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Like many of us, I've enjoyed the recent spate of petitions from various red state dwellers demanding the right to secede from the union.  However, I've resisted the temptation to sign onto them because I feel sorry for the 20-40% of blue voters, who don't deserve the kind of catastrophe it'd bring.  I mean, Austin is pretty cool, by all accounts.
Furthermore, the logistics of secession are very difficult.  By no means should we allow Texas to take the Johnson Space Center, Wyoming to take Yellowstone, or Alaska to take the 65% of the state owned wholly by the Federal Government.  Military bases, national parks, federal facilities, and the like should all be retained by the US government.  Furthermore, while social security and medicare/medicaid benefits should certainly not be provided to people who clearly don't want them, it'd be unfair to take them from the portions of the populace who haven't signed onto this lunacy.

Carrying out secession in a fair and equitable manner would essentially require the creation of 'Blue Zones', similar to Iraq's Green Zone.  This is definitely sub-optimal - and not just because of the IEDs...

Fortunately, poking around the White House petition site has revealed an alternative solution.  Follow me below the squiggle!

Now, it might be slightly unfair to deport everyone who signed the petitions to secede.  After all, I was sorely tempted to sign onto the Texas petition, if only to be rid of Rick Perry.  Perhaps we should restrict the deportation order to petition-signing residents of the particular states in question - those who want to deport themselves.  That would make more sense.

Even better, though, would be to take a page from the playbook of our dear, departed presidential nominee: encourage self-deportation!

At a Federal level, this could take the form of developing single payer health care, aggressively prosecuting tax dodgers and corporate/financial criminals, and progressive tax reform.  At a personal level, this should include continued support for liberal candidates from a local level on up, coupled with an effort to educate our conservative friends and colleagues about the advantages of going galt in any of the several libertarian paradisios they could find abroad.

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