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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello, human diary. It is I, Mitt Romney, your better.

I am now fully prepared for this evening's debate. I have equipped myself with many zinged statements, several witticisms, and three personal anecdotes that are not about dogs or firing people. I have prepared a complimentary remark with regards to the local Denver foodstuffs. I have memorized the name and face of the planned moderator unit, so that I am not fooled by any attempts to substitute a different moderator unit.

I plan to mention the troops serving in Afghanistan at least once, regardless of which question is being asked. I have prepared a lengthy list of various numbers, many of which can be used interchangeably. I have expunged my mind of all nuance and detail, and have practiced making sincere facial expressions for many hours. I have learned two references to modern culture that I shall use to endear myself, and am arrayed with a variety of polite statements to make about various teams of sport.

There is nothing else to be done. Fully prepared, I shall now sit motionless for several hours so to not jostle loose any of my new learnings.

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