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Late Night Snark: GOP Shellacking Edition

Obama campaign
BillyFact rates this sign's claim as TRUE!
"Well, it's over, and as usual, the guy from Kenya won."
---David Letterman
"Exit polls show that President Obama did well with women, beating Romney by 11 binders."
---Jay Leno
"Of the nine key swing states, Obama won eight! I mean, how??? Even in Pennsylvania, despite the fact that after a week of hurricane
Sandy, thousands of Amish remain without power!"
---Stephen Colbert
"Florida tonight remains too close to call. So where's the good news, you say? Here it is: the election was decided without them. For once, Florida's clusterfuckery is irrelevant."
---Jon Stewart
"I always wonder what the day after the election is like for the candidate who loses. You get so close to becoming the most powerful person in the world and just like that, you wake up hoping to get a call from Dancing With the Stars."
---Jimmy Kimmel
"Last night Colorado became the first state to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. They just renamed their NBA team the Denver McNuggets."
---Jimmy Fallon
Lots more at Dan Kurtzman's joint. What a week.

Your west coast-friendly edition of  Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 9, 2012

Note: C&J will not appear on this modestly-successful web site Monday as we will be taking final measurements for the drapes in Elizabeth Warren's new Senate office.  (If someone could distract Scott Brown, that would be great, thx.)  Back Tuesday with many bandaged scissor cuts.


By the Numbers:
Days 'til 2013: 53
Days 'til the Spokane Cork & Keg Festival: 1
Percent of the Ohio vote cast by African-Americans in 2008 and 2012, respectively: 11%, 15%
What that increase represents in terms of voters: 200,000
(Source: The Washington Post)
Percent of all living veterans who served in, respectively, W.W. II, the Korean War and the Vietnam War: 9%, 11%, 35%
(Source: Census Bureau via USA Today)
Percent of pro football players who said Tim Tebow of the NY Jets is the most overrated player in the NFL, putting him at the top of the survey: 34%
(Source: Sports Illustrated)
Cost of a bottle of Louis VIII cognac at Bow Street Market in Freeport, Maine's top-selling liquor store: $2,000


NEW! Friday Joe Lieberman Wanker Walk Countdown:
Joe Lieberman will end his Senate reign of error in 55 days.


Puppy Pic of the Day: A demonstration on a puppy of how I wake Michael up every morning.


My god! Could Sean Hannity's neurons be turning blue?
CHEERS to Sean Hannity: looney libtard???  After getting a massive bucket of ice water dumped on their heads Tuesday, conservatives seem to be dividing into two camps: those who think their salvation lies further to the ideological right, and those who are coming to the horrifying realization that their relevance requires moving left.  Among the latter, apparently, is none other than Sean Hannity.  The guy who once wanted illegals deported back to Mexico in boxcars now says: "You create a pathway for those people that are here---you don’t say you’ve got to go home.  And that is a position that I’ve evolved on."  Amazing!  I can't believe it!  Hannity believes in evolution now, too?  Someone alert the FAA---there might be some pigs in the commercial flight path above his house tonight.

CHEERS to massive movement in Maine.  Yesterday I wrote about our state's marriage referendum passing, but I haven't trumpeted the other good news from Tuesday's elections yet, and there's a lot!  For starters, check this out from the Portland Press Herald:

"In District 25 candidate Colleen Lachowicz unseated Republican Thomas Martin.  In doing so, she proved that online gaming, World of Warcraft and Orcs are not political liabilities."
Maine Governor Paul LePage
Having lost control of the legislature,
Maine Gov. Paul LePage will have
a lot of time to sit on his tea party ass
and ponder his irrelevance.
Colleen's a registered Kossack whom Republicans tried to slime based on her love of online gaming, but it backfired and now she's got a real-life seat in the freaking state Senate!  Speaking of which, both the Maine Senate and the House flipped back to Democratic control, and not by a little bit: the Senate is now 21D-13R-1Ind, and the House is 87D-60R-4Ind.  That leaves our tea party Republican governor, Paul LePage, as little more than a blathering figurehead who has a bright future as a professional ribbon cutter before he gets booted in two years.

We also replaced Olympia Snowe, who fled the U.S. Senate instead of facing the tea party, with liberal-leaning independent Angus King.  Our two Democratic House members (Chellie Pingree and Mike Michaud) got re-elected by comfortable margins.  And Republican state chairman Charlie Webster, who accused Democrats of busing in voters from out of state to swing elections and also royally fucked up the GOP caucuses this year, is leaving in disgrace.  So, overall, I feel like the state has its equilibrium back.  Maine is no longer the Alabama of New England, and all I can say is: Yeeeeee haw!!!

JEERS to America's former li'l buddy. Thirty-two years ago, in 1980, Saddam Hussein declared war against Iran.  Naturally we couldn't start selling weapons of mass destruction to him fast enough.  (The link is a video of Don Rumsfeld bowing to The Evil One in '83.) The lesson learned from that whole episode---The enemy of my enemy is my friend until he tries to shoot my daddy in which case we'll gin up bogus intelligence and lie our way into a war that starts conventionally but ends up in a quagmire of urban street fighting and sectarian feuds---is today enshrined on a wall in the Capitol building. I believe you'll find it in the third bathroom stall from the right.

CHEERS to a candidate from the party of "No!" getting a taste of his own medicine.  Congressman Allen West's hopes of clinging to his FL-18 seat went south today when a Palm Beach County judge told him to go pound sand (which they have a lot of there!) and just accept that he lost to Democrat Patrick Murphy.  For old time's sake, here's a smattering of West's greatest hits:

Patrick Murphy for Congress
I think Murphy should
accept Allen West's
surrender on a battleship!
"I believe there's about 78 to 81 members of the Democrat Party who are members of the Communist Party. It's called the Congressional Progressive Caucus."
"We should not allow the Muslim Brotherhood or associated groups to be influencing our national security strategy."
"If you're here to stand up, to get your musket, to fix your bayonet, and to charge into the ranks, you are my brother and sister in this fight. You need to leave here understanding one simple word. That word is 'bayonets.'"
The name of the judge who is forcing West to eat crow today?  David Crow.  Delicious.

