OMG, everyone freak the fuck out RIGHT NOW because Barack Obama—who is black and also probably from Kenya and is a socialist Muslim Nazi Marxist liberation theologist who is black—is coming for your daughters, not for sexytime, but, even worse, for voting!
Just watch the practically not-safe-for-work video above, in which Lena Dunham—who is a white woman and also, obviously, a slut, since she's sort of talking about being a virgin—uses fancy double entendre talk to encourage people to vote:
Your first time shouldn’t be with just anybody. You want to do it with a great guy. It should be with a guy with beautiful … somebody who really cares about and understands women.See?!?!?!? This is the most awfulest thing that has ever happened since ever! Thank God—you know, that bearded dude in the sky who gift wraps rape babies for lucky ladies—we have the entire conservative universe to tell us how awful it is to use sex metaphors about voting:
A guy who cares about whether you get health insurance, and specifically whether you get birth control. The consequences are huge. You want to do it with a guy who brought the troops out of Iraq. You don’t want a guy who says, “Oh hey, I’m at the library studying,” when he’s really out not signing the Lilly Ledbetter Act.
Or who thinks that gay people should never have beautiful, complicated weddings of the kind we see on Bravo or TLC all the time. It’s a fun game to say, “Who are you voting for?” and they say “I don’t want to tell you,” and you say, “No, who are you voting for,” and they go, “Guess!”
Think about how you want to spend those four years. In college age time, that’s 150 years. Also, it’s super uncool to be out and about and someone says, “Did you vote,” and “No, I didn’t vote, I wasn’t ready.”
My first time voting was amazing. It was this line in the sand. Before I was a girl. Now I was a woman. I went to the polling station and pulled back the curtain. I voted for Barack Obama.
“Lena Dunham allows herself to be used in this cheap, last minute attempt to be the first for young women,” wrote Breeanne Howe in a piece that led RedState.com. “Dunham, who was raised in a wealthy, over-sexualized household and who started therapy at age 7 must somewhat be forgiven for her role; she seems to have a thing for talking about her first time, the Obama administration was just happy to oblige. The problem is, this is an adult man, with two young daughters, who should know better.”Oh Jesus, no! She came from a wealthy family? Not that! Anything but that! If there's one thing conservatives can't stand, it's wealthy white families! Clearly, this ad encouraging people to—shudder, gasp!—vote signals the end of civilization.
Thank you, Totally Not Ridiculous In Any Way CNN contributor Erick Erickson, for calmly and rationally explaining what we're all thinking right now, which is that because someone compared voting to sex for the first time ever, we're about to blow up in a fiery ball of depravity and—
Wait. Wait, what? It's not the first time someone has made such a comparison?
I know what it’s like to pull the Republican lever for the first time, because I used to be a Democrat myself, and I can tell you it only hurts for a minute and then it feels just great.But ... but what kind of fallen, depraved, worse-than-Hitler monster could ever say such a thing?
Saint Ronald freakin' Reagan, the original oversexed presidential candidate who's coming for your daughters. That's who. But please, conservatives, carry on with your outrage over a recycled Reagan joke about voting, while simultaneously dismissing rape as no big thang. It doesn't make you seem completely bugfuck crazy at all.
Had enough of the Republicans and their War on Women and their belief that sex is bad but rape's a gift from God? You know what to do. Please give $3 to each of our Daily Kos-endorsed women candidates for the House and Senate, so we can send more, better women to Congress to fight back against the Republicans' War on Women.