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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…

The Week Ahead: Gratuitous Republican-Bashing Edition

Monday President Obama meets with Bulgarian Prime Minister Boyko Borissov and confirms his suspicion that, yes, Republicans have gone nuts over here.

Buster Keaton title frame for the movie
It's Monday. The hilarity begins.
The president also addresses a conference on reducing the threat of nuclear weapons. The top recommendation: keep Republicans away from nukes.

The Supreme Court will likely announce today which gay-marriage appeals court decisions they'll rule on. One case they'll probably steer clear of: You Never Listen vs. You Never Pick Up Your Socks.

Tuesday President Obama pitches his "fiscal cliff" plan to the nation's governors. Very slowly, so the Republican ones can keep up.

Jesus returns to wish everyone "Happy Holidays" and is promptly demonized as a pagan commie by Fox News.

Wednesday Fiscal cliff negotiations continue. Republicans claim they've got the upper hand. Then again, they lie about everything.

The ADP private-sector employment numbers for November are released. Employment among the Republican pollsters and pundits who were dizzyingly wrong in their 2012 election predictions remains, of course, at 100%.

Thursday Exactly one month after Obama got re-elected, the National Christmas Tree gets lit. But not quite as lit as Republicans get in a vain attempt to forget that Obama got re-elected exactly one month ago.

Friday After sporting it for 40 years, Romney-campaign-slayer David Axelrod shaves off his mustache live on MSNBC. Which is pretty amazing when you consider that he's only 41.

A new movie opens in which Franklin Delano Roosevelt---who defeated Republicans in four presidential elections---is played by Bill Murray. Spoiler alert: the gopher wins again.

It's Monday. Saddle up. We ride. Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, December 3, 2012

Note: The Netroots Nation Holiday Bazaar online auction is now OPEN!  Please don’t stomp your fellow Kossacks as you cram through the doors.  And if you plan to drink during your visit, make sure you appoint a designated bidder.  Ends tomorrow night!

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Festivus: 20
Days 'til the Cherrywood Art Fair at Maplewood Elementary School in Austin: 5
Number of the 20 committee chairs chosen by House Republicans who are either white men or a woman not a member of the committee she was picked to head: 20
Average rate on a 30-year mortgage: 3.31%
The last time mortgage rates were that low: 1971
(Source: Freddie Mac)
Amount we'd save over 30 years if we moved from paper dollars to dollar coins: $4.4 billion
(Source: NBC News)
Current score in the war on Christmas: 3-2 (Pagans lead)

Totally random NFL score:

New England 23  Miami 16

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Not a breed you normally associate with the name Penelope…

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Happy New Year 2012
Oh, and before I forget: Happy
New Year 2012! Have a great one!
-
CHEERS to December. The year's glorious, sparkling, musical, snow-bedecked, bell-ringing, Norman Rockwellesque grand finale!  Bring on the swans a'swimming, sharpen your dreidl tip and polish your Festivus pole.  Oh, and check the expiration date on the eggnog that's been sitting in the back of your fridge since 1997 before you take a swig. (If it's turned semi-solid, you can use it to patch potholes in your driveway.) And remember the Republican mantra: You can't spell Noel without "No!"

The White house on fire during the War of 1812
December Safety Tip: Do NOT
leave Christmas lights unattended.
JEERS to December.  The year's stress-filled, bone chilling, mall-mad, dark-by-3, be-cheerful-or-else, and oh-look-it's-a-giant-blizzard grand finale.  The Harry Simeone choir will make curmudgeons' ears bleed by the bucketful, and you just know there are a handful of beloved mega-celebrities who will inconvenience us by dying this month. (I miss you already, whoever you are...you brought [joy, laughter, amazing innovations] to millions and broke new ground in whatever you did).  The wise among us will forgo candy canes and instead hang holiday-themed Prozac Pez dispensers.  And if the right-wingers mean to have a War on Christmas, let it begin here and now!  Load the fruitcake into the catapult!  Ready!  Fire!  [Splot!]  Um...Aim.

