Imagine my astonishment when i received the following as an attachment to a White House robot email response. You see, a few days ago I sent an email urging President Obama to support a new bill in the Wyoming legislature requiring all citizens, and children of citizens in Wyoming large enough to hold them up and pull a trigger, to carry firearms in schools, cinemas, workplaces, nurseries, churches and hospitals, and to reduce all murder charges to misdemeanors. The response i got was the usual thanks-for-your-email but it had this attachment which i have to think was a mistake, but it's not for me to judge which is why i am putting it out here to see what others think:
WH STAFF DRAFT 134
TO: POTUS
RE: DEBT CEILING VOTE
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Tonight your government stands in a position it has never before had to face since Alexander Hamilton, the first Secretary of the Treasury, had to work out a way for the Government of the United States of America, your government, to pay its bills. Tonight i am sad to report that because Republicans in the House of Representatives and in the Senate banded together to deny the Treasury of the United States the means to pay its bills for debts that the Congress has already created, your government stands on the brink of default.
Now you may or may not understand exactly how financing the federal government works, or how financial markets work. It's pretty clear the Republican Party has no idea, and if they don't, why should i expect that of the 50 million idiots who voted for them in the last election? For those of you who do understand, there's no point in going over it all again and further interrupting television viewing for longer than the average 3 minutes of commercials.
(POTUS smiles)
So, I sit here before you to let you know we still do have some money, just not enough to meet all obligations, and that money is going to last about as long as a 70 year old man's hard-on without Viagra, or maybe even with? (POTUS smiles) The point is the Republican just took your Viagra and flushed it down the toilet along with the economy and for those of you who still don't understand, that means your paycheck is about to be history.
There's nothing i can do about that, except pay the bills we can still afford to pay. Unfortunately, we have to pick which ones to pay. The first choices aren't that hard, the others we'll have to think about, but savings can be immediately realized by making some cuts.
So i am announcing tonight that we have made a list of the payments the United States Government will stop paying as of tomorrow. They include the paychecks of all Republicans in the United States Congress. They also include all payments owing to congressional districts that voted a Republican into Congress in the last election, and they include all states who elected Republican senators. And that means ALL BILLS. (POTUS smiles)
Looking for your farm subsidy? Look somewhere else. Medicare funding? Social Security funding? If you voted Republican, I got your Tea Party right here, morons. Looking for your Treasury bonds to pay up? If you're the Koch Brothers or Sheldon Whatisname or any other Republican shill, greedy rich boy Republican supporter, you're SOL. Renting federal land at $1/ acre for your 100,000 cattle ranch and you voted Republican? Your rent's about to go way up, asshole.
(POTUS smiles)
Hey, i can do this all day.
Or you can call your Republican representatives and give them an ass kicking they'll never forget.
(POTUS smiles)
Your move, dumbass.