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I see that you've stopped supporting my business ever since I didn't make that statement.

I mean, I never would have said that I need to charge more because my profit margin might go down a little.  That would have been ridiculous for me to actually say out loud.  What I actually said was that I have uhm... bad employees who have had their hours cut due to them organizing into a union.

Wait!  I mean...

(More walk-backs on the flip)

I treat my employees extra special good!  They don't NEED a union telling them what to do!  I mean unions are a BIG nasty thing that... uhm... TAKES money out of their paychecks!

Which, uh... is exactly what I did, so the union doesn't have to do it!  See, it all works out in the end!  My employees have the same effect as a union, they just pay their dues back to the company.  And who needs to negotiate all those complicated things like higher paychecks, and working hours, and benefits?  That's why we don't have any of those things!  It's simply to simplify my workers lives.

And as far as clocking in before the shift, It's not like I'm actually stealing from my employees.  They get paid for WORKING, not for walking to and from the workplace.  And besides, if I let one person slide on that, they ALL will slide on that, and my profit margin would get eaten up by people falsifying time cards.  Which is why I make certain that I take measures before it becomes a problem.  

Now, as far as the surcharges, well, obviously the media misrepresented that.  It's not a surcharge, it's a mandatory gratuity!  You know, like a delivery charge.  Heck, I have to hire people JUST to bring the food from the kitchen because you people keep insisting on delivery!  If I have to pay an employee to do that, It only makes sense that I should charge for that.   And if I have to pay an employee an hourly wage, I of course will have to pay for Obamacare FOR that employee, so I'm just passing on the charges to the customer, like any responsible business owner.

Clearly all of this has been blown completely out of proportion.  If I want to demand that all of my employees share my faith, that is my right as a private individual.  You folks have no right to boycott my store, because you're going against the 1st Amendment if you do that!  I have freedom of religion, and you folks are just being intolerant.  As a matter of fact, my religion believes that ALL employees of all stores should share my religion.  That is my right as a Gawd Fearing American, and if you don't believe in that, clearly you're against what America stands for.

So, once again, it's clear that you don't understand exactly why everything I said was just fine and dandy.  It's because of left wing lunatics in the media that my statements have even been distributed widely with criticism.  If we had a fair and balanced media, every one of my statements would stand without being nitpicked to death by people who clearly have an anti-corporate agenda.

And we have always been at war with Oceania.

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