say he is, if and when the shit hits the fan, I at least have the option of moving to at least 2 countries (it used to be 3, but Spain doesn’t look too good now), unlike you Paulbot losers. But it won’t come to that, I’m sure. Now, if you retards prevail and your boy TEH WON is re-elected, then all bets are off.
---Commenter Conshispanic at the Michelle Malkin blog
All together now: 1…2…3…
Classy!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Oh, shaaaaaaaaame…
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The House Republican Halloween
Caucus, yesterday around noon
CHEERS to October. Busy month! Fall kicks into high gear for leaf-peepers and cider-lovers; Team Obama-Biden takes on Team (romney)-RYAN in a four-pack of debates as a huge chunk of voters cast early ballots; Barack and Michelle Obama celebrate their 20th anniversary tomorrow; the tea party hosts rallies across the country on Sunday the 22nd to celebrate National Babbling Day; we re-open the "Columbus was a hero/Columbus was a genocidal maniac" debate; United Nations Day is the 24th (assuming Benjamin Netanyahu's Looney Toons bomb doesn't go off first and kill us all); Daylight saving time for European Union countries ends on the 28th; and a High Holy Day for gays (and, according to unsubstantiated rumors, small children)---Halloween---looms large. This year I'm dressing up as the scariest person I can think of: President of the United States after President Romney dies unexpectedly of a blown head gasket Paul Ryan. (The horror…the horror.) Heads-up, pancreas---here comes another ten-pound bag of candy corn!
CHEERS to the love-in in Lowell. "I'm not a student in your classroom," said a testy Scott Brown last night as his senate rival Elizabeth Warren was in the process of handing him his dunce cap after thoroughly schooling him in last night's debate. The biggest jaw-drop happened when Brown was asked who his favorite Supreme Court justice was and he professed his love for…Antonin Scalia. No more explanation is needed beyond Digby's tart tweet:
"Naming Scalia is a big boo-boo. Kagan was the right answer---she's from Massachusetts."
Advantage: Warren. But, at the same time, it's worth reminding everyone that there's no reason for Elizabeth to go around measuring any senate office drapes yet. I called dibs on that job months ago.
The U.N. General Assemby, moments
before absolutely nothing happened.
JEERS to another dog and pony show. The United Nations General Assembly
assembled and disassembled for another year yesterday. The speeches by the prime ministers, presidents, dictators, chairmen, chiefs, poobahs, lords and overlords (both tyrannical and benevolent) basically boiled down to:
"We got SPIRIT yes we DO we got spirit HOW 'BOUT YOU!" There were two Kodak moments: Benjamin Netanyahu's
silly cartoon bomb, and the defection of an Iranian man whose job was literally to
snap Ahmadinejad's Kodak moments. But not everyone is unhappy. The folks at
ACME Lectern Repair and Spittle Removal Service
will be busy through Christmas.
Look up "gravitas"
in the dictionary...
CHEERS to portraits in contrast. Forty-five years ago today, on Oct. 2nd, 1967,
Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the newest member of the Supreme Court---the first African-American elevated to the nation's highest bench. He once said:
"Today's Constitution is a realistic document of freedom only because of several corrective amendments. Those amendments speak to a sense of decency and fairness that I and other Blacks cherish."
Today there's an African-American on the bench named Clarence Thomas. He once said, "How did this pubic hair get on my Coke can?" Potato Puhtato.
P.S. The Supreme Court got back to business yesterday. As usual, Roberts, Alito, Thomas and Scalia make up the wanker wing of the court. You can remember that easily by their official acronym: "RATS."
JEERS to employees who are not up to the task at hand. Brian Williams proudly announced last night on NBC Nightly News that Andrea Mitchell would be the network's "official fact-checker" during tomorrow night's debate. That was moments after Andrea Mitchell said in a report that "Nixon should've shaved" before his 1960 debate with John F. Kennedy. Fact: he did shave before that debate. But, as Tricky Dick himself said: "I can shave within 30 seconds before I go on television and still have a beard.” So, yeah, Andrea Mitchell will be their fact-checker Wednesday night. No word yet on who her fact-checker will be.
CHEERS to thr skinny brown guy with the big ears and the funny name. India's favorite son, Mahatma Gandhi gets a 143 percent birthday discount at Denny's today, and we wish him many blessings on his camels. He pretty much wrote the book on non-violence which, closer to home, was copied to great effect by Martin Luther King, Jr. among others. One of my favorite Gandhi quotes:
Look up "courage" in the dictionary...
"When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it---always.
I do. Hell, it’s what got me through the Bush years.
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Four years ago in C&J: October 2, 2008
JEERS to hyper overhype on hyperdrive. The conventional wisdom was that the first Obama-McCain debate would attract 100 million viewers. The reality: 52 million tuned in...less than the first Kerry-Bush debate. Thus making the real winner of last Friday night's contest...high school football. Go team!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to people who don’t suck. Every Friday our C&J poll asks, "Who won the week?" Obviously a subjective thing, but we do try to round up a representative sample of the people and/or happenings that warrant the biggest "Booyeah!" of the course of each week. It's a little reminder that all is not lost on the third planet from the sun. And right on schedule, the gold-star winners for the third quarter of 2012 are ready to take a collective bow. I have to say, I never expected to see federal judges, the British media, Mother Jones journalist David Corn and President Obama in a four-way tie for bragging rights with two wins each. The envelopes, please…
July 6 Peter Higgs (83) and the wizards who appear to have discovered the Higgs-boson particle
July 13 The Boston Globe, Talking Points Memo and David Corn, for their reporting on the growing Mitt Romney/Bain Capital bombshells
July 20 The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, for starting to monitor credit-rating agencies and issuing its first public enforcement action--$210 million from Capital One
July 27 The British officials and media who slammed Mitt Romney for his arrogant comments about the Olympics and other gaffes
Sorry, winners. I drank all
the booze out of it already.
August 3 The British press, for telling Mitt 'The Twit' Romney to shut his gob and bugger off after he dropped a gaggle of pre-Olympic clangers like an ignorant slag
August 10 NASA, after the Mars rover 'Curiosity' landed on the planet surface and started snapping Polaroids.
August 17 The federal court that struck down a Republican attempt to reduce the number of early voting days in Florida because it violates the Voting Rights Act
August 24 The wisdom of African-Americans, as the latest polling of them shows 0% support for Romney
August 31 The judges who overturned Republican voter suppression efforts in Florida, Ohio and Texas
Sept. 7 The DNC, Charlotte, and the amazing roster of speakers who put on a memorable Democratic convention
Sept. 14 President Obama---strong poll numbers, mature leadership (with huge assist from SecState Clinton) amid Middle East turmoil, salutes Olympians…and gets pick-me-up from pizza man!
Sept. 21 Journalist David Corn and James Carter IV, who released the secret Romney '47% of Americans are moochers' tape
Sept. 28 President Obama---net job creation news, U.N. speech, strong poll numbers, huge campaign crowds
Who will bring home the Gold in the fourth quarter? If I had to predict, I'd say no one with the initials "WMR."
Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Ain't nothin' wrong with bein' a little Bill in Portland Maine!"
---Honey Boo Boo
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