From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Mitt Romney Teaches His Base How To Chant
Crowd: Ry-an!...Ry-an!...Ry-an!Maybe he'd have better luck teaching 'em zingers..
Romney: No no no! You're doing it all wrong, my friends. It's Rom-ney Ry-an…Rom-ney Ry-an! Try it, my friends. One two three…
Crowd: Chris-TEE!...Chris-TEE!...Chris-TEE!Romney: Negative! Negative! My goodness, strange things are happening, lemme tell ya! Try it again, my friends, I'll say it nice and slow: Rom-ney Ry-an…Rom-ney Ry-an…"Oh, you empty seats are terrible chanters."
Romney: What's the matter with you people?!! Are you mocking me for sport? Look, you got me as your presidential nominee. Not Paul Ryan. Not Chris Christie. Not Marco Rubio. Me Me Me Me Me!!! I'm stiff, I'm aloof, I'm privileged, I like to fire people, I don't care about the very poor, I don't know what a doughnut is, I have creepy requirements for the height of trees, I can't back up my policies with facts or "math" or any of that nonsense. But I'm still your nominee, and if I was a cursing fellow I'd put a big juicy expletive at the end of this sentence. Now, for the sake of party unity let's try it again and this time get it right, people! One two three: Rom-ney Ry-an…Rom-ney Ry-an…
Romney: Pilot! Roll up those jet windows. We're outta here.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Note: The colorful autumn leaves we think are so beautiful are actually in the process of dying a horrible senseless death that will end in a terrifying plunge to the hard, unforgiving earth below, where they will rot and disintegrate, their legacy forever lost, their true thoughts and feelings forever an unsolved mystery. And for what? FOR WHAT???
---A public service message from your friends at the Maine Dept. of Natural Resources
By the Numbers:
Days 'til James Bond returns in Skyfall: 37
Days 'til Fantasy Fest ("A-Conch-Alypse") in Key West: 16
Percent of Mainers who support and don’t support, respectively, Obamacare: 47%, 38%
(Source: Portland Press Herald-Critical Insights poll)
Percent of Americans who said crime was the most important problem facing the country in 1994: 52%
Percent who say that now: 1%
(Source: Gallup via USA Today)
Estimated rate of the water flow in that Martian stream bed when it was active billions of years ago: 3 feet per second
Chance that an American between 18 and 34 thinks Facebook is "likely to fade away": 1-in-2
(Source: Harper's Index)
Puppy Pic of the Day: Saved!
JEERS to spreading creepy-crawlies on your next sandwich. If you have Trader Joe's peanut butter in your pantry, you should know that there have been 30 cases of salmonella poisoning from it. As an extra precaution, Sunland, Inc. is expanding its recall of potentially-damaging nut products. Topping the list: Bachmann, West, Gohmert, Foxx, Arpaio, Issa, Akin, Ryan and Walsh.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Kossack Melvynny asks: Can you be off topic in C&J?
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
has Tom Friedman's mustache.
CHEERS to 24 hours of vittles, gratitude and football. This country is SO…EFFING…STINGY…with holidays and free time in general. It's like relaxing equals mooching or something, and it's ridiculous. But at least Honest Abe Lincoln gave us a little respite when he was president. On October 3, 1863, he gave a speech in which he proclaimed the last Thursday in November as "Thanksgiving Day." Then the tryptophan kicked in and he fell asleep.
CHEERS to drudgery. I was happy to read Josh Marshall's post yesterday at TPM, in which he explains why he ditched a certain right-wing muckraker of some popularity:
he posts a new headline
I despised most everything that [Matt Drudge] stood for, from rancid politics to integrity free journalism, the endless lying. But I visited the site ALL THE TIME. And the reason was simple. Before social media…it was just a great way to know what was happening---both in the most basic sense of what was happening and also what was being talked about. And then maybe half a dozen years ago I just lost interest.That's exactly my experience. I go there once in a blue moon, and it's the same sleazy garbage custom-targeted to the paranoid fist pounders. Of course, he still rules Mark Halperin's world and provides a conveyor belt of fodder for the right-wing food chain. But his blinky light is now a dim bulb---he hasn’t caused a stir in eons (no, not even the "New Obama Race Tape," which was DOA when it flopped onto his page yesterday). Undeveloping…
Four years ago in C&J: October 3, 2008
JEERS to the expectations game. All week long the traditional media perpetuated the VP debate meme that "the bar is being set very low for Sarah Palin," seemingly unaware that they were the ones lowering the bar. Excuse me, but since when do we lower bars for candidates when the country is in two wars and going through the worst economic collapse since the Great Depression? Jeebus farking cripes, people, the bar should be set somewhere around the top of Mount Everest (which Biden handily cleared), not a millimeter above Dennis the Limbo Dancer's nipples. But there it is: Sarah Palin was dynamite because she didn't climb on top of her lectern and take a dump. Long live the Republic.
And just one more…
CHEERS to two decades of lovebirding. Don’t forget to call President and Mrs. Obama on their direct line today (555-1212) and wish 'em a happy 20th wedding anniversary. Like everyone, I keep up on all things matrimonial by perusing the online pages of Bridal Guide, and they note, as I have, that it was quite rude of the debate committee to schedule their first Obama-Romney throwdown on their big day. But Michelle's taking it in stride:
"All I said was, 'At least we'll be together. … I'll see him right before and I'll watch him on stage," she said. "I'll give him a kiss after the debates and [say], 'Happy Anniversary.' … I'm going to make him write it on his hand. 'Love you, honey' so that when he waves, it makes 'I love you honey,'" she added.Although that might be a bit awkward if moderator Jim Lehrer waves at him first. By the way, the traditional wedding gift for this year is china. The president will buy Michelle new White House place servings. As opposed to Mitt Romney, who celebrated his 20th with Ann by outsourcing a factory to Guangdong.
Have a nice Wednesday. Here's something to think about. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"You don't want Obama. You really don't want Obama because he'll get rid of your Cheers and Jeers. You might as well say goodbye to it."