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First Late Night Snark of Aught Thirteen

Jack lew's signature
"Folks, once Jack Lew becomes Secretary of the Treasury, this pubic hair masquerading as an autograph will appear on all our money, making our currency a laughingstock!  Our money should have nothing ridiculous on it…just old men in wigs and pyramids with eyes."
---Stephen Colbert
"Chuck Hagel is the new Secretary of Defense nominee. They're saying that he may be reluctant to send troops into a war zone needlessly. What kind of a nutjob is this guy?"
---David Letterman
"Chris Christie lashed out at Congress for doing nothing for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. But in their defense Congress says, 'Hey, we don't do anything for anybody.'"
---Jay Leno
"The 2013 Oscar nominations were announced today. Lincoln earned the most nominations of any movie. I have a feeling that if he were alive today, Lincoln would say, 'What's a movie?'"
---Jimmy Fallon
"No one's taking away all the guns. But now I get I see what's happening. So this is what it is: their paranoid fear of a 'possible' dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present. We can't even begin to address 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, happening in this country every year because a few of us must remain vigilant against the rise of Imaginary Hitler."
---Jon Stewart
And two years ago:
"Republicans took control of the House for the first time in four years. They say they’re going to stick to a strict interpretation of the Constitution. I hope you didn’t like voting, women and non-whites."
---Jimmy Kimmel
Your west coast-friendly edition of  Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, January 11, 2013

Netroots nation San Jose logo
Note: Netroots Nation is now accepting proposals for panels at the 8th annual convention (San Jose, June 20-23).  Click here for the guidelines and submission form.  I call dibs on writing the proposal for the panel called How to Write A Proposal for a Panel called How to Call Dibs on Proposing a Panel.


By the Numbers:
Days 'til Obama's inauguration: 10
Days 'til the Chinese New Year (of the snake): 30
Pirate hijackings in the Gulf of Aden and the Somalia coast region in 2010 and 2012, respectively: 44 / 7
(Source: USA Today)
Percent of the financial wealth of the nation owned by the top 1 percent: 42%
Percent of the financial wealth of the nation owned by the bottom 60 percent: 2.3%
(Source: Senator Bernie Sanders)
Number of inaugural balls in 2009 and scheduled for this year: 10 / 2
Last year in which an actor was Oscar-nominated for playing Abraham Lincoln: 1940 (Raymond Massey for Abe Lincoln in Illinois)


Puppy Pic of the Day:  Puppy Pile!!!!!!!


Jim Hightower at Netroots Nation in Austin, July 2008
Jim Hightower at Netroots
Nation 2008 in Austin
CHEERS to Texans with 'Tude.  One of the great pleasures of stomping around Austin in 97-bazillion-degree heat with the Netroots Nation hooligans back in '08 was the chance to meet liberal activist, populist and rabble-rouser Jim Hightower, of whom Molly Ivins said: "If Will Rogers and Mother Jones had a baby, Jim Hightower would be that rambunctious child---mad as hell, with a sense of humor." Darn fine writer, too:
Washington keeps handing massive bailouts to Wall Street giants and multibillion-dollar annual subsidies to the likes of Big Oil, which is a nice boost to the bottom lines of the 1-percenters. But these giveaways do nothing to perk up America's grassroots economy, which not only is where the rest of us live and work, but also is the only place that can generate real national prosperity. Congress can't seem to grasp a basic law of nature: you can't keep a mighty tree alive (much less expect it to thrive) by only spritzing the fine leaves at its tippy-top. The fate of the whole tree depends on nurturing the grassroots.

Sadly, America's corporate and political powers today are content to be a bunch of leaf spritzers, blithely oblivious to the dangerous shriveling of the grassroots.

But nothing beats his signature line: "There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos."  Happy 70th birthday, sir.  And many blessings on your Stetson.

JEERS to going round and round about rounds and rounds.  Yesterday Vice President Biden met with a representative of the NRA and other opponents of gun control to get their views on curbing bullet-related violence in our gun-happy country.  Staring down the barrel of history and aiming for an advantage, both sides came to the table locked and loaded.  Each side rifled through their ideas and then shot from the lip.  Many were blasted.  Some drew fire.  They occasionally hit the bullseye, but sometimes ended up shooting blanks and missing the mark.  By the end, everybody was up in arms and nobody was blown away, that is if you don’t count gun-cliché enthusiasts, who called it the greatest day of their life.

JEERS to Camp Sunshine.  My, how time flies when your captors are flushing your Quran down the toilet in your cell.  Today marks the 11th anniversary of the grand opening of the gulag at Gitmo.  And, boy, do I feel safer:

Guantanamo Bay prison
"Come on down to America's
Stress Position Emporium--
for all your stress position needs!"
Adnan Farhan Abdul Latif recently died in solitary confinement at Guantánamo at age 36, after nearly 11 years of imprisonment there, despite never having been charged with a crime.  Last month his body was returned to his family in Yemen, but we are left with many unanswered questions about his imprisonment and death. … These questions are not just about Adnan Latif.  They also address the injustices that our government has instituted and normalized in the war on terror.
To mark today's anniversary, all the inmates got a double-hosedown and eleven tiny candles in their swill.

