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I go away for almost all of 2011 and 2012 and when I come back, you fuckers are still bitching about the same old shit. What the fucking fuck? Why are you all still hung up on this useless whining?

This fight is so fucking stupid. I happily voted for the President and I think he rocks. I'd do it again if it was constitutionally-allowed, because he makes the fucking Republicans squeal and that is music to my fucking ears. I also own three of Matt Taibbi's books and love reading them and I think he's pretty awesome as well. OH MY GOD THE CONTRADICTIONS.

This fight is so fucking stupid. I've seen more discipline and self-control in a classroom full of sugar-stuffed 8th graders on Halloween or Valentine's Day. Good fucking lord, Journalist X is full of shit or Official Y is a lying bastard! What the fuck else is new? Obama is Bush is Clinton is Reagan is Nixon is THE WORST PRESIDENT EVAR. Matt Taibbi is Amy Goodman is Megan McArdle is Josh Marshall is Andrew Sullivan is David Brooks is H.L. Fucking Mencken is THE WORST PUNDIT EVAR.

This fight is so fucking stupid. The black and white with-us-or-against-us bullshit that BOTH FUCKING SIDES of this useless-as-shit pie fight is the biggest fucking turn-off this site has ever seen. Yes, ever. My four digit fucking I.D. says so. Get the fuck over yourselves. You're not "advancing the dialogue" or "setting the record straight" or defending the weak or championing the light and truth against the Evil Other.

This fight is so fucking stupid. All of you need to fucking go outside and enjoy your fucking lives and get something constructive done for yourself. Yes, of course that's a fucking cliché to say it, but we reached that point long years ago. So eat the fucking cliché and swallow your fucking pride and ego and conviction and shit it all out.

This fight is so fucking stupid. Diarists on both sides of this need to seriously look at themselves in the mirror and ask themselves why—truly, WHY?—they still engage in this bullshit comment after comment after diary after diary after day after fucking day. You are all otherwise sane and intelligent people. I know many of you to varying degrees, so I know this to be true—which is why it's so fucking ridiculous that you all lose your fucking minds over this shit every day.

This fight is so fucking stupid. Why are you all doing this? Do you want attention? Do you really think a fucking pie fight on Daily fucking Kos will change the course of the nation? Do you feel insecure for some reason? Do attacks on the President feel like attacks on you? Do attacks on some journalist feel like attacks on you? Do attacks on the Democratic Party or Occupy or Cenk fucking Uygur or Rahm fucking Emmanuel turn your brain into tapioca and unleash that hidden rage that you've bottled up ever since [insert horrible thing] happened to you? If so, WHY? If it's just because SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET IS WRONG then fuck off and grow up.

This fight is so fucking stupid that we're reduced to calling each other brain-meltingly asinine names like "Obamabot" or "Firebagger" or "Emoprog" or whatever the fuck else you fucking people call each other to make yourselves feel better and force those horrible awful losers into some wretched pit of dehumanized filth that THANK GOD WE'LL NEVER BE LIKE OH MY GOD.

This fight is so fucking stupid. Markos should fucking ban every single one of you. Fighting makes you all look useless and weak and petty and insecure and fearful and immature and of course I know I look like that right now too, you fucking asshole. I'm your fucking ugly-ass mirror and YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: Nick Cave solves everything:

MOAR UPDATE OMG: Because I'm lazy and stupid, in the comments I mis-identified citizen k as citizen x. Oops. That diary still sucks, of course—but then so does this one, so la-dee-da.

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