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2012 White House Holiday Card. Artist: Larassa Kabel
The 2012 White House Holiday Card, painted by Larassa Kabel. Obviously anti-Jesus.
It's once again time to get your War on Christmas on, it seems. Fox News wants to beat that horse good and dead and pulpy, and if they can make the irritatingly non-Republican president look anti-Christian while doing it, so much the better. So bring on the excruciatingly forced outrage about how the 2012 White House cards are anti-Christmas because they feature a dog:
The 2012 White House “Holiday” card spotlights the Obama’s family Portuguese water dog — instead of Christmas. […]

The inside of the card reportedly reads, ”This season, may your home be filled with family, friends, and the joy of the holidays.” The card is signed by the entire First Family — along with Bo’s paw print.

Vanity Fair deemed this year’s Obama ‘Holiday’ card his best-ever in a posting titled, “Bo Obama: the True Meaning of Christmas.

The 2012 card made no mention of any specific holiday nor did it include a Bible verse noting the birth of Christ.

Wait, didn't we do this exact same crap last year? Oh, right, we did. And it was even the same damn Fox News writer, Todd Starnes, only last year it even included snippets about how Obama Christmas ornaments were a secret homage to Chairman Mao, according to professional dim bulb and conspiracy hearer-abouter Sarah Effing Palin. Oh, and last year the dog was portrayed as inside the house. This year the dog is outside. That's right, the family dog has changed positions, necessitating a whole new story suspecting that Barack Obama and the entire professional White House staff hates Christmas.

Having a lovely scene of an adorable little dog enjoying a fluffy white winter wonderland is nice and all, but it's no match for what Fox News would prefer to see, which I gather would be a picture of Jesus driving a monster truck through a forest of Christmas trees while holding an assault rifle and shouting Bible verses at fleeing a-rabs. You know, a nice nativity scene. Or at least do what Fox itself does, and release holiday cards based on the theme of murdering one's business adversaries and roasting them over an open fire!

The Fox News piece this year even ends with the exact same bit of George W. Bush humping that the same author ended his 2011 OMG-look-scary-Christmas-conspiracy on. No, really, the exact same one:

Former President Bush did not mention Merry Christmas in his cards, but had a history of including Bible passages on the White House Christmas Cards.

For his final Christmas in office, the president sent a greeting card that included a verse from the Gospel of Matthew.

 “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven,” the card read.

But that was back in the day when Jesus was the reason for the season – not a Portuguese Water dog.

Then former President St. George W. Holydude went back to his day job of ensuring the United States of America tortured prisoners so that we could determine whether or not they were maybe guilty of something, because that is what Jesus himself would have done. Nothing glorifies your Father quite like torture and indefinite detention. That's some serious reason-for-the-season right there, baby.

In all sincerity, at this point I am fairly convinced that all of Fox News is geared towards making all religious-minded Americans look like horrible human beings. I realize the primary goal of the network is to elect Republicans of the most business-humping possible slant, with the sub-goal of supporting whatever other maudlin social crapfest could maybe be tweaked to provide a bit more support for that particular subset of Republicans, but one of the lesser goals, maybe third or fourth, seems to be to make sure that Christianity and all other modern religions are represented by really just the worst and most comically insincere spokescritters ever, all marshaled behind the eternally crabby forces of Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity and whoever else wants to claim that everyone else on the planet hates Jesus because only people who hate Jesus would be against drilling for oil underneath your kid's preschool sandbox, or against another tax break for freakishly rich people, or against torture or tea partiers or this-or-that industrial toxin (tastes like freedom!) or whatever else drops into the ol' Inbox of Ultimate Panic on any particular afternoon. Then someone quotes a Bible verse or two somewhere in mid-December and it's all supposed to be all nice and Christian and stuff again. An entire holiday season based around the Elmer Gantry fan fiction Murdock wrote back when he was a Victorian-era chimney sweep.

Merry Christmas, all you heathen scum. Now let's get back to screwing with your Medicare yet again, because Jesus says you should only get treatment for your cancer if you can damn well afford it.

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