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So those who might follow me, this is going to be a pretty short diary; or maybe long..idk

I've had something recently happen that has me thinking that the odds are always in the house's favor, something is always pressing towards a downward trend. I mean I hate being a pessimistic but there are moments in ones life that feel like that light at the end of the tunnel?

Well its just another train heading your way.

I'll be ranting below below the fold, I don't blame anyone for ignoring what's below.

Lets start by being frank here.

I don't have health insurance. My kids have health insurance, and my wife does until Jan 1st, thanks to the healthy hoosier programs my state has in place. I mean sure my workplace has health care available, but at its exorbitant rate I really would have to choose between a roof over my head or healthcare.

And you know since I really appreciate the roof over my head, I chose the Vegas route of gambling with my health vs giving my family a roof over their heads.

Who can you blame except me?

So it is with that weight that I found a possible mole on my human form that just might be cancerous. I mean I don't know for certain, but I do know that this growth on my right hip came out of no where and feels sore from time to time, and literally fits all of the mayo clinic descriptions of cancer just might be the thing.

Most normal people wouldn't be as freaked out as I am right now, but most normal people don't have Melanoma running in their family. I have four close relatives who have suffered the disease.

So while I might present calm to family and friends, I am literally freaked the eff out right now.

And I look back on decisions I made to try and provide for my family to ensure their well being, that being my wife, my son and, my daughter and I feel like I spun the revolver cartridge to many times.

I feel like I am playing out the scene in the Deer Hunter, and unfortunately I am pulling the trigger on the wrong chamber.

This is really just a late night rant. I am frustrated that I live in a country where I have to weigh my health against the future of my family and have to worry about their future.

We shouldn't have to live in a nation like this.

A nation where people with possible and existing health issues are staring down that barrel of a gun.

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