Sources high up inside the Republican Party here in NC let slip recently at a pre-debate cocktail party what their budget plan really is--the critical October surprise. It will instantly balance the budget, provide an all-round tax cut, AND ensure the future of all medicare and other social support programs (although this aspect of things was not being talked about so enthusiastically). GOP operatives are confident that this will swing the election their way almost instantly.
It involves a cunning set of linguistic and financing moves in relation to the military, combining the best in financial expertise from both Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. I have to say, even as an avowed Democrat, that I like it. There are two simple steps to complete budgetary solvency, if not surplus. Thank you GOP!
1. The military budget will be split into two portions after a careful budgeting exercise called "strengthening American's military." The amount of money needed to defend America, which is basically the amount of money needed to maintain the navy, will from now on be called the "defence budget." The remaining 80% of military expenditure will be renamed the "offense budget." In this way the GOP will continue to win the battle to frame the debate in the hearts and minds of the American people. Strong on defence AND strong on offense.
2. Using time-worn GOP economic and political principles, the offense budget will be opened up to free market forces. The invisible hand will organize all foreign offensive wars in future. In this way foreign wars will be more efficient. They will also, from now on, be strictly user pays. Only those placing capital into the foreign wars market will be able to play in them. The Government, which has been fairly "big" in this relation for far too long, will be rolled back, and eventually eliminated. Military entitlements will cease because, as Ryan purportedly said, "ongoing matter-of-course payments to soldiers are a sad case of fake jobs that have created dependency in our military. Lazy soldiers have resulted and this must clearly stop." Mitt Romney was characteristically less ideological and more pragmatic. Bain capital is expecting to enter the foreign wars market aggressively, although there is apparently controversy at the highest levels of the GOP over whether foreign wars should be outsourced, as he prefers. Senator Lindsey Graham purportedly said that there was particular disquiet in his state over the possibility of outsourcing ground operations to the Chinese. There is also apparently continuing discussion over whether headquarters could be permissibly moved offshore, especially to neutral countries like Switzerland.
GOP fundraisers have begun placing a large fund-raising infrastructure in place to raise money for the appropriate foreign wars to stay ahead of the Democrats. Karl Rove is apparently about to launch a new Super-Pac, "Crossbow Enterprises."
Apparently a new logo is being tested for this company. It shows Jesus in a confident stance holding a crossbow at the ready, a speech bubble saying "bring it on." (Originally some talked of "Go ahead make my day," but this slogan now has unfortunate connotations.) Some focus groups have said that the figure's physique and facial dimensions remind them of Chuck Norris, but a spokesperson for Crossbow said that Jesus was in fact significantly taller. He added that people will need to be pro-life to apply for jobs with the new Super-PAC.