Skip to main content

pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

It seems that the nation has once again failed me. My staff and I had a final meeting, during which I canceled all of their remaining credit cards and we discussed what could have gone wrong. I must confess this result has taken us all by surprise.

Eric F. opined that the most likely reason for our loss was Hurricane Sandy. Tropical storms of that nature are invariably given women's names, and the constant repetition of a female name in the closing days of the campaign likely emasculated much of our base.

We also did not account for the vote suppression efforts of the other side. We had rallied the votes of nearly every wealth unit in this country; during election day, however, the other side engaged in nationwide efforts to water those votes down by including the votes of other citizens as well. The efforts of many state governors to curtail such rampant voting by commoners were valiant, but in hindsight even those were of insufficient size.

The polling firms that we had relied on were also to blame. We chose which polling units to listen to based on which ones were delivering the most pleasant sounding results; that is, which ones were including as many Republican voters as possible. We naturally assumed that those polling firms would continue including those Republican votes on election day as well, but apparently the final election day tallies are done as a separate effort managed by the government, and the polling firms claimed that despite their objections, they were not properly allowed to include their own polling estimations in the final electoral count. This is clearly another situation in which government regulation has shamelessly intruded into what could better have been done by the private sector, but still—the polling firms should have explained this discrepancy much sooner, so that we could have prepared for it.

In the end, however, there can be only one true reason for our insufficiently sized victory, and it is one that has been omnipresent in all of these races. America continues to be prejudiced against wealthy people.

Certainly, wealth units have ample access to Congress, and to all state and local governments as well. The Supreme Court does an admirable job of respecting the wealthy; the court instituted an unambiguous personhood policy for corporations long before such a thing was ever contemplated for fetal units. (Indeed, to their credit, the court recognized the personhood of corporate Americans many decades before the personhood of female units had been established.) Still, on many of America's more narrow, less well paved streets and within the confines of its many non-luxury buses, the old bigotries remain.

I have tried my best to speak to the concerns of wealth units. I have accepted as much of their money as current law would allow. I have met with them in their homes, and on their boats, and in their summer homes, and I have dined with them and invited their mining equipment to join me onstage for photographic opportunities. I have attempted to explain to commoners the great injustice of suggesting that wealth units pay at least the same percentage of their taxes as commoner units, even though wealth units are clearly both intellectually superior and, due to the necessity of keeping track of so many more homes and boats and airplanes, much harder workers. In the end, however, the commoners would not listen, because the commoners are too dimwitted to truly grasp these things. Even Mr. Trump, who we partnered with because of his years of experience in speaking to less wealthy, more dimwitted people, could not adequately make them understand.

I am contemplating now what to do next. I must first form an opinion as to whether or not I am disappointed about my election loss. Eric F. says that an expression of disappointment is commonplace, but it seems to me a rather bold stance for a candidate to take. I expressed some disappointment during my concessionary speech, but will withhold further emotional displays until I have analyzed the potential electoral impact to future campaigns.

As my last act as candidate, I have informed the staff, whom I am no longer paying, that they are to deliver Mr. Bus to my California home. I have placed a call to my home remodeling lobbyist informing him that the car elevator project is back on, but that we will need to alter the planned size of it considerably.

And it will need to be the right height.

Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags


More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

kos, a gilas girl, Angie in WA State, Rita in DC, DeanDemocrat, glitterscale, Detlef, abarefootboy, PeterHug, greenbird, donna in evanston, OLinda, YankInUK, mzinformed, cvannatta, Creosote, ssgbryan, rasbobbo, CoolOnion, pedrito, Arun, bwren, antirove, litigatormom, annan, crankypatriot, Frankenoid, rlharry, RebeccaG, Sophie Amrain, JayBat, KateCrashes, side pocket, mungley, KayCeSF, beckperson, Longwing, blueyedace2, Tonedevil, Hotspur18, MT Spaces, where4art, lcbo, Overseas, babatunde, jeff in nyc, murasaki, JanF, noweasels, third Party please, fromer, raincrow, slampros, gpoutney, JVolvo, Mocha Dem, Clive all hat no horse Rodeo, BB10, Texdude50, Tamar, samfish, Cronesense, Mary Mike, Duccio, suejazz, klnb1019, Wreck Smurfy, jwinIL14, TruthFreedomKindness, TX Freethinker, JaxDem, Cordwainer, LibrariAnne, Involuntary Exile, bythesea, mofembot, Mayfly, cactusflinthead, GustavMahler, MrsTarquinBiscuitbarrel, UkieOli, greengemini, War on Error, cjenk415, politicalceci, Munchkn, Tortmaster, JDog42, davespicer, collardgreens, Nalepoc, TFinSF, David Harris Gershon, klompendanser, LOrion, barbtries, Puddytat, AJ in Camden, sharonsz, addisnana, rja, eclecta, rasfrome, Kif Kroker, annieli, TAH from SLC, kerflooey, afisher, implicate order, vahana, BlueJessamine, FarWestGirl, kevin k, Portlandia, Deleuzional, Nebraska68847Dem, mrsgoo, PorridgeGun, Hohenzollern, Pro Photoman, Ricochet67, DruidQueen, PrescottPatriot, MKHector, SueM1121, diffrntdrummr, MKDAWUSS, blue muon, cactusgal, SteelerGrrl, DRo, Tom Seaview, Chitown Kev, AmazingBlaise, ParkRanger, Monsieur Georges, TX Dem 50, Prairie D, OldDragon, DeadHead, David54, pimutant, Howdidigethere, hotheadCA, belinda ridgewood, radical simplicity, BusyinCA, Most Awesome Nana, Abelia, koosah, dbeerthuis, aresea, Alantai, LaraJones, Grandson named me Papa, ModerateJosh, Demeter Rising, Fairlithe, Ishmaelbychoice, JustGiaco, MBishop1, ChristineM, El T, Edmund Xu, northcountry21st, amity75, Kimba

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site