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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

Tonight is the debate between the vice presidential units. I expect Mini-Mitt to do well, although I am concerned about the legendary unpredictability of the current vice president. If he eats my vice presidential pick, am I then allowed to choose another? What if he merely injures my nominee, such that he is still technically alive, but is unable to fulfill whatever duties vice presidents are supposed to have (note: ask Eric F. what duties vice presidents are supposed to have).

As campaign event, we will be inviting one commoner to come watch the debate with me while eating dinner. We have chosen a pizza pie as the dinner most likely to be familiar to commoners. There seems to have been a misunderstanding when arranging this promotional opportunity, as I was under the impression that the commoner would be chipping in for the pizza pie, and the staff seems to believe I should be providing the pizza pie free of charge. We debated this at great length until, finally, one staffer offered to pay for the entire pizza pie if it would just end our discussion of it. I accepted, and now I do not have to pay for any of the pizza pie. I did not gain my status as a unit of great wealth by paying for pizza pies, Mr. Diary!

Originally posted to Daily Kos on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 05:00 PM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos Satire.

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