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So far Obama has been lauded for his handling of the Sandy disaster. However, as each day goes by it becomes increasingly clear that that are a significant amount of people who are still homeless (in very cold weather), have limited access to food and water and no transportation.

CNN and MSNBC repeatedly show scenes, and interviews, with individuals in dire straights and then cut to a FEMA individual planting a "FEMA" sign in the ground somewhere, implying they have just arrived. I am a huge Obama supporter, but seeing these scenes makes me wonder how appropriate is it for Obama to be campaigning in Ohio, and elsewhere when it can be argued he should be in DC visibly leading the recovery effort.

He should also visit NYC, especially Staten Island. I don't think Bloomberg would object at this point, as he apparently did initially. Presidents are rightfully defined by their response to crisis, one only has to look at Bush's response to Katrina, and the fall-out from his lack of visible involvement.

For those worried about the campaign, I would argue there is no better campaign images than the President being the President in a time of crisis. The media will cover it exhaustively and simultaneously Romney will find himself in a media vacuum. Furthermore , if the problems I saw on CNN last night continue to spiral out of control, it will begin to effect Obama's re-electability.

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Comment Preferences

  •  He has done his job (40+ / 0-)

    The President's job was to make sure that there were no red tape issues involved in distributing FEMA funds. He did that. The actual overseeing should be done by the state officials, the Govenor and the Mayor of the city in question.

    •  I see the Staten Island problem as the Mayor's (8+ / 0-)

      Why did he not seem to know the situation there? Why would he decide to let the marathon go on? (of course he cancelled it today).  Why didn't he know they had no water over there?

      Manhattan gets the power back on and Staten Island has no water and no fuel and no one knows?

      O great creator of being grant us one more hour to perform our art and perfect our lives. ::: Jim Morrison :::

      by Kevanlove on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 02:59:48 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  The devil is in the details. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Cinnamon

      Obama has shown He and FEMA are on top of everything they can be involved in, now it is up to local government to advise FEMA of needs and use the resources it provides. As long as he demonstrates that even while on the campaign trail he is on top of FEMA and giving all the help national government can then most people will give him credit for being on top of the situation.

      Of course Lying, cheating, no morality Romney and his Republican extremists will find something to put down, even if it is that the brand of cat food in the shelter is not one Fluffy likes. Even though that is a detail he has no input in he will be blamed because they have to find something to nail him on.

      PS. Fluffy, it is gonna be okay, as soon as the power is on in the area stores you will get the right food.

      Conservatives supported slavery, opposed women’s suffrage, supported Jim Crow, opposed the 40-hour work week, the abolishment of child labor, and supported McCarthyism. from 'It's The Conservatism, Stupid' by Paul Waldman July 12, 2006

      by arealniceguy on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 04:21:12 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  Did anyone really think for one minute that (0+ / 0-)

      the MSM would not turn on the president. I should not be surprised at this one as they do not give a rats ass how people are suffering. I saw a clown from ABC driving her big ass car in traffic to see how fast she could get from" A to B." I yelled at the TV," get your ass off the road so people who need this route can use it to help, you worthless asswipe! Go to hell!" I am sick of this shit, and most of all, who are  those people who believe all this shit!!!!!

      Today, even though I live inIllinois, I am working door to door to GTVO. I have to do something!

  •  Sandy Fallout (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    sceptical observer

    I agree, generally, with your concerns.  But I'm not sure that Obama would change the outlook or the picture by going to Staten Island.  Big storms always end up this way--in perceptions--because politicians don't act fast enough to change the perceptions (Bloomberg and the marathon) or deliver needed services in a timely manner.  I do think you'll see resources moving in to Staten Island over the next couple days--at least that's what I've been reading.  Will it change the election? Not in Ohio...I don't think.

  •  Here's something you can share: (7+ / 0-)

    A positive view of how FEMA is handling things so far:

    http://keranews.org/...

