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Last night, deranged millionaire John Hodgman was on the Daily Show to discuss how his fellow deranged millionaires were going to react to Obama's re-election.

JON STEWART: That's already the case!!  John, all these threats that you and your fellow CEOs have been making are really exactly what these CEOs have been doing for 30 years now.  What's the difference?

JOHN HODGMAN: The difference?  Well, we used to be motivated by simple profit.  Now we're doing it out of spite.  And as our final punishment to you, we are leaving, Jon.  We are going Galt!  Going Galt, Jon!  Like in Atlas Shrugged.  Here, here, here.  (gives Jon a copy of the book)  Read it.  I'll wait.

JON STEWART: I'm familiar with Atlas Shrugged.  I understand.

JOHN HODGMAN: You'll learn a lot.

JON STEWART: John Galt and other top industrialists abandon an ungrateful nation, form their own society in a secret valley in Colorado.

JOHN HODGMAN: Yes.

JON STEWART: So that's what you're doing?

JOHN HODGMAN: Oh, we've already done it, Jon.  Technically, it's more like a secret condominium development in Sarasota.  Open only to those virtuous enough to have made enormous amounts of money, or to have inherited a lot of money.  But no Powerball winners, Jon!  Just quality people.

JON STEWART: So... how is this community going?

JOHN HODGMAN: Great!  It's going great!  It's going great.  What could be more invigorating than spending all day with older white guys and their third wives?  In fact, I just came back to say goodbye.

JON STEWART: All right, well, goodbye.

JOHN HODGMAN: And!  To give you one last chance.  We could hold another election right now, get the right result.

JON STEWART: No, I think we're good.  Take your book.

JOHN HODGMAN: OK, then, goodbye.

JON STEWART: All right, bye.

JOHN HODGMAN: Unless you wanted to bring back slavery, we could stick around?

JON STEWART: Nope!  That's a non-starter, that's a non-starter, that's not happening.  Goodbye.

JOHN HODGMAN: OK.  Goodbye forever.

JON STEWART: All right, John.

JOHN HODGMAN: But... what....  I'm sorry, did I just hear you groveling an apology?  Was that...?

JON STEWART: No, I said OK, you can go.

JOHN HODGMAN: Don't make me go, Jon!

JON STEWART: What?

JOHN HODGMAN: It's a nightmare over there!  It's nothing but money managers and trust fund kids and Trumps!  No one knows how to cook or clean or make... what's that thing that keeps you warm?

JON STEWART: Heat?

JOHN HODGMAN: Heat!  Yes!  Where does that come from?  Oh, it's too many chiefs, Jon, not enough Indians, if you know what I mean.  Or Mexicans.  Oh!  I miss the Mexicans!  I miss them so much!  Ahh!!  I'm so sorry I have to leave!!  (blows nose again)  Do you have a clean $100 dollar bill?

Video and full transcript below the fold.

You know, in the weeks leading up to the recent election, some of America's business leaders offered some very dire predictions.
DAVID SIEGEL (10/12/2012): Four more years of Obama will mean that we're going to have to tighten our belts even further, lay off more people.

BOB MURRAY (9/24/2012): These people just wanna work in honor and dignity, and this President is denying that.

MAN ON FOX NEWS (10/12/2012): We're going to cancel their health care.

WOMAN ON FOX NEWS (10/12/2012): I cannot pay my staff and pay all these taxes.  It just... there's only so much blood you can get out of a turnip.

(confused audience laughter)

I don't think you can get any blood out of a turnip.  Unless... oh my God, those weren't turnips!

Yes, some business owners were explicit that an Obama re-election would, in their eyes, doom their blood turnip businesses.  But, now that Obama's been re-elected, how have the job creators amongst us reacted?

JON STEWART: For answers, we turn to our resident deranged millionaire John Hodgman.  John?  (audience applauds)

JOHN HODGMAN: How dare you!  How dare you applaud me now?  After you shiftless moochers rejected everything that is good and right and wealthy in this world?

JON STEWART: Well.  You're still upset that Mitt Romney lost.

JOHN HODGMAN: I don't know... I don't understand why it happened, Jon.  I mean, we all agree that wealthy Americans are the best Americans.

JON STEWART: Well, not everybody agrees with that.

JOHN HODGMAN: Well, everyone I know does.  And Mitt Romney was the wealthiest American.  Or at least the wealthiest who is willing to touch your hands and lift your babies.  I mean, Romney was a rich man, and he wanted to be President.  What more could he have done to earn your vote?  I don't even know what's happening with this country anymore, Jon!  (blows his nose)

JON STEWART: Did you just blow your nose with a $100 dollar bill?

JOHN HODGMAN: I can't use a $50, Jon.  Grant's beard is too scratchy.

JON STEWART: I'm sorry, John.

