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Sarah told me at 1115 that she needed to take a walk to calm down from a set of shelves repeatedly collapsing. I knew how she felt. She kept her cool, walked outside, and was back in 5 minutes--much sooner than I thought she would need. She gave a sheepish smile a grabbed a light jacket. Oh!

But then I heard the car start. Sarah turned her phone off she got to the nearest light. I waited until there was no way she was coming home before work and walked a package  up to the post office (she passes one, and had said she would take it). She hadn't needed to leave for work until 1300.

I fell on the way home. I'm still recovering from a concussion, which was why she didn't want me bringing it in the first place. But it had to go out, it was already late due to my concussion.

Usually Sarah calls me during at least 2 of her breaks and her lunch break. They're tiny, short calls, but they are a connection considering her long hours and 2nd shift. But her phone stayed off.

Two days ago, she was herself again, and it seemed to carry over into yesterday. She was playful, happy, helpful without prodding (unless in fun, such as hiding behind the 'attack puppy'). I got hugs and kisses without asking, and with no one there to see. I thought we had finally turned the corner. There was reasonable frustration dealt with in an adult manner. Mistakes were made and apologized for without prompting. What spouse of a PTSD vet wouldn't be cautiously optimistic?

But no calls. Phone was off or dead. We hadn't had a fight, things were going pretty well, Sarah had even made a kick-ass pot of baked beans with my recipe (and input, but I was stuck in bed).

I waited almost an hour after their last possible clock-out (although it has been 4 hours prior to this lately--much less OT), and called 911. Sarah has a history of attempting suicide by car (she thinks that will get me the life insurance). An officer came quitely to my home, respected my space, and actually listened to my reasons for being worried so 'early', especially when I mentioned the 3rd week on an SSDI, and the background.

There is now the equivilent of an APB (but for the non-violent, non-criminal) out on Sarah. I've heard nothing.

Her work has also been informed (I adore small HR units) and they'll let me know if she clocks in if she won't call me herself (this is possible because they'met me).

I'm so frightened. MMJ seemed to help, but she has no cert (and those are expensive), never mind the vaporizing equipment, which I'm finding I need for break-through migraines, anyway. (This one started as a 9/10, ane the meds keeping it down make me 1. fall asleep, even standing, and 2. make me high as a kite, and leave me nauseous.)

12:31 PM PT: Oh, thank goodness. HR snagged Sarah as soon as she clocked in and had her call.

She spent the night at a rest stop and doesn't really know why, but she'll be home tonight.

I'm now giving up because I really need a nap.

Thank you all!

Originally posted to Lorelei who now lives in Maine on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 11:16 AM PST.

Also republished by House of LIGHTS.

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