Mitt Romney was, by all accounts, completely gobsmacked that he lost. Didn't God want him to win? Wasn't it his turn, err, destiny? Wasn't that always the plan, and the reason he suffered through those stinking years as governor with all those heathen Democrats?
So Mitt called upon God.
Mitt: Lord, I thought you wanted me to be President, and for Ann and I to live in the White House and invite our friends to parties.
God: No. Didn't you notice that I sent Isaac to interfere with the Republican National Convention? And then Sandy to stop your supposed-but-not-really-happening Mittmentum?
Mitt: Well, I thought it was that climate change thingy, so I didn't pay any attention to it.
God: No, it was Me.
Mitt: But, Lord, I have served You all my life. I went to France in Your service.
God: No, you went to France to avoid going to war in Vietnam and possibly ending up dead or scarred for life. You're a coward, Willard.
Mitt: Please don't call me Willard.
God: It's your name.
Mitt: But, Lord, I worked so hard to be President!
God: And you did some very bad things, too. You told 971 lies during your campaign, and some were whoppers.
Mitt, But, Lord, I was lying for YOU!
God: No, you were lying for you, and the guy who founded your church and told everyone that it was okay to lie? He was a liar, too. And he didn't get to be President either. I have to tell you, Willard. I'm really not fond of liars.
Mitt: But my supporters prayed to You that I would win. Doesn't that count?
God: Not really. They weren't praying FOR you, they were praying AGAINST President Obama. See, Obama's supporters love him. They prayed FOR him, because they believed in him. Your supporters...well, let's say I looked in their hearts and I did not see love for you.
Mitt: Oh. Well, I guess I won't run again, then.
God: Good plan. Play some golf.