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Little Gay Billy's BIG Gay Newsapalooza!

>> Here in Maine, same-sex marriages will officially be legal on December 29th. The Christian conservatives who fought tooth and nail to keep it from happening on grounds of armageddon will barely bat an eye. They'll be too busy looking for a new villain to scare their faithful over. Until they decide, I'm guessing Obama will be their default Beelzebub.

>> The marriage referendum in Washington state will have its results certified today, with official knot-tying starting next Monday. And in Maryland, the "I do's" will begin on January 1.

>> Due to an unusually long game of Spin the Bottle, the Supreme Court wasn't able to announce Monday which of the several DOMA appeals cases (if any) they plan to take up during the current session. They might get around to it next Monday, assuming they sober up in time.

>> Great news via Kossack rserven: the board of trustees of the American Psychiatric Association announced changes Saturday to their official diagnostic manual. It will no longer classify people who are transgender or gender non-conforming as being mentally disordered. The changes will officially take effect in May and it's about damn time.

>> In California, a judge says quacks who think they can turn gay people straight will be allowed to continue their quackery until a challenge to a new state law banning "ex-gay" psychological abuse winds its way through the courts. Presumably, this means the practice of turning straight people gay can also continue by "ex-straight" therapists. All zero of them.

>> Did you hear about the school in Arizona where two students---both male--- were punished for fighting by being forced to hold hands in a common area for 15 minutes? A universal gesture of support and affection is twisted into a blunt psychological tool of shame and punishment. Sounds like something straight out of the Arpaio playbook. Stay classy, Arizona.

>> Next time we send a probe to another planet, can we send the leadership of Uganda with it? Good---I love unanimous consent.

>> Todd Gloria, who is out and proud, was voted president of the San Diego City Council. The march to total world domination by the lavender horde continues. Bwoo ha…JAZZ HANDS!

And one other quick note: a lot of Kossacks, bless all y'alls hearts, are wondering if my partner Michael and I plan to get hitched here in Maine. Short answer: not yet. We want it to be a very traditional marriage---I insist that his family bequeath him to me as property, and he insists on being able to stone me to death if I ever cheat on him. We'll keep you posted.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Note: Please be aware that the Baldwin sisters' eggnog is likely spiked with moonshine.  The proper authorities have been notified.


By the Numbers:
Days 'til Christmas: 20
Days 'til the Saco (Maine) Spirit Holiday Festival and Parade of Lights: 3
Republican congressmen stripped of their House committee assignments because the establishment was getting so sick of their extremist tea party bullshit: 4
Reduction in the number of vacation days American workers are taking this year vs. 2011: 2
Reduction in the number of vacation days available to the average American worker this year vs. 2011: 2
(Source: MSNBC)
How much a cubic foot of powdery snow and wet snow, respectively, weighs: 3 pounds / 10 pounds
(Source: USA Today)
Number of people served by one batch of Carole Hackett's award-winning Terrine-style meatloaf: 10
(Source: The Portland Press Herald)


Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 4 Date Settings and 1 Prayer Pootie).  Soul Protection Factor 14 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.  


Puppy Pic of the Day: Veronica Fluffington Hamster-Furby makes her move…


CHEERS to warrin' Warren.  Nobody ever refers to the Senate Banking Committee as just "The Senate Banking Committee."  No, no, no.  It's always referred to as "The POWERFUL Senate Banking Committee," followed by a window-rattling crack of thunder.  Yesterday we learned that Senator-elect Elizabeth Warren was given a seat on the---say it with me---POWERFUL Senate Banking Committee.  Wall Street CEOs are so upset this morning that they dropped a martini olive in their eggs Benny.  The horror.

JEERS to Fiscal Cliff Theatre.  In case you missed it, here's a brief recap of yesterday's drama between the White House and Republicans in Congress:

"Ahhh! The fiscal cliff!
My vertigo! My vertigo!"
"Your Republican counter-proposal is like magic beans and fairy dust."
  "Well, your Democrat proposal is like glitter gumdrops and butterscotch rainbows."
"Yours is like waterfall wishes and pudding ponies!"
  "Yours is like lollipop Segways and koala bear masseurs!"
"Yours is like unicorns and flying pigs!!!"
  "Yours is…um…hey, someone help me out here."
"Underpants gnomes and the Easter Bunny!"
  "Nah, that doesn’t work---they exist.  I need something imaginary!"
After that it got kinda weird.  This morning the debate continues with dueling super soakers.

