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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

It is now November, at long last, and so there are now only a few days left until the election. How this time did not fly! I am still hurriedly traversing the nation, or at least I am traversing several states, speaking to commoners about how I know what is best for them and will tell them what that is after they have elected me. Technically, I am currently only traversing Virginia today, but Virginia is a surprisingly large state.

To be honest, campaigning at this late stage seems rather pointless—I have already said all of the various things I had planned to say, and I stopped asserting opinions on most things quite some time ago, even before the primaries had ended—but it is important to keep up appearances. As compromise, I have at least convinced the staff to schedule the last campaign events as close to my own house as possible.

In one final effort to remind commoners of the wholesome and traditional family values that I might stand for, for one of our final events the staff has scheduled a musical group known as "Kid Rock." That should be quite pleasant and entertaining, as children these days do like to rock. Yesterday I made sure my staff collected some of their own children's Halloween candies so that we could give them to the rocking children; it is part of my new post-hurricane strategy of giving foods to commoners so long as I do not have to pay for them.

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