I've been watching the evangelicals getting motivated for tomorrow and that got me thinking.
You have been warned.
Jesus looked down upon the Capitol and despaired not "I have work for them to do, and they know where they can stick the filibuster."
As Jesus strolled down Wall Street, a great rending of garments could be heard, alas all interest rates had been appropriately adjusted and bonuses wandered lonely in the desert.
To the wailing cries of "godless commie" Jesus replied to the evangelical preachers “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another", it took the NYPD 24 hours to quell the ensuing riot.
Responding to news of long queues in Florida and Ohio Jesus spoke "let my people vote."
The GOP have issued the following statement.
We trust that Jesus will act in a truly bipartisan way and do exactly what we demand.
The Jesus Campaign replied "God does not require votes, his will is the law, so yes they can get stuffed."
A weeping John Boehner "Jesus is unAmerican and not a true believer."
Joe Arpaio announced " I believe Jesus is in the country illegally, we have launched legal proceedings to have him deported."
Donald Trump demanded to see his long form resurrection certificate saying "I believe he was resurrected abroad."
Jesus tried to exorcise the demons out of Allen West, but soon ran out of swine.
The NRA have been spotted producing many, many plowshares.
Pat Robertson was last seen heading for an undisclosed location wailing "Oh god, oh god, I'm in real trouble now". Jesus whispered in his ear "but I am everywhere, and indeed you are correct."
Just in:
The Republican House voted to deport Jesus. The Senate is still in session as the Republicans try to filibuster a move by Democratic senators to declare Jesus an American citizen.
Jesus was last seen waiting patiently in line explaining just why he didn't have a photo ID.
Breaking:
Mexico reports a massive influx of fleeing tea party activists.