Obama and the Democrats in Congress point out that they've already voted for 1.6 trillion dollars in spending cuts. The White House said "no" to GOP proposals to cut Medicare and Social Security. So what the hell kind of cuts are Republicans looking for, to get this deal done?
Now we know, because Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell just told us. The thing that's stopping the GOP from signing an agreement that will prevent a tax hike on the American middle class is: a mechanical squirrel. According to Senator McConnell, the mechanical squirrel's name is "Robo-Squirrel."
(WARNING: What follows is a real news story. I did not make this up. C-SPAN has video of this, actually happening. See the following:)
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) took to the Senate floor on Tuesday to blast Democrats for spending $325,000 educating students with a “robo-squirrel” project...(CONTINUED)
...“Get this, taxpayers also just spent $325,000 on a robotic squirrel named robo-squirrel,” the Kentucky Republican complained...THAT'S what's stopping Republicans from signing an agreement that will prevent America from going off a "fiscal cliff?" Robo-Squirrel? God DAMN his bushy-tailed little android rodent ASS! (I mean Robo-Squirrel, not McConnell.)
“Don’t you think he could put together spending cuts that at least — at least — includes robo-squirrel?” McConnell opined. “We’re still waiting."
Listen: I'm only gonna say this once. If that's what it takes to get Republicans back to the table to stop tax hikes on working class American families: give McConnell his head on this Robo-Squirrel thing. I don't care how cute he is--throw Robo-Squirrel under the bus, Mr. President.
"You're a hard man," you say to me. And maybe you're right. But I value my country and my fellow citizens far more than the continued existence of some buck-toothed, nut-hoarding cyborg I've never even met. And I won't apologize for that.
They built Robo-Squirrel to shake his tail at rattlesnakes, to see if that discouraged rattlesnakes from biting squirrels. It did. Great! MISSION...ACCOMPLISHED. So throw Robo-Squirrel under the bus--or into the garbage disposal, or wherever, Obama!
It's not like we can't replace him once he's in the recycling and McConnell's satisfied. We can replace Robo-Squirrel easily--after the Republicans have signed off on tax hikes for their wealthy owners.
I'll go further. If the President agrees to ditch Robo-Squirrel: I, myself, will pay for a replacement robot squirrel!
"WHAT?" you exclaim. (And you're absolutely right.) "You are offering to put up $325,000 of your own money--to build a replacement Robo-Squirrel? Are you NUTS?"
No, I am not, I answer, coolly adjusting my cuffs. "For you see... the federal government did not (as Senator McConnell alleges) spend $325,000 on Robo-Squirrel. Nor did the taxpayers of the United States. Observe:"
San Diego State University spokesperson Greg Block recently told News10 that the actual cost of robo-squirrel was only a few hundred dollars and the rest of the grant went to supporting students (in fact, to the education and training of thirty four students.)A few hundred dollars--a mere bag of shells, if that's the ransom Republicans demand in return for preventing a tax hike on middle class America.
“A small part of the money was spent on building the squirrel, the rest was spent on the students,” Block said. “This is how National Science Foundation grants work.”
I will gladly pay a few hundred dollars, if McConnell and other conservatives can be bought so cheaply.
But all this begs the questions: what kind of idiot really believes the federal government spends $325,000 to build one mechanical squirrel? And how did that idiot--and idiots like him--get into the United States Senate?
LINK: This news item (legendarily entitled "McConnell lashes out at ‘robo-squirrel’ on Senate floor") can be viewed at Raw Story:
LINK: ...the "smoking gun" video of Robo-Squirrel in action. (If they built a "smoking gun" into Robo-Squirrel's head, he could shoot the rattlesnake instead of just wagging his tail at it! Why don't these university people THINK?)