JOHN HODGMAN: Oh, you'll be sorry.  You'll all be sorry.  You'll regret crossing us job creators just because you wanted your Obama gifts of college loans and gay love and marijuana.  Oh, of course you say "Woo!" to marijuana!  But how Rocky Mountain high will you feel when I refuse to give you a good job deep-frying gruel for $4 dollars an hour?

JON STEWART: You deep-fry gruel?  That's a....

JOHN HODGMAN: Yeah.  You know I own a chain of theme restaurants based on the Industrial Revolution, don't you?

JON STEWART: I actually did not.

JOHN HODGMAN: Of course.

JON STEWART: I'm unaware of that.

JOHN HODGMAN: It's called Please, Sir, May I Have Some More's?

JON STEWART: I didn't know that.

JOHN HODGMAN: Yeah.  All the waiters are orphans.  Or will be.  But now that you've re-elected Obama, I and the other deranged millionaires can no longer afford American workers' pricey demands.  I mean, I hate to say it, but we might just have to start shipping jobs overseas.

JON STEWART: What, start??  Companies have been shipping jobs overseas for years now!  That's not a....

JOHN HODGMAN: And I hate to say it, but once Obamacare kicks in, I might just have to technically make everyone a part-time employee in order to avoid having to pay their health insurance.

JON STEWART: But, that's a pretty standard corporate tactic again, for years!  Believe me, I'm at Viacom, that's all they do, is throw people off all the time.  Part-time!

JOHN HODGMAN: Well, no matter how hard you work, I might just have to keep your wages stagnant.

JON STEWART: That's already the case!!  John, all these threats that you and your fellow CEOs have been making are really exactly what these CEOs have been doing for 30 years now.  What's the difference?

JOHN HODGMAN: The difference?  Well, we used to be motivated by simple profit.  Now we're doing it out of spite.  And as our final punishment to you, we are leaving, Jon.  We are going Galt!  Going Galt, Jon!  Like in Atlas Shrugged.  Here, here, here.  (gives Jon a copy of the book)  Read it.  I'll wait.

JON STEWART: I'm familiar with Atlas Shrugged.  I understand.

JOHN HODGMAN: You'll learn a lot.

JON STEWART: John Galt and other top industrialists abandon an ungrateful nation, form their own society in a secret valley in Colorado.

JOHN HODGMAN: Yes.

JON STEWART: So that's what you're doing?

JOHN HODGMAN: Oh, we've already done it, Jon.  Technically, it's more like a secret condominium development in Sarasota.  Open only to those virtuous enough to have made enormous amounts of money, or to have inherited a lot of money.  But no Powerball winners, Jon!  Just quality people.

JON STEWART: So... how is this community going?

JOHN HODGMAN: Great!  It's going great!  It's going great.  What could be more invigorating than spending all day with older white guys and their third wives?  In fact, I just came back to say goodbye.

JON STEWART: All right, well, goodbye.

JOHN HODGMAN: And!  To give you one last chance.  We could hold another election right now, get the right result.

JON STEWART: No, I think we're good.  Take your book.

JOHN HODGMAN: OK, then, goodbye.

JON STEWART: All right, bye.

JOHN HODGMAN: Unless you wanted to bring back slavery, we could stick around?

JON STEWART: Nope!  That's a non-starter, that's a non-starter, that's not happening.  Goodbye.

JOHN HODGMAN: OK.  Goodbye forever.

JON STEWART: All right, John.

JOHN HODGMAN: But... what....  I'm sorry, did I just hear you groveling an apology?  Was that...?

JON STEWART: No, I said OK, you can go.

JOHN HODGMAN: Don't make me go, Jon!

JON STEWART: What?

JOHN HODGMAN: It's a nightmare over there!  It's nothing but money managers and trust fund kids and Trumps!  No one knows how to cook or clean or make... what's that thing that keeps you warm?

JON STEWART: Heat?

JOHN HODGMAN: Heat!  Yes!  Where does that come from?  Oh, it's too many chiefs, Jon, not enough Indians, if you know what I mean.  Or Mexicans.  Oh!  I miss the Mexicans!  I miss them so much!  Ahh!!  I'm so sorry I have to leave!!  (blows nose again)  Do you have a clean $100 dollar bill?

JON STEWART: No I don't, John.  John Hodgman, everybody.  We'll be right back.

Jon also briefly covered Mitt Romney's lunch with Obama, before discussing how the media is trying to find the proper term to use for the fiscal cliff/curb/slope/garden.
Meanwhile, Stephen gave out some more Tips/Wags, including to Colorado University for having a dorm for students with concealed carry permits.

He then looked at how his new book is doing on the New York Times bestseller list.

Jon had on humorist Calvin Trillin, and Stephen had on physicist Sean Carroll.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Fri Nov 30, 2012 at 05:00 AM PST.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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