  •  Some would call that "stepping on toes". (9+ / 0-)

    Others might call it micromanaging. It cheapens an executive to have to hover, you send in your people and you tell them to get the job done. Bush had incompetent people.

    We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

    by PowWowPollock on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 02:58:31 AM PDT

    •  actually, it's called "chain of command" - fema (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      notagain, wishingwell

      operates under strict protocol - and it starts from the bottom up.  they cannot deploy until it is requested by the local/state governments.

      you should really take the time to go read how fema operates on this website to learn what fema is and what it does.

      expectations are most always inaccurate by those who don't know how and when fema is deployed.

      •  aha! NOW i know why bloomberg refused early fema (0+ / 0-)

        aid (my supposition, of course) - by refusing early activation of the disaster program, bloomberg could make obama look like he was "slow to respond" - and by asking that obama delay coming to ny, he was denying the obvious press coverage.

        cuomo overruled bloomberg by declaring a state emergency prior to the storm, enabling fema to begin to deploy.

        cynical?  you BET i'm cynical when it comes to bloomberg!  look at the difference between gov. christie and bloomberg.  he has presidential aspirations, too, imho.  why would he do anything to make the democrats look good if he is going to take a shot at the run in 2016.  just sayin'...

  •  Just 1 comment four years ago, and now this diary? (38+ / 0-)

    Hrm.

    In any case, this president can walk and chew gum.  People understand that this election is incredibly important, and so is handling this horrific disaster.

    The President has struck a good balance, and I'm sure he can't wait for the campaign to be over so he can focus more of his time on the recovery effort.  Most of the 2/3 of voters that don't automatically despise this president understand that.

  •  Twice In My Adult Life (7+ / 0-)

    I've yelled where the fuck is my government. I need help. The first was Andrew and then years later a flood in the midwest. But as time passed from each event I realized I wasn't sure what the POTUS was supposed to do. Sure we can debate this or that, but what exactly is Obama supposed to do?

    Both of those times I mentioned I didn't want either Bush coming to my area. I wanted help.

    When opportunity calls pick up the phone and give it directions to your house.

    by webranding on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 03:02:40 AM PDT

    •  For me, it meant a lot he came (10+ / 0-)

      I'm in Montgomery County, PA, and the ripped up trees, the damage, is horrible. Nothing like the shore, but still awful. Our power was out until last night around dinner time, and the nights were cold, my daughter was really freaked out all week, and it was a very stressful time. My family and my daughter's dad's family all are "shore people"... some of our family members live there year round, some have summer houses there, some just rent (or crash at our relatives' places!) but go every year of our lives, so the shore, to us, is as much our home as our everyday houses.

      EVERYONE of my family and friends are affected by the damage from Sandy. And, as I'm sure happens in disasters like this, the last week was spent carefully watching cell phone power as the calls were made to loved ones," Are you ok? Have you heard anything? Is there anything you need? How did you make out? " Both asking and answering the those questions, coming together to make sure we all made it through, everyone was accounted for, see how we were all doing as a collective. My exhusband called several times each day, not just to check on our child, but sometimes he called when he knew she'd be at school, just to ask me when she couldn't' overhear: Liz, how are you, really? Is there anything you need?

      It gave me great comfort that the President showed he cared about us, that he took the time out of the week before the campaign to be here; that the first thing I saw on Facebook from the campaign was our First Lady encouraging people to donate to the Red Cross. The work of getting through this past week was tough, and I'm still so worried about the people who have it so much worse off than we do, but my President cares about us. He cared BEFORE the disaster happened, enough to fix FEMA. He cared enough to reach out to, of all people, friggin' Chris Christie, and to do everything he could, at all hours of the clock - as we were up all night riding out the storm, he was up all night taking calls and  making sure the response was ready to roll out as quickly as possible. It meant a lot, when we needed a leader, to have one who so obviously cares about people.

      Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. ~ Yoda Political Compass: -8.50, -6.46

      by Cinnamon on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 04:34:07 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  MontCo (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Cinnamon, Aunt Pat, Lost and Found

        I was born and raised in Delaware Co, and we have a place in Ocean City, plus my brother lives in North Jersey (his power came back on Thursday night).
        Fortunately, OC missed the worst of it, looks like the beaches north of Atlantic City really got slammed.
        Glad to hear you're okay, though it's always a tragedy to lose a lot of trees!

        “We are not a nation that says ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ We are a nation that says ‘out of many, we are one.’” -Barack Obama

        by skohayes on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 05:05:40 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  What you said ~ (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Cinnamon, wishingwell

        is what causes me to love our President:

        He cared BEFORE the disaster happened, enough to fix FEMA. He cared enough to reach out to, of all people, friggin' Chris Christie, and to do everything he could, at all hours of the clock - as we were up all night riding out the storm, he was up all night taking calls and  making sure the response was ready to roll out as quickly as possible. It meant a lot, when we needed a leader, to have one who so obviously cares about people.
        He truly does see the Office of the President as one that is there for everyone.
  •  In a word, no. (15+ / 0-)

    And your concern is duly noted.

    I am a warrior for peace. And not a gentle man... Steve Mason, 1940-2005

    by Wayward Wind on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 03:20:13 AM PDT

    •  Sleeper concern troll perhaps wrote the diary (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Wayward Wind

      Joined in 2008 and only has a half dozen comments since them.  She made one concern troll comment in 2008 and then about a half dozen just recently..mostly all handwringing type comments.

      Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

      by wishingwell on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 07:46:25 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Once was enough. (18+ / 0-)

    Any more than that looks like he's politicizing the event and I'm sure that the area has enough problems without the President and his massive entourage complicating an already stressful situation.

    He's given the Governors his personal number and can be reached, if need be, anywhere he travels. Now's the time for state and locals to step up. They know the people, the areas, and what resources are needed and where. (Supposedly)

    And those people better hope that Obama wins, because Romney is almost sure to screw up any recovery effort.

    "The human eye is a wonderful device. With a little effort, it can fail to see even the most glaring injustice." Richard K. Morgan

    by sceptical observer on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 03:21:09 AM PDT

  •  A presidential visit (15+ / 0-)

    would cause more chaos than necessary. Let the workers do their jobs instead of having to stand around as props for the president.

    The Spice must Flow!

    by Texdude50 on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 03:29:58 AM PDT

    •  Ding, ding, ding. (10+ / 0-)

      I live in Alabama. You may recall we had a tornado problem back in April 2011. President Obama did come and was excoriated for it ... and not just by freepers and local media. It became a "thing" that distracted from meeting needs.

      With presidential visits, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Bottom line: People don't need a photo op. They need help.

      I know that in our situation, FEMA arrived quickly. But they kept arriving for some time. Even with a high level of competence in leadership (as opposed to Heckuvajob Brownie), it takes more than the snap of your fingers to transport thousands of workers and tons of supplies.

      Just because you're not a drummer doesn't mean that you don't have to keep time. -- T. Monk

      by susanala on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 04:13:51 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  Yes as extra security is needed and a Presidential (0+ / 0-)

      visit can result in more traffic and traffic jams and there are enough of those in NYC and NJ and even more so now.

      Follow PA Keystone Liberals on Twitter: @KeystoneLibs

      by wishingwell on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 07:47:44 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Staten Island appeared to have been the (6+ / 0-)

    biggest problem area with many people venting their frustration.

    However, if you watched Rachel's show last night, you would have seen the reporting on FEMA and RC arriving and beginning the process of recovery.

    I'm sure  that The President is capable of handling Sandy issues while campaigning. I'm not sure how many disaster tours that you think he should make,or at what point that you'd think it's ok for him to be campaigning.

    Obama is doing a great job of not only doing his job as president, but has been doing a great job of fighting for it as well.

    The best thing he can do for the American people at this point is to make sure that he is re-elected.

  •  Having had a tornado smash up my house (14+ / 0-)

    I recollect that the third and fourth days were the ones that I was the most stressed.