JEERS to talking out your butt.  Get a load of this nugget by John "Don't Confuse Me With A Wizard" Dizard in the conservative National Review, written 15 years ago:

"I have [been] mightily encouraged by the victories of the Taliban Muslim fundamentalists in Afghanistan, which promised to upset the Greater Russian imperialists and bring an American pipeline project one step closer to reality. As we go to press the Talibans have suffered a reverse, but don't give up on them yet."
Good call, Sparky.

CHEERS to home vegetation.   With the 2012 election thingy finally, mercifully, over, we can spend one perfect weekend relaxing before the 2016 campaign ramps up.  Tonight on HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher's guests are Cory Booker, Samuel L. Jackson, S.E. Cupp, Andrew Sullivan and Mason Tvert.  The biggest DVD release this week is The Amazing Spiderman, plus the Blu-Ray release of Sunset Boulevard is ready for its close-up.  The NFL schedule is here.  (The Patriots won't let Buffalo do much roaming in the endzone---Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!)  Anne Hathaway hosts SNL.  On 60 Minutes: employers who can't find skilled labor to fill their labor force.

For the best analysis of the election results, don't miss Up! With Chris Hayes and Melissa Harris-Perry.  (Zounds!  They actually devote more than one segment to a single issue!)  And here's your Sunday morning lineup:

Robert Shaw in
David Axelrod will be on "Face the Nation"
to talk about how he stopped the great white
middle-class-eating machine called
the Romney-Ryan campaign.
Meet the Press: Sens. Chuck Schumer and Tom Coburn talk about the fiscal cliff gently sloping driveway; post-election roundtable with Rep.-elect Joaquin Castro (D), Chuck Todd, Doris Kearns-Goodwin, Steve Schmidt and Bob Woodward.

Face the Nation: David Axelrod takes a well-deserved victory lap; Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) gets foppish and fussy; roundtable with Peggy Noonan, Dee Dee Myers, David Gergen and CBS News political director John Dickerson.

This Week: Once again, ABC News invites a Fox News pundit---Greta---to be part of their roundtable, even though they would never invite Ed or Rachel or Lawrence or Chris from MSNBC.  Bizarre.  Also: Rep. Aaron Schock (R-IL), Rep. Donna Edwards (D-MD), the Wall Street Journal's Paul Gigot and The Nation's Katrina vanden Heuvel.  Yes, in the wake of a huge Dem win, ABC invites 3 conservatives (including two from the Murdoch empire) and 2 liberals.  Balance!  Plus: Budget Committee member Sen. Patty Murray (D-WA) and Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) talk about numbers 'n stuff.

Bill Moyers & Company (link): Election analysis with journalists James Fallows, Bob Herbert and Reihan Salam.

Washington Week: The congressional landscape with Dan Balz (WaPost), John Dickerson (CBS), Beth Reinhard (National Journal) and Jeff Zeleny (NYT).

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND), Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD), Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN) and Rep. Tom Price (R-GA); Sen. Dianne Feinstein gets grilled about Fox's obsession with SOLYNDRA!!!!! FAST AND FURIOUS!!!!! BENGHAZI!!!!! THE PETRAEUS AFFAIR!!!!!

No doubt there will be a few right-wing freak-outs that will go viral by noon.  Happy viewing!


Four years ago in C&J: November 9, 2008

CHEERS to a timely exit.  Ancient Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) is voluntarily giving up his chairmanship of the Senate Appropriations Committee.  Yeah...once you get the skateboarding bug, everything else kinda feels like a distraction.


And just one more…

CHEERS to knockin' that sucker down. Twenty-three years ago, the surreal and unthinkable happened when Berliners hacked away at that damned wall in their back yard with pickaxes and hammers and brought it down---a mind-blowing moment that briefly galvanized the world in celebration, all thanks to this innocuous comment by Politburo member Guenter Schabowski a day earlier:

Revelers on top of the Berlin Wall 1989
"We can see freedom from our wall!"
" have decided implement a regulation that allows every citizen of the German Democratic East Germany through any of the border crossings," said Schabowski.

He appeared scarcely to believe his own words and we were all dumbfounded. What did he just say? Schabowski was asked when the new rule would take effect. "That comes into effect...according to my information.... immediately, without delay," Schabowski stammered, shuffling through the papers spread in front of him as he sought in vain for more information.

(Gosh, he sounds like East Germany's version of Rick Perry.)  This must-see Boston Globe photo diary documents the jubilation and its aftermath.  I had the chance to visit Berlin a couple times in the 70s when I was kid, and it was a jarring sight standing at the wall that divided it: vibrant and colorful on the western side, oppressive and gray on the eastern side.  In some ways it reminds me of what this country has become: reality-based, education-oriented and live-and-let-live on one side…authoritarian, trigger-happy, deceptive and loyalty-oath-centric on the other.  To paraphrase St. Ronnie: "Teabaggers! Tear down your wall!"  (And get that finger out of your ear---you don't know where that finger's been!)

Have a great weekend.  We all have a few reasons to.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about this evening?



Who won the week?

19%1949 votes
7%807 votes
0%43 votes
4%409 votes
0%32 votes
38%3864 votes
2%279 votes
1%159 votes
0%16 votes
1%189 votes
23%2410 votes

| 10165 votes | Vote | Results

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