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And steals all his jokes, leaving Norris a sad, broken man....well, that was already true anyway, but the jokes are below.

1) When Alexander Bell invented the telephone, Nate Silver had already assigned a 93.2% probability that he would do so.

2) Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Nate Silver is called punditophobia.

3) Nate Silver doesn't call the election wrong. The wrong election was held.

4) Nate Silver has a bearskin carpet in his room. Its really not bearskin, its Joe Scarborough's hide.

5) Republican ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Nate Silver stories.

6) There used to be a street named after Nate Silver, but it was changed because Nate predicted it would be and everyone was afraid to go against Nate's prediction.

7) There's actually a 2.5% probability that Nate Silver died 20 years ago...according to Nate Silver.

8) The latest trendline indicates that Nate Silver WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass...just because.

9) Nate Silver has already been to Mars...told the little green guys they were going to lose the election, so their civilization imploded.

10) Once a cop tried to pull over Nate Silver....but Nate knew it was coming, switched cars and the cop pulled over David Brooks instead.

11) Death once came knocking at Nate Silver's door...but Nate showed Death that it was statistically impossible for him to be dead, so Death went away sad.

12) Nate Silver knows within a .5% variance where Waldo is hiding.

13) Nate Silver's kindergarten teacher told Nate he would never amount to anything. Nate wrote a regression analysis equation and the teacher hasn't been seen or heard from since.

14) Nate Silver went into a maze... the maze realized how hopeless it was to try and confuse him and became a sidewalk.

15) There is no theory of evolution. Its just 10,000 simulations that Nate Silver allows to run endlessly back-to-back.

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