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Binational Same-Sex Couples to Congress: “Enact LGBT-Inclusive Immigration Reform!”

The United States recently celebrated Thanksgiving and, while I am giving thanks for many things, one of my greatest sorrows during this holiday season is that my loving partner, Julie, was not with me to celebrate this greatest of American family holidays. Julie is my family – my chosen family. But our laws in the U.S. dictate that, even though we could legally marry in New York State, I am unable to sponsor her for immigration as my spouse.


It may seem rather cheesy to say we “met online” but, with technology as it is today, when a mutual friend introduced us to each other via email, we found we had a lot in common and became friends. We were email friends for two years before I met Julie in person during a business trip to Australia. And in that meeting, we confirmed that daily emails and weekly Skype visits had led us to more than simply friendship. We knew it would be hard – being a bi-national couple is hard on so many fronts – but being a same-sex couple, when neither of our countries recognized us as a couple, was a harsh reality that confronted us immediately.


I lived in Hong Kong at the time we met. When I retired in 2011, we were finally able to live together full time. We share homes in both Australia and the United States, but after a grilling at the Chicago airport earlier in 2012, we realized that Julie needed to be careful.


It’s been hard over the last several months. Both of  my parents have had surgery, and I have become a primary supporter. Julie was trained as a nurse but, because we fear she might be barred at  immigration, we decided that only I would come back to the U.S. to help  them. My parents love and trust her, and it would benefit them for her
to be able to be here. I would also benefit from her support.


I’ll be honest. I’m one of the lucky ones. Australia  changed its laws in 2009 by defining a “de facto” couple as two people (opposite- or same-gender) who have a genuine, exclusive relationship, but who are not married. Australia has granted me permanent residency as a “de facto” partner. Julie and I went through a process that would be analogous to the US process for sponsoring a spouse for immigration. We proved that our relationship was genuine through a 5-inch stack of paper detailing the mingling of our finances, our daily Skype logs, our email presence, sworn support letters from her family of origin and my business colleagues, police checks (three different countries for me!), and a medical exam. I was granted a two-year temporary residency visa that allowed me to enter and leave Australia at will. Last August, that temporary visa was replaced with a Permanent Resident visa – the equivalent of a U.S. Green Card. I can live, work and pay taxes in Australia. The Australian government recognizes me as part of a couple.


Friends have asked us, “Why don’t you just live in Australia?” We could do that. But we have lives in both countries, and we have family in both countries. We have elderly parents in both countries. We have homes in both countries. If Australia recognizes us, why can’t the United States? Why must we choose one country over the other? Why should I essentially have to live in exile to be with my partner full-time?


My U.S. citizenship is very important to me. I was not born in the U.S. I am a naturalized U.S. citizen, as my father was serving in the United States Army in Germany when I was born. Even though I was born to U.S. citizens, I am not a “natural-born” US citizen. After all that my parents went through for our family and for our country, it’s very hard to be told that my relationship, my family, is not worthy to be in the United States.


The tide is turning in the United States. We celebrated with Maine, Washington and Maryland on Election Day as same-sex marriage was approved at the ballot box. We watch with fingers crossed as the Supreme Court of the United States decides whether to rule on the constitutionality of Section 3 of DOMA on November 30th. We pray for luck every May 1st when the results of the U.S. Diversity Lottery are announced.


For six years now, Julie and I have done everything we can to be together, even though U.S. laws keep us apart. We are both retired, and are watching our available funds for airline tickets dwindle. We watch the aging of our parents, and want to spend as much time with them as we can in their elder years.


We continue to hope. We continue to believe that we are human beings, with the same rights, the same dreams and the same feelings as our straight friends and family. We wish to have the pursuit of happiness in our own backyard!


We are America. We are Australia. We are a family.

Are you a same sex binational couple?  Do you have families / friends affected by this issue?  Please contact us at http://bit.ly/... if you are interested in sharing your story.
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Comment Preferences

  •  When church doctrine becomes (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    swampyankee

    the law of the land then its time to change the government.
    It's right there in the preamble. It's in the bill of rights. It's in the amendments. We have great ideas and shitty implementation of those ideas. We still have people of the various churches trying to dictate national policy.
    I wish that woman and her significant other with all the luck in the world. Something about the right to life liberty and the pursuit of Happiness....

  •  One of us is confused. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    testvet6778
    My U.S. citizenship is very important to me. I was not born in the U.S. I am a naturalized U.S. citizen, as my father was serving in the United States Army in Germany when I was born. Even though I was born to U.S. citizens, I am not a “natural-born” US citizen. After all that my parents went through for our family and for our country, it’s very hard to be told that my relationship, my family, is not worthy to be in the United States.
    Are you running for President? Is there some other reason to distinguish natural born from other citizens? If you were born to a U.S. citizen servicemember and another U.S. citizen don't you enjoy the same "natural borness" that John McCain did, assuming it makes any difference? Why did you need to be naturalized?

    What does your father being a veteran have to do with the unfairness of some couples being more equal than others?

    Since you didn't comment beyond the automatic tip jar in all six of your previous diaries, will you break your pattern and help me clear up my muddled thinking?

    “Meditation is the only intentional, systematic human activity which at bottom is about not trying to improve yourself or get anywhere else, but simply to realize where you already are.” Jon Kabat-Zinn

    by DaNang65 on Thu Nov 29, 2012 at 11:20:47 AM PST

    •  might be like my wife Danang her father (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      DaNang65, chimene

      was in post war germany fell in love with her mother  a German  he then came down on orders for Korea in 1951  he returned to Germany in 1954 to his girlfriend and a 2 year old girl  my wife   they were married and they came to the states at the end of his Germany tour of duty on a troop ship to Ellis Island, her mother  was given a green card as she and her sister both were.

      When her mother did the paperwork for citizenship it included their children this was in early 60s    her birth records are all in German and we had to get translated, notarized copies for her to get her drivers license and passports

      according to the Germans her mother, her and her sister are still Germans  they were born there, my wife gets mad even hearing that  she will tell you in a minute she is an American and has been as far as she is concerned since she learned her Daddy was a US Soldier

      her mother still has the accent  but not my wife or her sister, now all of her Aunts married GIs and moved to the US like my mother in law  and it is all pretty much the same  the aunts all sound german and the kids have the accents where they grew up  NY, Chicago SC   lol

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