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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

These commoners continue to confound me. Of all the things my campaign has focused on over the last few months, now it is firing a large television bird that is gaining the most attention? I have already clearly explained to them that we will need to fire that bird in order to pay for the required tax cuts for job creators, by which I mean myself. If we do not fire large swaths of people, we will not be able to create jobs, and the number of people who will need jobs will be much greater after we have fired them all so it make sense to fire as many of them as possible in order to create those jobs.

Wealthy Americans have no use for improperly tall television birds. I have watched that show before, and found it boring, pedantic and entirely implausible. Why do these obviously lower class residents not simply eat the large bird? Why are unidentifiable creatures allowed to live in garbage cans—is there no law enforcement at all, in America? And C should not be for Cookie. C should be for Capitalism, or perhaps for Credit Default Swaps. At the least we ought to be teaching these irritatingly perky little urchins about proper wealth management techniques.

My apologies, Mr. Diary, I am just reminded of how misguided these commoner units are. In better news, my post-debate experiment in forgoing all sleep continues. So far everything seems to be going smoothly.

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