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Given the strong likelihood that Gay Marriages performed in California, Massachussetts, Maine, Iowa, and other forward looking states, (as well as within the military), will be entitled to the Full Faith and Credit of unions across the country,  it is likely that the US Supreme Court will bow to the inevitable and allow recognition of all such unions throughout the United States and America.

In the aftermath of the Sandy Hook disaster, Texas Governor Perry suggested that teachers be armed, to the rousing cheers of old, angry, bible beating, white men, whose own children are approaching the age of retirement. Florida pols suggested arming guards and posting them in every kindergarden. South Carolina is considering decreasing the age of gun ownership to 12, from 18, assuming that the 12 year old is capable of  holding a S&W .45 caliber revolver for at least five seconds at arm's length.

Unlike the blatantly unconstitutional moves by Colorado's, Illinois', New York's and New Jersey's governors, most southern christian states are increasing access to guns, especially when there are children involved. Even by their wonderful standard's, Tennessee's approach is something to behold and celebrate.

From the Church of Ineffable Stupidity:

Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam (R-NRA) announced a new approach in defense of gun ownership and maintaining a person's 1st, 2nd, 5th, and 21st Amendment rights.

"Now, yall y'ankees and northerners are so intent on marrying your brothers and male cousins, sumtin we in the god-fearin south would nevah do, that we done decided to return the favor.

"Yesterday, we announced our plan to arm all teachers in schools, including home schoolin schools, which we believe will offer an incredible increase in school security, class discipline, and incentive to learn your all kids on readin and ritin. Honestly, there's nuttin like .223 caliber bullet to learn a kid about the birds and the bees, and how our great flat earth was creationed in just seven days.

"But, after meeting with ALEC, local members of the NRA (who just happen to all sit in the state house and senate),  and the local representatives of the Gun Owners of Murrica, we realized that Tennessee owes its kids more than just a good, solid biblical foundation in educatin, and us learnin them their facts,  we have to be proactive in how we protect our rights as citizens of this fine state.

"Well, if marriage is good enough for two homos, even if it is against every page in our scriptures, even if it is immoral, a mortal sin, and an insult to god, even if every time a couple of guys marry, it is like pissin in God's ear, even if that is OK for people in this country, then we should treat our other constitutions rights the same damn way. As of this FRiday, anyone who wishes to apply for a conceal carry license, will be entitled to get one, DEmocrat party and libruls excepted. (and besides, why would they want sumtin like a gun permit anyways?).

"On top of that, we will be issuing marriage licenses for people who own AR 15 or other assault rifles. We figure if two men can get married, and frankly, I know and you know a whole hell of a lot more folks who loves their assault rifles a hell of a lot more than their spouses, why can't a god fearin fellow (or little lady, if she's smart) WHY Can't a god fearin fellow marry that which is closest to his heart? His AR-15 rifle. His Smith and Wessen, or even a damn illegal immigrant like a barretta.  

"And now that the Supreme Robes is gunna be calling homo-marriage legal across this god fearin nation, the least that they can do is recconize the even stronger, and more biblical relationship between a man and his gun. This marriage license will allow every god fearin christian to conceal carry his most beloved, irregardless and not dependin on which state he or she decideds to travel in.

"If the supremes can legislate from the bench and allow two men to get hitched, then the marriage between guns and men should have the same protection, ex-specially if they's got a conceal carry license already!

"God bless Tennessee, the GOP, and the Tea Party, and to hell with the rest of yall yankees and libruls."

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Steven D, Hey338Too, Justus

    What we call god is merely a living creature with superior technology & understanding. If their fragile egos demand prayer, they lose that superiority.

    by agnostic on Tue Dec 18, 2012 at 01:53:01 PM PST

  •  So fundies were right about the slippery slope! (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    There's no end in sight to the perversion.  Man on man, man on dog, dog on car, and now man on gun!

    •  ii sincerely the "snark" aspect of my current (0+ / 0-)

      disgust is not ignored.

      20 kids dead, and these southern govs want to INCREASE the number of guns in school?

      At least that moron in Michigan saw the light and will veto michigan's new gun laws. Or so he said. Given his record on free to work for free legislation, he may change his mind at any time.

      What we call god is merely a living creature with superior technology & understanding. If their fragile egos demand prayer, they lose that superiority.

      by agnostic on Tue Dec 18, 2012 at 02:01:18 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Yes (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    agnostic, Hey338Too

    I spotted the snark from the title.  Getting harder to do, though, these days.

    Fun (in a darkly comic sense) read.

    "If you tell the truth, you'll eventually be found out." Mark Twain

    by Steven D on Tue Dec 18, 2012 at 02:10:33 PM PST

    •  taint that the truth? (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Steven D

      although listening to a couple of congresscritters, two guvs (TN & TX) was enough to make me feel despair.

      What we call god is merely a living creature with superior technology & understanding. If their fragile egos demand prayer, they lose that superiority.

      by agnostic on Tue Dec 18, 2012 at 03:11:47 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  With some oil as lubricant... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    they can F themselves with their guns.

    couldn't resist.

    Why hello there reality, how are you doing?

    by Future Gazer on Tue Dec 18, 2012 at 02:13:36 PM PST

  •  And with their .22 caliber dicks (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ColoTim, agnostic, Hey338Too

    they can actually consummate their marriage.

    The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

    by xxdr zombiexx on Tue Dec 18, 2012 at 02:19:50 PM PST

  •  See, Santorum was right! (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Miggles, agnostic

    If you allow two men to marry, next thing you know people will be marrying their dogs or their assault rifles.

    (Sorry, that popped into my head when I read the title of this diary.)

    •  that did have some impact on my diary. (0+ / 0-)

      although I don't think he comes from tennessee. In fact, I can't tell which state he claims, given his tax, skule, and other conflicting claims.

      What we call god is merely a living creature with superior technology & understanding. If their fragile egos demand prayer, they lose that superiority.

      by agnostic on Tue Dec 18, 2012 at 03:13:34 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Well, actually marriages are supposed to be (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    agnostic, Hey338Too

    between two sentient beings.  Sadly, the human - gun marriages proposed here are not between sentient beings.  The fact that both are non-sentient actually makes them equal before the Lord, so it probably would still work.

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