Last night, Bill Maher ripped into Focus on the Family and other right-wingers for being so WRONG all the time, and yet never apologizing for being so, so wrong.
And finally, New Rule: I don't expect the far-right Chrisitna group Focus on the Family to agree with me on everything — or even anything — but they do have to answer one question. If you're doing God's work, and God is perfect, how come you're always wrong? (audience applause) Is the problem that you can't follow instructions, or is Jesus just dicking you around?
Now, I bring this up because in 2008, Focus on the Family tried to frighten their vast mailing list of snake handlers and early onset dementia patients by sending out a letter with a set of predictions about what our great nation would look like if we elected that evil Count Chocula as our President.
And of the 34 predictions they made, they got right exactly none. 0 for 34. So I'm just saying, they claim to work for God, but for some reason they're always wrong, and it's always a disaster. It's like if every time you tried to put together some bunk beds from Ikea, you died and woke up in hell, blowing a guy named Sven. (audience laughter)
So, if I may, let me relay some of the predictions Focus on the Family made about what would happen if Obama became President.
The Pledge of Allegiance: gone.
The Boy Scouts of America: gone.
Private guns: seized.
Abortion: free on demand.
And worst of all, pornography is available at gas stations. Yes, titty magazines right there at the Arco. And just when everything else was going so well. They almost got one right when they predicted the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, but then they went on to say it would lead to turning the Navy into a Fire Island booze cruise sponsored by lube. (audience applause) Oh, and I almost forgot, America has single-payer health care. That's the funniest one of all!
Now look, I know who Focus on the Family is. They're an anti-gay lobbying group disguised as a church — basically, the "God Hates Fags" guys crossed with Bain Capital. (audience applause) So I'm not surprised they'd be trying to scare rubes into giving them money. That's what grifters do.
But 0 for 34? Star Trek didn't get much right about the future, but a few things: flip phones, Bluetooth, women with green skin being hot? C'mon. But look, now that Obama's first term is almost over, and America has not turned into one big gay circle jerk, you would think they would apologize. "Sorry Obama, we confused you with RuPaul." (audience applause)
But no, no. There are no apologies on today's far right. Like last year, Trump claimed his private eyes in Hawaii were finding amazing things about Obama's birth certificate. Even though the only amazing thing they found was how easy it is to con Donald Trump into paying for your vacation. (audience laughter) But he was never forced to take a public walk of shame. He just got to pass the baton on to the next liar, Mitt Romney.
Mitt Romney said in 2007 it wasn't worth going into Pakistan to get bin Laden. And in 2008, he predicted that if Detroit got their bailout, "you can kiss the American automotive industry goodbye".
Is there no penalty anymore for just being wrong? Wrong! Forget ideology! (audience applause) Forget ideology! You thought something in the future would go a certain way, great stakes were riding on whether you got it right, and you didn't. All the Republicans in '93 said Clinton's raising taxes would destroy the economy, and it did the opposite. In 2003, George Bush was certain Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. In 1964, Ronald Reagan said Medicare would destroy our freedom. As Joe Biden says, "folks, use your common sense".