    Physiologically you're at a very low ebb: lack of regular sleep, meals etc. for 72 hours has taken its toll and your body just can't handle any more.

    Psychologically the intial shock, panic and denial have worn off and the concrete reality of the situation is becoming clear.

    The first day you are just so stunned; the second you are thinking it probably won't be so bad as it seems, but by the third day, there's no escaping that something really terrible has happened.

    And just as you begin to grapple with the reality of the stuation, time compresses again and you start to think why the Hell hasn't help arrived already since you feel like you been struggling with it for a hundred years.  

    It takes three to five days to get more than emergency aid and temporary shelter up and running. , Damage assessment, utility and infrastructure repairs, claims processing, clean-up - these things take a ton of time - and patience.  But by then you've got no more patience left and you're completely coped-out.

    I often think one of the most useful things to set up in a disaster would be mobile chill hotels where you could go, bathe, get clean clothes, excellent food, comfy beds, and just veg for a day or two.  Somehow you should be able to be teleported to a vacation resort without an interent connection and maybe only movies and TV from 6 months ago.  

    Of course it can't happen which is why these things are so life-shattering, beyond just the loss of stuff and your regular life.

    Getting the power up in Manhatten will make a big difference because it will move a whole boatload of people out of their desperation and allow  the restoration efforts to focus on the areas like Hoboken and Staten Island and coastal NJ where the road to recovery will be much longer and more complicated. The choices and pace of recovery efforts never seem fair to all the survivors, but I am quite confident that experienced disaster recovery planners are on the job.

    Araguato

    •  This is a great comment (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      IreGyre, elmo, bluezen, Lost and Found

      I went through a terrible flood in North Carolina, and you really described my feelings in the aftermath perfectly.
      The third night at my place, with no power and surrounded by water, I had to get out and caught a ride on a boat out to dry land, where someone gave me a ride to the motel.
      One hot shower and a good meal later, I was feeling like a human being again. Of course, as I settled into bed to watch TV, the power at the motel went out and stayed out the rest of the night, but I got some sleep, so that was good. :)

      “We are not a nation that says ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ We are a nation that says ‘out of many, we are one.’” -Barack Obama

      by skohayes on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 05:09:48 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Worried? (11+ / 0-)

    I would be worried if Brown was still in charge of FEMA and if Barbara Bush talked about " these people"

  •  I was waiting for this diary... (14+ / 0-)

    I knew someone would take the bait....

    After all of the Bloomberg's comments that he didn't need any FEMA support, I guess people forgot that already..The President wanted to be proactive - Bloomberg wanted him to "stay the hell out of his way".. and he did.

    Now of course our usual Media forgot that and instead keep showing the sad scenes. Well the President did his job, cut the red tape - sent Military ships, millions gallons of fuel to the area...its time for the Mayor, Governor and FEMA to do the job to distribute and understand the needs in their areas

    If the President has to visit Staten Island, then the Mayor and Governor should be fired.

    I don't think it would really hurt to visit NY but the media would make it worse by saying why he didn't come before..the ~GOP would be screaming politics...so in his best interest, he needs to focus on the re election right now. Both Governors and mayors have already said he is doing an amazing job in making resources available.

    Concern noted...focus on GOTV...and if any one mentions Sandy, you can let them know what the President has done and continues to do.

    This is our moment...this is our time! President Barack Obama

    by ankae on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 04:15:54 AM PDT

    •  Governor Cuomo has been great (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      wishingwell

      Remember he closed the Holland and Brooklyn Battery tunnels before the storm arrived. Imagine motorists stuck there in rising waters. The Mayor, who can be dickish at times, has by and large been great. NYC has incredible contingency plan for all kinds of disasters/events. This storm has been overwhelming-I live in upper Manhattan, so I've been lucky, but virtually every NYCer and millions of people who work/live near the city have been affected. I think the response so far has been amazing.

      "Well Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?"

      by buffie on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 04:25:25 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  it could be why Bloomberg.... (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      wishingwell

      ...endorsed the President.  The realization that he reall messed up and Obama was correct.

