Staring up at the night sky is a great way to reaffirm your meaningless existence in this universe.
After a major disaster, everybody’s fighting for food/water. I’d be at the pharmacy strolling a shopping cart through the narcotics aisle.
I hope to one day wake up to the headline “Asteroid lands on Westboro Baptist Church. A few million Americans planning to picket funerals.”
I think we’re playing a really long game of peekaboo with the sun.
Ending a hug with a double tap on the back is a woman’s way of politely banning you from her vagina.
Women just want to make us better men, not drain our life essence. And sharks are just trying to kiss us but their teeth get in the way.
So it's okay to show a man's nipples in public, but not a woman's. Just another reason why humans are idiots.
'Pussy' is an insult? Punch someone in the vagina then punch someone in the balls, and see who goes down faster.
Deep down, you just know Snow White gave Dopey a pity hand job.