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Seriously, you guys. You should all read Atlas Shrugged if you want to know the future, because if Obama is reelected, all of you people are going to be unemployed.

If that collectivist ideologue gets four more years, I'll have had it. I'll go on strike. And, since I own the factory, once I go on strike you're all screwed.

Once I go on strike, you'll see how indispensable I am. Without me, who do you think is going to spend other people's money to keep this factory up and running? Who do you think has the chops to turn millions of dollars in bank loans and investor capital into products that people buy?

Don't even think about trying to bring in a replacement owner. Replacement owners don't know how to create jobs. The replacements don't possess my expertise in telling you guys what to do so that I can make lots of money. After a couple weeks with a replacement owner, you'll be begging me to come back.

And, just maybe I will come back, if you ask nicely. But I won't come cheap. To secure the services of an owner with my skill level, you're going to have to come up with my standard management consulting fee. Don't worry about being able to afford it. I'll let you borrow the money. You might have a little bit more long-term debt on the books but at least you'll have a job so that you can pay it off.

Listen wage slaves: once I go out on strike, you're not going to be able to attract any more of the capital investments that keep this factory running, because I'm going to set up a picket line right outside, and any money crossing the line will be scab money. I'd like to see any of you run a business with scab money, or pay your mortgage or your rent with scab money. Or buy your groceries.

Fortunately you're not going to have to try to do that because with your help we're going to elect Mitt Romney to the highest office in the land. And once he's elected he's going to run this country like a business. And he's going to turn this ship around. Because Mitt Romney is a turnaround specialist!

Of course, to secure the talents of such a man, you're gonna have to pony up. Specifically, Mitt Romney's gonna need you to give up your Medicare benefit. You don't need to give it up right now, of course. No one's Medicare is going to be taken away during the eight years that Mitt Romney might be president. Actually, pay no attention to what I just said. No one's Medicare is going to be taken away, period. Wherever did you get the absurd idea that Mitt Romney would change Medicare in any way, shape or form?

Did Steve tell you that, perchance? Ha. Steve.

Anyway, the reason Mitt Romney needs you to give up your Medicare is that he needs to reinvest that money to make sure that America has the strongest military in the world.

You see, over the years that Mitt Romney's spent going around creating jobs, he's made friends with lots of other job creators just like him and me. And for reasons you need not concern yourself with, Mitt Romney's job creator pals keep an awful lot of their money and investments overseas, in other countries. Sometimes they keep their stuff in countries that aren't too friendly to us. So in order to protect our valiant job creators' assets, we've got to have a strong military to keep those countries in line. If those assets go away, then so do the jobs!

I know what you're thinking, but try not to worry. Once the jobs come back we can start taking care of our elderly again.

But listen up, folks, because electing Mitt Romney is not all we have to do. We also have to elect a Republican Congress. Look, we've all witnessed over the past four years how useless a divided government can be. And if Mitt Romney is forced to deal with intransigent Democrats trying to block him from turning this country around, he might just get sick of the whole thing and go on strike!

And just who do you think you're going to be able to get to be President then?

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