(Dayton, Ohio; Milwaukee, Wisconsin; Des Moines, Iowa) In rare joint press conferences held on a whirlwind tri-swing state tour, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan expressed frustration at being "plumb out of ideas" on how to make a show of their concern for Hurricane Sandy victims.
"I'd say watching Chris Christie making one adoring statement after another about Barack Obama during their tour of New Jersey while we struggle for ways to look good while campaigning in swing states is the real disaster," chuckled Governor Romney while giving the impression of what a sad face might look like.
Romney told a crowd of supporters gathered in a Dayton, Ohio high school gymnasium that his campaign staff would be operating campaign disaster relief phone banks to receive ideas on "how to repair the damage of looking crass and artificially caring while campaigning."
Vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan chimed in, "Should I use my family to barge into more soup kitchens in Ohio who truthfully don't want us while looking caring and compassionate for the photo op? I think you can see, we need your help."
Mustering sincerity while turning his head back and forth at precise 45 degree angles, Mr. Romney asked, "Or should we buy more canned goods at local Wal-Marts that the Red Cross does not want and then hand the 'provisions' out to our supporters just so they can hand them back to me as they come into camera range?" Then the former Massachusetts governor, apparently moved to the point of eye darting, added, "Obviously, you can sense what a disaster this is for our campaign."
Romney thanked his supporters for their "many idea donations." However, Romney would not reveal the suggestions, only saying that they would not be accepting any more mason jars filled with gasoline.
Before leaving the event, Romney and Ryan allowed reporters to photograph them picking up trash in a nearby high school football field where Romney staffers had dumped the litter only a few minutes before. The event was billed as "Chris Christie Appearance-Free Day" A staffer told reporters the event was designed "to allow supporters to imagine how it might look if Governor Christie was helping Governor Romney clean up the football field."