CHEERS to sweet victory.  On today's date in 1792, George Washington won reelection. It was a brutal campaign.  His challenger was a real jerk Washington.  Watching him debate himself was actually a little creepy: "Shan't!"  "Shall!"  "Shan't!"  "Shall!"  "Thy wife weareth the boots of a paymaster in the Continental Army!"  "Okay, okay...thou hast me there, I concedeth the point."  "Then bullocks to you, I win!"  Oh...Did I mention he owned his own distillery?

CHEERS to cutting and running from the crazy.  Dick Armey, who was instrumental in helping found the tea party movement and all the corporation-funded bullshit it stood for, is cutting all ties with Freedomworks:

Dick Armey has a word for you: SUCKER!!!
Armey indicated that he wants nothing to do with FreedomWorks anymore. He asked that all user names, passwords, and security-related data created in his name be emailed to him by the close of business on December 4. He even insisted that FreedomWorks---"effective immediately"---was "prohibited" from using a booklet he authored.
Armey leaves with an $8 million severence package.  Mark it down in the history books: the moran actually had a brain.  Well played, sir.

TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! to the original Animal House.  On December 5, 1776, Phi Beta kappa, the first "scholastic" (snort!) fraternity in America, got started at the College of William and Mary.  It was immediately followed by the first pair of bloomers to be run up a flagpole.

JEERS to kicking people when they're down and can't get back up.  By voting nearly in lockstep to defeat a U.N. treaty that the rest of the world had ratified, yesterday will always be remembered as the day when Senate Republicans sent a strong message to the world's disabled people: DROP DEAD.  Or, as they refer to it: a day ending in y.  Nice friends you have there, Mr. Dole.

President Martin Van Buren
Historians voted Martin Van Buren
as the president most likely to
be cast in the musical "Cats."
CHEERS (if we must) to #8.  Martin Van Buren (aka "Martin Van Ruin") turns 230 today.  He sat around picking his nose during the depression and panic of 1837, and was on duty during the time of the shameful Trail of Tears.  In the plus column, he averted conflicts with Britain and Canada.  But talk about your Herculean wafflers:
Martin Van Buren was renowned for not taking a stand.  One story, which Van Buren admits to in his autobiography, tells how one senator accepted a bet that he could actually make Van Buren admit to something with finality.  "It's been rumored that the sun rises in the east," said the senator to Van Buren.  "Do you believe it?"  "Well, Senator," came the reply, "I understand that's the common acceptance, but as I never get up till after dawn, I can't really say."
---From The Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O'Brien
I think we just discovered Mitt Romney's secret role model.

CHEERS to the end of the dark times.  Another reason why FDR rocked the planet: on December 5, 1933, Americans crowded into bars to buy their first legal alcoholic beverages in 13 years, following the repeal of Prohibition.  I'll drink to that.  Every blessed day.


Four years ago in C&J: December 5, 2008

CHEERS to breakfast with Barack.  The 44th President of the United States will calmly tolerate several silly questions by Tom Brokaw ("What is your re-election strategy for 2012?") as he uses Meet the Press as a megaphone to speak to America.  Finally...a reason to get up on Sunday before noon.


And just one more…

CHEERS to galactic swirlies.  Another reason why it's always wise to be nice to your neighbors: Texas astronomers have found one of the universe's largest black holes down the road apiece.  You want to stay on its good side, I think:

Matter swirling around a black hole
What do you get a black hole for
the holidays? Whatever it wants!
The black hole inside the small, compact galaxy known as NGC 1277, located about 250 million light years away in the constellation Perseus, weighs in at 17 billion times the mass of the sun.  In comparison, the supermassive black hole at the heart of our Milky Way galaxy is equal to the mass of about 4 million suns. …

"We didn't expect these systems to exist at all, but because the stars move so incredibly fast in the centers of these objects, we know these big black holes exist in these small galaxies," astronomer Remco van den Bosch, with the Max Planck Institute for Astronomy in Germany, wrote in an email to Discovery News.  "Now that we have found that these crazy kind of galaxies exist, we want to know how they form and how (un-)common they are."

Which reminds me: what's the difference between a black hole and soon to-be-ex-congressman Allen West?  Mostly the word "ass."

Have a middle-of-the-week Wednesday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Who would the American mainstream hold responsible for this mess?  According to a new Washington Post-Pew Research Center poll, it's not a close call.  By a nearly two-to-one margin, Americans would blame Bill in Portland Maine.
---Steve Benen
The Maddow Blog



Grover Norquist promises that the rise of the 'second tea party' will dwarf the rise of the first tea party and we'll all be sorry we trifled with him. Your reaction?

1%99 votes
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