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With the ascension of Obamasaurus Rex to the White Cave, the Cretaceous countryside is littered with limbic brains as the pandemic of exploding GOPasaur heads continues. Across the craton, lumbering beasts slash and hiss and claw at the air, their beady little eyes afires, as they lash out at reality.

Angry antidiluvian denizens call for the break-up of the subcontinent as the only viable response to the defeat of Brontosaurus romneii and the extinction of their entire way of life. Speculation abounds among the GOPasaurs: why? Why? WHY? did this happen? What went wrong? Their tiny brains melting in a Fourth-of-July-like neural fireworks show, they grasp at any straw, however absurd.

"B. romneii wasn't really one of us. He was a flipfloppersaur. He wasn't a true Conservasaur. He wasn't aggressive. He was too cold blooded. Obamasaurus Rex is a magical Socialist Kenyanosaur who hypnotized the votersaurs with his mammalian gaze. Obamasaurus Rex handed out sparkly fossilized carbon trinkets to the all creatures of brownish coloration. Storms sweeping the continental margin diverted the attention from B. romneii's Mesozoic momentum. Canids ate our homework."

Coprolites happen. It's time to move on. Unfortunately, a few craven Cretaceous critters who have somehow evaded the Reaper thusfar are not going down without a fight. Indeed, they have escalated their hyperventilating hostilities, vowing to take down Obamasaurus Rex and his evil minions and minionettes. Be afraid... be very... No, you know what? Screw that. Grab some paleo-popcorn and enjoy the show.

McCainasaurus getoffamylawnii, who once loomed medium-sized large back in Jurassic times, now shuffles across the land, haranguing anyone insufficiently fleet of foot to escape with his venomous vocalizations. Repeating again and again "Benghazi! Benghazi! Benghazi" until his victims run, crawl, or slither out of earshot, M. getoffamylawnii is the paleo-poster child for Obamasauruscare, which will enable families to provide proper care of their failing elders.

Followers of this series will recall that it was M. getoffamylawnii who brought us the vapid Griftasaurus palinii as a "game changing" selection for Veepasaur. The Reaper was already on high alert at that point in the proceedings, as M. getoffamylawnii was showing signs of dino-dementia.

Now this faltering fossil, embittered by his fact that Obamasaurus Rex continues to kick his hindquarters has vowed to block the possible nomination of Ambassadosaurus susanriceii, prompting the always cool Obamasaurus Rex to reply: "bring it, fool!" Any paleo-pay-per-view match between these two will end in a nanosecond, with Obamasaurus Rex prevailing, but still the Old One blathers on.

Joining him in a Jurassic retrospective roadtrip of regret is his long-time paleo-pal Meetthepressasaurus lindsaygrahamii. This creature's sole purpose in life appears to be repeating the pronouncements of M. getoffamylawnii, suggesting that they don't have a full limbic brain between them.

Hailing from the Carolinian swamps, M. lindsaygrahamii is easily identifiable by his whiny intonations, suggesting that the weight of the craton rests on his shoulders, and that only his continued vigilance stands between his constituents and mass extinction.

While there have been some signs of possible evolution in the curiously orange-colored Boehnersaurus lachrymosii, time seems to have turned backwards for his obstructionist henchman associate, Archelon mcconnellii, who reprises his role as fossil fussbudget, chortling as the craton slips into the fiscal subduction zone. These aging GOPasaurs, oblivious to the petroglyphs on the wall, imagine that they have little to lose in trying to drag all of us with them into the Tar Pits of Doom. Fortunately, we're some pretty highly evolved wily coyotes. We're not buying that coprolite.

Originally posted to cassandracarolina's fossil record on Fri Nov 16, 2012 at 10:33 AM PST.

Also republished by Hydrant and Community Spotlight.


What's next for McCainasaurus getoffamylawnii?

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