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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

Mitt Romney Teaches His Base How To Chant

Crowd: Ry-an!...Ry-an!...Ry-an!

Romney: No no no! You're doing it all wrong, my friends. It's Rom-ney Ry-an…Rom-ney Ry-an! Try it, my friends. One two three…

Crowd: Chris-TEE!...Chris-TEE!...Chris-TEE!

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney addresses the Detroit Economic Club during a campaign stop at Ford Field in Detroit, Michigan February 24, 2012.  REUTERS/Rebecca Cook  (UNITED STATES - Tags: POLITICS ELECTIONS)
"Oh, you empty seats are terrible chanters."
Romney: Negative! Negative! My goodness, strange things are happening, lemme tell ya! Try it again, my friends, I'll say it nice and slow: Rom-ney Ry-an…Rom-ney Ry-an…

Crowd: Rubi-O!...Rubi-O!

Romney: What's the matter with you people?!! Are you mocking me for sport? Look, you got me as your presidential nominee. Not Paul Ryan. Not Chris Christie. Not Marco Rubio. Me Me Me Me Me!!! I'm stiff, I'm aloof, I'm privileged, I like to fire people, I don't care about the very poor, I don't know what a doughnut is, I have creepy requirements for the height of trees, I can't back up my policies with facts or "math" or any of that nonsense. But I'm still your nominee, and if I was a cursing fellow I'd put a big juicy expletive at the end of this sentence. Now, for the sake of party unity let's try it again and this time get it right, people! One two three: Rom-ney Ry-an…Rom-ney Ry-an…

Crowd: Jeb!...Jeb!...Jeb!...

Romney:  Pilot! Roll up those jet windows. We're outta here.

Maybe he'd have better luck teaching 'em zingers..

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Note: The colorful autumn leaves we think are so beautiful are actually in the process of dying a horrible senseless death that will end in a terrifying plunge to the hard, unforgiving earth below, where they will rot and disintegrate, their legacy forever lost, their true thoughts and feelings forever an unsolved mystery.  And for what?  FOR WHAT???
---A public service message from your friends at the Maine Dept. of Natural Resources

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til James Bond returns in Skyfall: 37
Days 'til Fantasy Fest ("A-Conch-Alypse") in Key West: 16
Percent of Mainers who support and don’t support, respectively, Obamacare: 47%, 38%
(Source: Portland Press Herald-Critical Insights poll)
Percent of Americans who said crime was the most important problem facing the country in 1994: 52%
Percent who say that now: 1%
(Source: Gallup via USA Today)
Estimated rate of the water flow in that Martian stream bed when it was active billions of years ago: 3 feet per second
(Source: NASA)
Chance that an American between 18 and 34 thinks Facebook is "likely to fade away": 1-in-2
(Source: Harper's Index)

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Mid-week Rapture Index: 185 (including 6 Volcanoes and 1 Raptor Rodeo Jesus).  Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.  

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Puppy Pic of the Day:  Saved!

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President Obama:
CHEERS to Bain vs. Brain.  Yes, folks, we have arrived at that succulent moment in every presidential election year that marks the beginning of the end: the first debate.  Mitt Romney's got his zingers locked and loaded.  President Obama's got his positions on the tip of his tongue.  Moderator Jim Lehrer's got his ergonomic seat cushion placed "just so" and his brandy flask securely strapped to his ankle.  The netroots fact-checkers have Google at the ready.  And municipal water treatment plants are on standby for gushes of flushes during commercial breaks.  Here's my drinking game for tonight: take a swig every time Romney delivers an awkward zinger or punts on specifics by saying "That's an issue for me and the Congress to figure out," and knock back a shot every time Obama commits a major gaffe that sinks his presidency in one untethered moment.  Happy swigging!  (You can leave your shot glass in the cupboard.)

Gray shirt
This is news.
JEERS to pearl-clutchers suddenly becoming less pearl-clutchy.  Meteor Blades is right: the party (SPOILER ALERT: Republicans) that spends a big chunk of its time wailing about the non-existent problem of "voter fraud" isn't saying much today about the very real problem of "voter registration fraud."  But they have a good reason: they have met the criminals and it is them.  They're so deep in doo-doo of their own making that they've had to shut down their voter registration efforts in half a dozen swing states.  And isn’t it funny how this Massive Republican Voter Registration Scandal That's REAL hasn't become a big blowup story in the establishment media, given the Mount Everestian level of fraud and hypocrisy involved.  I guess it's kinda hard when there are more important issues to cover, like Mark Zuckerberg's wardrobe.  Sorry I brought it up.

