The "Joint Press Conference"
1 oz Kahlua
1 oz Bailey's Irish Cream
1/4 tsp sugar (for the Democrats)
Dash of bitters (for the Republicans)
Mix, then add to 3 oz soda water (for fizz) in a cocktail shaker. Shake vigorously for 2 seconds; serve immediately. Consume in one go. Suffer for two hours.
Repeat two times between now and Election Day.