      We Glory in war, in the shedding of human blood. What fools we are.

      by delver rootnose on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 07:13:44 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Staten Island = angry GOP oasis in NYC (9+ / 0-)

    so I'm not surprised that they complain loud enough to get on TV, and will continue to do so despite relief coming in (and would've anyway without the disaster).

    These guys did get hit hard and do need help. SI is isolated geographically and insular socially; we NY'ers tend to forget them all the time (or we try) and they usually seem to like it that way. This is more of a local cultural phenomena than any sort of national or federal slight.

    I can't believe our election is being decided by people who can't tell the difference between republicans and democrats...that's like letting a dog choose what color to paint your house.

    by PBJ Diddy on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 04:30:27 AM PDT

  •  The greatest weapon the GOP has is the (5+ / 0-)

    timidness of Democrats. The fact is, the right scares the left into submission. A hurricane hit these cities. Of course it's tragic and of course there will be complaining. What would you do if you lost everything?

    Stop hand-wringing and step away from the computer. There are now 2 ways you can help, the Red Cross and OFA.

    Everyone Chill the fuck out! I got this - unknown but credited to Barack Obama

    by natedogg265 on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 05:06:11 AM PDT

  •  You know, it's amazing the technology (5+ / 0-)

    that people use these days - things like cell phones and video conferencing and computers. So that no matter where you are, you can still talk to people and coordinate and network and keep in touch.
    Why people think in THIS day and age that Obama needs to stay in DC to perform his job is simply a mystery to me.
    Bloomberg said quite specifically that he didn't want  Obama in NYC, Obama respected his wishes.
    Your concern is noted.
    Did you know that Romney hasn't bothered to call Christie since before the storm? Think he's a bit put out that Christie all but endorsed Obama for president?
    Barack is awesome

    “We are not a nation that says ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ We are a nation that says ‘out of many, we are one.’” -Barack Obama

    by skohayes on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 05:21:52 AM PDT

  •  Do you know what a Presidential "visit" entails? (6+ / 0-)

    If you knew what a Presidential visit entails you wouldn't be clamoring for one.  The relief and rescue effort would come to a complete halt for the entirety of the visit.  All security resources would be diverted to planning and carrying out the visit.  The absolute WORST thing that the President could do right now would be to visit, PARTICULARLY for the sole purpose of getting a politically motivated photo op, as you are clearly suggesting.

    There is a big difference between something that looks good and feels good and something that is helpful and truly meaningful.

  •  Instead of hand-wringing get off your ass (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    kefauver, susanala, wishingwell

    and help.

    Everyone Chill the fuck out! I got this - unknown but credited to Barack Obama

    by natedogg265 on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 05:27:12 AM PDT

  •  Homeland Security Security went to Staten Island (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    sewaneepat, wishingwell

    yesterday and the MSM is showing that supplies are getting there.

    So today will be a different story where people are seen being helped.

    Also, Obama has called the military to deliver fuel to the people and you will be seeing that today.

    Things will be better today.

    President Obama, January 9, 2012: "Change is hard, but it is possible. I've Seen it. I've Lived it."

    by Drdemocrat on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 05:30:05 AM PDT

  •  Who Owns the Media? (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    notagain, Cinnamon, sewaneepat, Karl Rover

    Don't let's forget who owns "free TV."  NBC, ABC, CBS etc. seem to have received the "word drops" from their corporate overlords.  Not 2 days into the storm, and each mention of the "recovery" was preceded by the word "slow" on CBS.  The SLOW recovery, 2 days in.  Then they fell on the angry Staten Islanders with great glee, all complaining about no FEMA.  Who can blame the stranded communities, but those same TV stations made sure to never relay the strategical impediments to an earlier FEMA arrival.  TV reports were only too happy to label them "forgotten."  It's a sham and a shame that the main sources of public information are right-wing corporate monoliths, with plenty of skin in the game.

