Part of an ongoing series of Facebook open letters written by my alter-egotist. Contains sensitive language not meant for delicate flowers.
My Dear Butthurt Republican Friends,
I have to confess. I denied it for months, but I can bear it no longer: you had me pegged. I admit it. I voted for President Obama, VP Biden, and the entire blue Democratic ticket (with only two odious choices, which I will get to later) because I wanted free stuff.
That's right. I wanted free stuff.
I wanted the free ballot. The one where my name and card they send me with my driver's license is good enough to ensure that when I get to the booth and sign my name on the ticket like I always do, I'm going to be able to walk in and cast my vote on a machine that can't be rigged to win a chess game or play PacMan. One that can't be purchased and reprogrammed by a candidate's son. I think that in the future, I'm going to get that, somewhere down the line, if not from this administration then others that come in its wake. So I voted for that free stuff. A free ballot.
I voted for the notion that corporate money doesn't have a place in politics. I think we should go right back down to the basics on this one. One person, one vote. Corporations are not people. So, I voted for that free stuff, too. As close to free elections as we can pare this motherfucker, right down to the bone. I want politicians to worry about whether or not their donation money comes from drug lords or casino moguls. Free elections.
I voted for some other free stuff. I want the freedom of making decisions about my body with the help of my doctor, and sometimes my husband, and not some politician who is way too obsessed with my vagina and any demon-spawn hellion I might one day unleash upon this world, instead of helping me find answers to, and treatment for, the current pre-existing issues with the vagina and the demon-spawn hellions I already have. It would be nice if those politicians showed a little respect for me and the only body I have to carry myself through this life. Even better if they showed my husband and demon-spawn hellions the courtesy of not killing me off, because those guys would never find anything in this house ever again. So I voted for that free stuff, I admit it. Freedom of reproductive choice without your nosy ass all up in my junk.
I voted for the free stuff like love and the security of bonding for life that happens when people get to marry each other no matter what your church thinks of it. I voted for the free stuff like the feeling of relief and a little more trust for authority people might be willing to grant when they don't have to worry about drug dogs sniffing your door frame, SWAT raids in suburbia, or being locked up for practicing botany or owning a leaf. I think that I will get that free stuff, again, if not immediately, then down the line. I imagine a world where there doesn't exist a huge prison-industrial complex whose only job is to lock up people for a leaf which has known therapeutic and fun values.
I voted for the free stuff I get knowing my mother won't be killed off by a medical voucher for private insurance on an open market that would reject a woman of her age and life experience faster than you can throw a wheelchair off a cliff. I voted for the freedom of knowing that her benefits will cover a nursing home, since I know very little about nursing. So, I admit. I voted for the free stuff of not worrying that something minor and preventable or ignorant on my part will kill my mom.
I voted for the free stuff I know I'm already getting from Obamacare. Well, we will still be paying about $500 a month for our premiums, like we do now, but I like being able to include two children on the plan instead of just one. I like the free feeling of not fearing for my kids. I like the freedom of being able to use our insurance without being denied because we've used it too much, while they still collect our premiums. I know, for that much jack I should expect an Aetna representative to come to my house and give me a monthly (censored, sex act) but then again, I don't expect the moon and stars. Adequate family coverage will do just fine. For now.
Dear Butthurt Republicans, I voted for all this free stuff and more. And I expect to get it, too. Well, except the Aetna rep.
Love and kisses,
P.S. I also voted for the freedom of my country to dig out of this morass without Grover Poopy-head Norquist sabotaging revenue increases. Make it so.