Alexander Hamilton
One of America's
Founding Pervs
CHEERS to the not-so-artful dodger.  Happy 258th birthday to Alexander Hamilton.  He was one of our country's youngest Founding Fathers, but he wasn't very good at avoiding controversy (adultery, skullduggery in the 1800 election) or ye olde musket ball.  And here's something for Triciawyse's next pootie post:
People today still name their tomcats after Alexander Hamilton in deference to his infamous many extramarital affairs. Martha Washington was the first as she named her large carousing tomcat 'Hamilton.'
Pay your respects here.  Or just pull out a ten-spot and pat his head.

CHEERS to clearing the air....and the lungs. Forty-nine years ago today, in 1964, U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry issued the first government report saying smoking may be hazardous to your health. (This came as quite a shock to some of tobacco's most fervent supporters, like doctors and Ronald Reagan.) The report had quite the impact:

John Baohner surrounded by cigarette smoke
What a role model.
The landmark Surgeon General's report on smoking and health stimulated a greatly increased concern about tobacco on the part of the American public and government policymakers and led to a broad-based anti-smoking campaign. ... The report was also responsible for the passage of the Cigarette Labeling and Advertising Act of 1965, which, among other things, mandated the familiar Surgeon General's health warnings on cigarette packages.
If you're in the process of quitting or thinking of quitting, stop by the daily GUS (Giving Up Smoking) diaries for tips and support.  A nice side benefit: since my partner, Michael (Common Sense Mainer) quit nearly five years ago, we've saved over $20,000.  Or as Mitt Romney would call it: two bets.

CHEERS to home vegetation.  The weekend TV beckons, and I shall heed its siren song, starting with Shark Tank tonight.  New DVD releases include Tim Burton's Oscar-nominated Frankenweenie and the Emmy-winning Game Change.  The Miss America pageant is tomorrow night, and as usual I'm voting for the contestant who juggles cellos while singing Nessun Dorma.  The NFL schedule is here.  (The Patriots will force the Texans to secede...from their Super Bowl hopes Ha Ha Ha!!!)  On 60 Minutes: Robots and free divers and Lionel Messi, oh my!  And the Golden Globes are on Sunday night (more on that below).

Bill Moyers & Company is must-watch this weekend, thanks to the brilliant booking of one Paul the Krugman.  The sites for "Up! with Chris Hayes" and Melissa Harris- Perry are here and here.  And here's your Sunday morning lineup.  Keep your eyes peeled for John McCain's first Sunday morning appearance of 2013.  It may be lurking here:

Paul Krugman, holding cat
Paul Krugman plots world
domination on "This Week"
and on "Bill Moyers & Co."
Meet the Press: Colin Powell confirms Chuck Hagel; roundtable with Cory Booker, Andrea Mitchell, Mike Murphy and Haley Barbour.

This Week: Sens. Jack Reed (D-RI), Joe Manchin (D-WV) and Bob Corker (R-TN); Jon Huntsman; Council on Foreign Relations President Richard Haass; ABC News' Martha Raddatz; roundtable with Paul Krugman, Peggy Noonan, Al Hunt, Judy Woodruff and former U.S. Comptroller General David Walker.

CNN's State of the Union: Not sure.  They're pokey about updating their site.  Suffice it to say the roster will be populated with Very Serious People.

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sens. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) and Kelly Ayotte (R-NH); roundtable with Brit Hume, Bob Woodward, Kimberly Strassel and Evan Bayh.

Face the Nation: Ding Ding Ding!!!  WE HAVE A JOHN McCAIN SIGHTING!!! Yes, it's Bob Schieffer's turn to babysit the old fool while Cindy goes shopping.  Plus General Stanley McChrystal hawks his new book; Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) and L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa talk gun violence; roundtable with Rajiv Chandrasekaran (WaPost), Amy Walter (Cook) and CBS News Political Director John Dickerson.

Happy viewing!


Five years ago in C&J: January 11, 2008

JEERS to one less wrestler in the ring.  Governor Bill Richardson officially bowed out of the presidential race yesterday.  But he still plans to do sleepovers with every Democrat in America.  Be warned: he yodels when he's in the REM stage.

JEERS to bailouts that should've never been necessary.  Bank of America is buying America's largest and least gravity-proof mortgage lender, Countrywide Financial, for six billion dollars.  No, wait...five billion dollars.  No, wait...four billion dollars.  No, wait...five dollars and a ham sandwich.  Quick---somebody sign the goddam papers while they're still worth something!


And just one more…

CHEERS to the Night Of A Hundred Drunken Celebrities.  The Golden Globes---chosen by a handful of eccentric international journalists and hosted this year by Amy Poehler and Tina Fey---will be handed out Sunday.  They tend to be more raucous than the Oscars, in part because they start serving booze three hours before the show starts. You can peruse the nominations here.  Since I'm a sucker for uninformed predictions, here's who I think will win (different from who I think "should" win, which would be, of course, Beverly Hills Chihahua III in every single category):

Daniel Day-Lewis is a lock.
Picture (drama): Lincoln
Picture (musical or comedy): Silver Linings Playbook
Director: Steven Spielberg for Lincoln
Actor (drama): Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln
Actor (comedy): Bradley Cooper for Silver Linings Playbook
Actress (drama): Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty
Actress (comedy): Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook
Supporting Actor: Tommy Lee Jones for Lincoln
Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway for Les Miserables
As usual, the most nervous person in the room won’t be a nominee---it'll be the guy in charge of the "bleep" button.

Have a great weekend!  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?



Who won the week?

9%446 votes
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43%2013 votes
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9%436 votes
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8%385 votes

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