  •  Obama has 70% Approval in NY & NJ Re: Sandy. (5+ / 0-)

    So your concern is noted.

    Obamacare is upheld by the SCOTUS. Time for some Kossacks to eat a plate of crow.

    by kefauver on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 05:56:51 AM PDT

  •  Besides the obvious foolishness of the premise... (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Cinnamon, nanorich, delver rootnose

    ...I would say specifically that Obama would be poorly received on Staten Island because a majority of its people (and an overwhelming majority of the people worst impacted) have an animus towards government, Democrats, and African-Americans.  They don't want him there.

    You know, I sometimes think if I could see, I'd be kicking a lot of ass. -Stevie Wonder at the Glastonbury Festival, 2010

    by Rich in PA on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 06:16:45 AM PDT

  •  Excellent use of the Cavuto mark. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    delver rootnose

    You can call it "class warfare" -- we call it "common sense"

    by kenlac on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 06:58:11 AM PDT

  •  Well (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Pandora, wishingwell

    Here in NYC people are just fine with how Obama (and Bloomberg, for that matter) have handled it. Yes there have been issues but it was a fucking disaster. Most people are more pissed about Republicans messing up our infrastructure, cutting first responders and disaster response, and continued denial of climate change.

    And Obama and Bloomberg decided not to strain already strained relief efforts by having Obama visit NYC. And Obama RESPECTED Bloomberg's decision.

    Stop worrying and join GOTV efforts.

    FREEDOM ISN'T FREE: That's why we pay taxes. I Had A Thought

    by mole333 on Sat Nov 03, 2012 at 07:03:17 AM PDT

  •  While people are frustrated... (0+ / 0-)

    ...it's not like people are dying in the streets while the President is pretty well ignoring them, as he eats cake and plays guitar thousands of miles away.

    For the most part, people are having to put up with the types of hassles that would be expected in an event like this. This isn't the humanitarian crisis that Katrina was. And the president is engaged and has been since long before landfall.

    The debacle of the non-response to Katrina stripped Bush of any legitimacy he had with America. That isn't happening here.

  •  Wait, what? you mean you can't rebuild thousands (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    susanala

    of homes in under a week so people aren't homeless?

    Who would have ever guessed.

  •  The initial response to any event like Sandy (0+ / 0-)

    whether extensive or fairly limited falls first on those entities, city, county, state that have the best geographic proximity to the event.

    The Federal government is there to help each of those entities but it has to enter the state with the state's permission, each county and city with their permission.  That is what Christie was talking about.

    Having gotten permission to act and gotten clear communication as to exactly what acts it is permitted to be performed in each of this entities, it then has to move its people and materials, often across a considerable distance and then try to get those people and materials into place when there may be no roads and great danger at the sites they are most needed at.

    Then, each of those entities first responsibility it to protect their own people.  They have to eat, sleep and got to the bathroom.  They are not robots

    All of this causes delays.

    I lost my house and most of my possession in the 1979 monster tornado that destroyed 20% of Wichita Falls, Texas.

    I can say to the people who have been impacted by Sandy.
    What you are going through is what many have already experienced.

    Rule one.  Be grateful you are alive.
    Rule two.  Be grateful for those family and friends who are alive.
    Rule three.  Be patient, there is no instant fix.
    Rule four.  Be patient, there is no instant fix.

    In real life help will come and it will not be enough.
    You then have the choice to accept what is available or not.
    Resenting that there no magic to put Humpty back together again will do nothing but cause you needless distress.

    Understand that your frustration, and anger is normal, but it is pointless to beat up on those who are there to help and those who are coming to help.

    Rule five.  Realize that eventually you will be left on you own because no one can put Humpty Dumpty back together again, and you will, in reality, have to deal with whatever is the new normal and take what is and go forward.

    I have been in your shoes, I do understand.  You are victims and you have done nothing to deserve the pain and loss you have suffered.  You must work out of that emotional trap and do what is necessary day by day step by slow step until some degree of normality has been regained.

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