WYFP is our community's Saturday evening gathering to talk about our problems, empathize with one another, and share advice, pootie pictures, favorite adult beverages, and anything else that we think might help. Everyone and all sorts of troubles are welcome. May we find peace and healing here. Won't you please share the joy of WYFP by recommending?I volunteered to write tonight’s WYFP diary because today would have been my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary. It’s a FP because, I’m not sure how to deal with it. Mom passed in June of 2007, before her 63rd birthday and their 45th wedding anniversary. While I wasn’t terribly close with my mom, she was one of the constants in my early life.
I’m not sure how to interact with dad on this day. During the family Thanksgiving, he did say that he remembered that this year would have been their 50th. How does one recognize a milestone that wasn’t realized??
I thought I’d have plenty to write about, but I don’t. I’ve mixed feelings. I know that mom hated the physical condition she was in and there was nothing that could be done. She had CMT, a genetic, neuro-muscular disorder that caused many difficulties and related issues. There is no treatment for CMT, nor will there likely be any. Mostly because of this country’s political and religious will to prevent extensive stem cell research. That’s a whole ‘nother FP right there. Knowing this about how mom felt, kinda makes me glad that she’s no longer in pain. But, the kid in my still wants her mommy from time to time.
Then there are the differences we had and I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with them any longer. She was very, very good at guilting me into becoming the ‘secondary’ ‘caregiver’ in the family. She wanted expected me to be available for her needs and anything that my sister may have needed (sis also has CMT) at a phone call. Never mind if I had any plans, or just didn’t feel like it…. Nope that’s not acceptable….. I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with the emotional blackmail any longer. But, I feel guilty about that!! Oh, how things become ingrained….
I was thinking that dad would be a bit more emotional about today’s anniversary. Since I’m writing this ahead of time, I really don’t know how he’s going to be Saturday. I may try to update this, depending upon how things go Saturday. Dad is seldom publically emotional and even within just the family isn’t all that open with emotions. After the Thanksgiving dinner, I think he may be ok with lots of things – maybe has come to terms with it. Again, it’s only Thursday. I may find out the real story Saturday.
I was debating about what I should do to recognize the anniversary. Should I pretend it’s just another day?? Should I make a big deal out of it?? Something somewhere in between. I’m going to try for something in between and kinda understated. Here’s a little background – mom liked angels and believed in them. I’ve known this forever. When Hallmark started issuing a series of angel ornaments 25 years ago, I started getting them for her for Christmas. The series is called “Mary’s Angels”. Quite cute and not all of them are the cherub or blond, blue eyed beauty. Mary’s Angels are all different, a few Asian complexioned, an African, some dark haired, some light haired, some in between. Mom really liked that they were like ‘normal’ people.
After mom passed, dad specifically told me that he wanted me to continue getting the series for him. Since 2002 there have been several ‘alternate’, ‘special’ ornaments that are ‘limited editions’ and are usually just the same ornament in a different color. When dad found out that they existed, he wanted me to try to find them as well. Since then, I’ve been getting the alternates as well as the originals when they come out. But, there’s still 4 that’ I’ve not found at a ‘reasonable’ price and I’ve told him that I’m not sure if I could fork over $150 for an ornament. He agreed.
However, I still keep looking for them. Over the years, I’ve found 2 of the 6 alternates/specials that came out before mom passed. One of them I’ve already given to him one Christmas. I’m trying to figure out how to give him the other one this Saturday.
I’m thinking about wrapping it up and go over when he’s taking the girls back home and putting it on his desk, where he won’t miss it. But, dad said that the girls may be staying over Saturday night as well. So, if that’s the case, I think I’ll pick up some local spaghetti and go over around dinner time and ‘sneak’ the package to his desk then. This is why I’m writing this on Thursday. Things are in flux for Saturday…. I’ll update when I get back home.
So, what’s your FP this week??
PS – So, far this is how things have gone today… Called dad around 9 am to ask if he had the girls for the whole weekend. No, didn’t have them at all, he’s headed down to the farm. Asked him what time he thought he’d be back, around 6pm. Then asked if he wanted dinner on me when he got back, no, he’ll probably get something in Mt Pleasant on the way home as he’s not bringing down anything for lunch. Ok, talk with you later.
I then went to the local Hallmark store to find a card that might mean something… Found one. The main theme on the card was Peace, Hope, Comfort – along the lines of peace of what is past, hope for a chance of a happy future, and comfort in knowing that people care about you. I added – Wishing things were otherwise – with all my love for both of you – Chris
Then I took the card and ornament and put it on his desk – can’t miss it.
At 6.30, no calls/replies from dad.