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Late Night…[Urrrrp!!!]…Snark

"President Obama is in town. He's visiting the places that were destroyed by Hurricane Sandy. And he's visiting people who lost their power. Those are Republicans, but that's a different story."
---David Letterman
"The Republicans are in full sour grapes mode. They lost because of 'Obama's dirty tactics,' the 'biased media,' 'non-whites' and the promise of 'giveaways to takers.' Y'know, if you scrubbed every inch of your house and something still smells like shit, it's time to take a shower."
---Bill Maher
"There's a petition for Texas to secede. It has 25,000 signatures. The signatures are from every state but Texas."
---Conan O'Brien
"President Obama is about to pardon a turkey. What did the turkey know about Benghazi??!!!"
---Stephen Colbert
Clip of Bill O'Reilly: Traditional America as we knew it is gone. Ward, June, Wally and the Beav…outta here.
Jon Stewart: Yes, Bill. Obama's re-election marked the moment that traditional America ended; the moment when the family from the 1950s sitcom Leave It To Beaver ceased to be real.
---The Daily Show
"Don't let anything happen to him! He is precious cargo!!!"
---Amy Poehler to Joe Biden's Secret Service detail on Parks & Recreation"
"A Rhode Island man was arrested after he told a knock-knock joke at a bar and for the punchline pulled down his pants and waved his genitals around...although some blame rests with the guy at the bar who asked, "Genitals who?"
---Seth Meyers
This is an abbreviated C&J, but in the comments I'll be happy to unleash a torrent of knowledge and wisdom upon you by answering any questions you might have about anything. Home repair, food, relationships, going Galt, mole people living under your house, blogger etiquette, booger etiquette, molecular biology (i.e. sticking things in the microwave oven and seeing what happens)…eh, I know most everything and tonight I'm willing to prove it. I only open my brain to the public once every five years or so, so don’t be shy. Keep in mind that the longer the evening wears on---like, starting about 30 seconds from now---the less coherent my answers will be. So please allow those with urgent first-aid questions to post first.

Oh, and don’t forget to round up some goodies---edibles, knittables, readables, playables, wearables, HoHoHoables, collectibles, etceterables---this weekend and put 'em on the auction block at the 4th annual Netroots Nation Online Holiday Bazaar, which starts next Friday. My donation is already boxed up and ready to go to the lucky winner. And this time I remembered air holes and a bowl of fresh grubs.

Your west coast-friendly edition of  Cheers and Jeers, um, has no fold to start under... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]


Who won the week?

6%415 votes
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