Reading this diary this morning reminded me that much of what appears to be "schmoozing" is not the act of deference or weakness that some folks imagine. Far from it: properly executed schmoozing is manipulation elevated to an art form.
As described in Doris Kearns Goodwin's amazing Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln"; Lincoln's active and prolonged involvement of his bitter enemies in his government wasn't about acquiescence or social convenience or trying to be nice; it was about keeping his enemies close and leveraging their capabilities to advance an agenda. As one of the reviewers on Amazon noted:
'Team of Rivals" shows just how deep and intelligent Lincoln really was. Whether during his time working as a lawyer or as a Congressman from Illinois or as a presidential candidate or as President of the U.S., Goodwin shows how the political mind of Lincoln worked and how he used his knowledge and people skills to get others, even those who may oppose him, to come around to his way of thinking.
Reprehensible as some here may find President Obama's apparent "schmoozing" with the archvillains of the GOP, I really wish folks would give him credit for what he's really doing: applying his intelligence - including his emotional intelligence - to finding and exploiting the weaknesses of others. All the while, he's smiling and resting a confident hand on their arm, making them feel important. With every word, gesture, and bit of body language, he's backing them into a smaller and smaller space, with their permission, even their gratitude.
People driven by ego are amazingly fun targets for this sort of manipulation, and you know that there are plenty of those folks in Congress. There are plenty of them in the corporate world too, and if a plain-looking 5'4" woman like me can manipulate them, think what a tall, handsome man could do.
In the course of my 37-year career in corporate America, I've gotten a lot done by involving my detractors... and I have had detractors. Some were bosses, some were co-workers, some were sneaky passive-aggressive types, others were openly bombastic hecklers. Most of them, though, were unable to differentiate between schmoozing and manipulation, to my amazement.
Why bother with this, you might ask. Why not just avoid these people? Often, they're out to thwart your plans, undermine your work, or assail your reputation with your peers, managers, or customers. You really can't let that pass... at least I can't. Being able to manipulate and coopt these people to your cause has some great advantages.
First of all, it catches them off guard and puts them under a spotlight, rather than allowing them to continue to snipe and wreak havoc from some safe place. This in itself is enough to cause some evildoers to scurry like cockroaches when you turn on the light. If not, it still puts them on notice that people might be watching them, which may give them pause... or make them even more devious in their dealings.
Secondly, it turns out that some of these people just want someone to truly listen to them. Once someone does that, it defuses much of their anger. This works well with all sorts of people: angry citizens at public meetings, angry customers who want to vent, resentful coworkers who've been accumulating grievances (real or perceived), and out-of-sorts bosses who are looking for someone to blame. Nothing takes the wind out of their sails faster than someone who acknowledges their feelings and is willing to sit down with them and let them "drain the swamp".
Third, much of what passes for schmoozing is really a clever person manipulating the more witless person; backing them into a corner with the utmost of ostensible charm. While an onlooker might realize what's happening, the "victim" often hasn't a clue. You'd be amazed at how easy this is when you're dealing with shallow, ego-driven people who happily mistake your interest for validation, your hollow flattery for real respect.
Finally, whether in politics or in corporate life, this is How Things Get Done. Sure, we'd like to believe that all of our dealings with people we work with are honest, sincere, and respectful, and that we all bring only our best attributes to bear on every situation. In reality, though, we're human, with all of the charms and vulnerabilities that entails. We use the gifts we have, and the skills we've learned through trial and error, to make our way through this world and push for the results that we want - or need - to achieve.