CHEERS to making things right.  Over the weekend I saw a tweet by a right-wing nut named Peter LaBarbera.  It read: "Since there's a World AIDS Day (Dec. 1), is there a World Alzheimer's Day, + a World Diabetes Day?"  Get it?  The gays and their AIDS get special treatment from the media, see?  Isn't Mr. Barbera clever!  Not so much, as Joe at Joe My God pointed out:

Actually…there IS a World Alzehimer's Day and a World Diabetes Day.  And a World Cancer Day and so on and so on.
I also seem to recall a weekend where every NFL team and umpire wore lots of pink---gee, I wonder why.  Anyway, I responded to Mr. LaBarbera's tweet by tweeting back and calling him garbage.  On reflection, my words were unfair and highly insulting, so I'm here to issue an apology.  I'm sorry for comparing you to Mr. LaBarbera, garbage.  Please forgive me.

CHEERS to the Land Of Lincoln and Obama.  Happy Birthday, Illinois---194 years old today!  The name means "Tribe of superior men."  Deadbeat dad and former crazy congressman Joe Walsh is also from Illinois.  Oh well...every village has its idiot.

JEERS to another week of eye-rolling.  Here's a hint of what Republicans plan for this week as the insufferable fiscal not-a-cliff kvetching goes back-and-forth, courtesy of a very un-serious person:

Cleavon Little in Blazing Saddles
Cleavon Little was an excellent
self-hostage taker. Republicans,
you're no Cleavon Little.
Rep. Tom Cole (R-OK) said Sunday Republicans do not need to put forward a counter offer to President Obama's debt deal proposal.  Cole was responding to Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, who made the rounds on the Sunday shows calling on Republicans to put forward their own plan debt-reduction plan.

"I don't think we need to put a formal proposal out on the table," Cole said on ABC's "This Week." … Cole also bashed the plan Geithner brought to congressional leaders this week. "I want to thank the president and Tim Geithner for re-uniting and re-energizing the Republican caucus," he said.  "Because that offer---they must think John Boehner is Santa Claus, because that is a Christmas wish list, not a real proposal."

Whatever.  The freight train is heading towards them, not us.  Woo Woo, muthuhfuggahs.  Enjoy negotiating with yourselves.  We can tell you from experience: that don’t end up so good.

JEERS to "out with the old, in with the same old."  Maine's new GOP chairman was chosen yesterday.  The portly white extremist tea party dude with a cheesy mustache has been replaced with…a portly white extremist tea party dude with a cheesy mustache!  I'm sensing a pattern.

CHEERS to---A-ooooga!!!---seeing up close.  On this date in 1621, Galileo finished inventing the telescope.  The following day the lady next door came up with an invention of her own: window blinds.

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Four years ago in C&J: December 3, 2008

CHEERS to Pine Tree State roots.  Oh, about our new Ambassador to the U.N., Susan "Not Condi" Rice.  Turns out she's practically my sister (via the Portland Press Herald):

Rice, a foreign policy expert who worked in the Clinton administration and advised Obama during his campaign, is the daughter of Lois Dickson Rice, a noteworthy Maine native who grew up in a prominent Portland family.  Susan Rice often visits Maine, where the family has a summer home in Lincolnville. She was in Portland in January, when she was keynote speaker at the annual Martin Luther King Jr. Breakfast Celebration. ...

In appointing Rice to be his envoy to the United Nations, Obama elevated the post to a Cabinet position.  He has called Rice a close and trusted adviser who knows the global challenges faced by the United States.

Once again I feel an obligation---driven by patriotism---to invoke the Palin Principle of expertise by osmosis: Ms. Rice has Maine ties + I have Maine ties = I am now a member of Obama's cabinet.  I prefer a corner suite but I'll settle for a cubicle in the Oval Office.

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And just one more…

Mercury
Home of Santa's new workshop?
JEERS to Ho-Ho-Home away from Ho-Ho-Home.  The good news: Santa Claus doesn’t have to worry about not being able to live at the North Pole.  Yes, even if all our icecaps melt, Santa will always be able to live at the North Pole.  The bad news: his backup North Pole is on Mercury.  If that comes to pass, his sleigh is gonna need a warp drive.  And a bigger pee cup.

Have a tolerable Monday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"If anybody's going to be named person of the year, it ought to be Bill in Portland Maine!"
---Rush Limbaugh

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Poll

Do you think the American prison at Guantanamo will be closed down during President Obama's second term?

25%1399 votes
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| 5565 votes | Vote | Results

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