Last Friday night, I sat with a group of my former students at IHOP after a performance of our fall play. My current students were nearby, but the alumni got the honor of joining me for our ritual post-show celebration. Sitting with me were two gay men, a bisexual woman and a (self-proclaimed) asexual woman. Me, being the trans-lesbian drama teacher, filled out the rest of the LGBTA. Now, I understand the irony that of all my former students with me that evening, none of them were straight. And if those who think that
1)my being out and
2)my students knowing I’m out (and proudly out at that) and, worse,
3) that I am happily married to a straight woman
may just make my students more likely to not be straight or, worse, think that not being straight is perfectly acceptable well…join me after the curly thing because I think they may be right.
You see, my students know me as someone who came out to them, who does not hide who she is. Who lives authentically and, as a result, is a much happier person than she used to be. And they know me as a person who, beyond her LT encoding, is their drama teacher and their mentor and sometimes even their friend. And by knowing me as a person, a trustworthy person, they know someone who is not straight and come to see that there is nothing wrong with that…that I am perfectly acceptable as their teacher and mentor and sometimes friend.
They also know my spouse, an incredible lady who loves me unconditionally and completely and even though she is not sexually attracted to women, our marriage has always been about more than sex and she has stayed with me through my transition and my surgery. My students know her and know that ours is a marriage to be admired because it is built on friendship and love. They know that our marriage, like any other, is perfectly acceptable.
Some of them struggle with their own identities, LGBTA or straight and interestingly different and see me as a role model because I have been where they are and I understand what they are going through and I live it every day and I am joyfully myself and embrace who I am and who they are and, as a result, they know someone who makes it okay, if only in my Safe Zone of a classroom, to be their own unique and wonderful selves without fear that someone in authority will tell them they are wrong to be who they are. That they can be themselves because they know I am myself, that is not only perfectly acceptable, it’s a wonderful thing.
And so here I am, their teacher, not standing in front of them “teaching gay marriage” but simply being myself and showing them that marriage equality is a great thing and being yourself is an amazing thing and that no one should have the right to say any different…like those who think that my marriage being legal will turn my students gay and who are so beyond wrong in their worldview that people should find their best happiness so long as it doesn't hurt others...well, I cannot even fathom where they are.