"I built it myself, without no help from the government," says Kentucky businessman Wayne "Lil' Peepee" Snod. He was talking about his tinfoil hat factory, located seven miles out of Lyinryan, KY, a rural enclave set amongst rolling hills.
Snod, 52, first got the idea in late August of 2006. "I'd been getting these messages. you see," he told us. "Liberal satellites are up there beaming' down their socialist propaganda and I needed some way to block it off. I hit on the idea of makin' me a little tinfoil hat because, you see, them beams can't get through the tin. Well, it worked pretty dang good and pretty soon my hunting' buddy. J.T., asked if I'd make him one, and it just kind of growed from there."
Today Snod employs 187 people at Constitutional Defense Caps (CDC). "They all work for minimum wage," Snod says proudly, "but I'm lookin' into movin' the whole thing to China. Them little commies will work their little hind ends off for a bag of rice, and I don't have to chip in to no unemployment insurance or any of those other liberal socialist programs. Best of all, people will still be buyin' from an American company."
Snod began by custom sizing hats for his family and neighbors but as the company grew that became too expensive. "Now we got a one-size-fits-all," he said. "That's our best seller, but the Extra Large and the kids sizes sell good, too. This Christmas we're introducing our new Ultra model, which not only blocks the rays from the government satellites but also receives the audio from Fox News."
Though sales of Snod's tinfoil hats is primarily regional at the moment the entrepreneur says he's seeing an increased interest outside the South. "A few orders from Montana, and a lot from My Blue Heaven – that's what they call Idaho, you know. And folks around Chicago and Southern California, especially San Diego and some place they call Orange Country. I guess because of oranges."
But, Snod admits, the vast bulk of his sales originate below the line from Arizona to Arkansas to North Carolina. He believes he knows why. "Them rays ain't aimed up north because them people are already socialists. They been bombarded with rays forever. That was originally a U.N. project, which most people don't know. They used black helicopters before they added the satellites."
Snod is especially proud that he built the company himself, without government interference. "I got the loan from the Small Business Association myself. I got a million dollar jobs grant by filling out the paperwork myself. I cut payroll by installing a robot developed by the state university, and I made that decision myself. I got the Country to four-lane the road in front of the factory myself. I got a waiver from local and state taxes, and I lobbied for a new interchange on the interstate by myself, so my trucks can get on easier. I'm a job creator so I don't have to pay no property taxes for ten years, and they hooked us up to city water and electric for nothing', and I arranged all that myself without any government help, thank you."
CDC's research and development department is working on a method to embroider the name of a customer's church, or a political slogan, on the hats. "Havin' a little trouble with that," Snob conceded. "Embroidry and tinfoil don't seem to work together just right, but we'll solve it. Or maybe the little commies will when we close up the factory and outsource everything. Time will tell."
Snod is currently in negotiations with Newt Gingrich for a celebrity endorsement.