JEERS to spreading creepy-crawlies on your next sandwich.  If you have Trader Joe's peanut butter in your pantry, you should know that there have been 30 cases of salmonella poisoning from it.  As an extra precaution, Sunland, Inc. is expanding its recall of potentially-damaging nut products.  Topping the list: Bachmann, West, Gohmert, Foxx, Arpaio, Issa, Akin, Ryan and Walsh.

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Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!

This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man.  Kossack Melvynny asks: Can you be off topic in C&J?

No.

Now back to Cheers and Jeers.

Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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Angus King
Although it worries me that King
has Tom Friedman's mustache.
JEERS to tax hacks.  Full disclosure: I'm rooting for independent Angus King to replace retiring Olympia Snowe in the Senate, and not just because he's a fan of C&J.  I think he was a good left-of-center governor for eight years and he'll hit the ground running.  He's also wily.  When his Democratic and Republican challengers started calling for him to release his tax returns---which neither of them had yet done---he scooped 'em by releasing his returns before their deadline and leaving them both flatfooted.  King---who will caucus with Democrats on account of he's not crazy---is 22 points ahead of the Republican and 38 points ahead of the Democrat.  Election day is in 34 days.  Thankfully that's one date that doesn't allow extensions.

CHEERS to 24 hours of vittles, gratitude and football.  This country is SO…EFFING…STINGY…with holidays and free time in general.  It's like relaxing equals mooching or something, and it's ridiculous.  But at least Honest Abe Lincoln gave us a little respite when he was president.  On October 3, 1863, he gave a speech in which he proclaimed the last Thursday in November as "Thanksgiving Day."  Then the tryptophan kicked in and he fell asleep.

CHEERS to drudgery.  I was happy to read Josh Marshall's post yesterday at TPM, in which he explains why he ditched a certain right-wing muckraker of some popularity:

Bullshit button
What Drudge pushes when
he posts a new headline
I despised most everything that [Matt Drudge] stood for, from rancid politics to integrity free journalism, the endless lying.  But I visited the site ALL THE TIME.  And the reason was simple.  Before social media…it was just a great way to know what was happening---both in the most basic sense of what was happening and also what was being talked about.  And then maybe half a dozen years ago I just lost interest.
That's exactly my experience.  I go there once in a blue moon, and it's the same sleazy garbage custom-targeted to the paranoid fist pounders.  Of course, he still rules Mark Halperin's world and provides a conveyor belt of fodder for the right-wing food chain.  But his blinky light is now a dim bulb---he hasn’t caused a stir in eons (no, not even the "New Obama Race Tape," which was DOA when it flopped onto his page yesterday).  Undeveloping…

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Four years ago in C&J: October 3, 2008

JEERS to the expectations game.  All week long the traditional media perpetuated the VP debate meme that "the bar is being set very low for Sarah Palin," seemingly unaware that they were the ones lowering the bar.  Excuse me, but since when do we lower bars for candidates when the country is in two wars and going through the worst economic collapse since the Great Depression?  Jeebus farking cripes, people, the bar should be set somewhere around the top of Mount Everest (which Biden handily cleared), not a millimeter above Dennis the Limbo Dancer's nipples.  But there it is: Sarah Palin was dynamite because she didn't climb on top of her lectern and take a dump.  Long live the Republic.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to two decades of lovebirding.  Don’t forget to call President and Mrs. Obama on their direct line today (555-1212) and wish 'em a happy 20th wedding anniversary.  Like everyone, I keep up on all things matrimonial by perusing the online pages of Bridal Guide, and they note, as I have, that it was quite rude of the debate committee to schedule their first Obama-Romney throwdown on their big day.  But Michelle's taking it in stride:

Oct. 3, 1992
"All I said was, 'At least we'll be together. … I'll see him right before and I'll watch him on stage," she said. "I'll give him a kiss after the debates and [say], 'Happy Anniversary.' … I'm going to make him write it on his hand. 'Love you, honey' so that when he waves, it makes 'I love you honey,'" she added.
Although that might be a bit awkward if moderator Jim Lehrer waves at him first.  By the way, the traditional wedding gift for this year is china.  The president will buy Michelle new White House place servings.  As opposed to Mitt Romney, who celebrated his 20th with Ann by outsourcing a factory to Guangdong.

Have a nice Wednesday.  Here's something to think about.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"You don't want Obama.  You really don't want Obama because he'll get rid of your Cheers and Jeers.  You might as well say goodbye to it."
---Romney Phonebanker

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Poll

Are you planning to watch the debate tonight?

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| 7512 votes | Vote | Results

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