Skip to main content

Democrats Troll Republicans is a nice headline, and one we should see more of. In this case, it's the DCCC giving helpful advice to Republicans on what sorts of things might be useful during Republicans' annual retreat, this week.
Among the "suggested" agenda items complied by the DCCC: breakfast paid for by lobbyists, "Science 101," a workshop on "How to stop talking about 'legitimate rape' and insulting women," a math course on "counting to 218 votes" — and, of course, trust falls.

Also on the suggested topics to be discussed: "How to increase our approval ratings: What root canals, traffic jams, cockroaches and head lice are doing right."

Ah, but "How to stop talking about 'legitimate rape" is a training program that already actually exists! Silly DCCC, you have to keep up if you're going to satirize these people. You think it's easy making fun of people who condemn U.N. treaties to help handicapped people as a threat to American sovereignty? Whose leading lights are constantly getting arrested for drunken escapades or getting caught hiking the ol' Appalachian Trail, as the kids say today? No, making fun of the current mess that is the Republican Party is not for the faint of heart.

There's only one thing I want from this year's Republican retreat. Only one. I want a videotape of the part where they try to explain math to their dumber members. I reckon they'll be putting Paul Ryan to the front of the room for that one, the blind leading the blind, and they'll compare the federal budget to a family budget, and Steve King will play the drunken father who says damn it, we've been spending too much, so what we're gonna do here is keep spending that much but not pay any of the bills, take that VISA card, because that's what responsible families do. Then they'll all get drunk, rent boats and crash into each other to express their extreme disappointment with the lack of support for traditional, adultery-rich marriage these days. That last part doesn't have anything to do with math, mind you, but I have the distinct feeling that the current Republican membership can't talk math for more than 10 minutes at a time unless copious amounts of whiskey are involved—which is incidentally why the last Paul Ryan budget proposal included only three pages of hard numbers, with all remaining pages consisting of sketches of a jetpack-wearing Paul Ryan battling various Japanese movie monsters.

Where was I? Ah yes, the DCCC giving helpful advice to Republicans on the subject of their annual retreat. Go nuts, commenters. I'm sure we're just chock full of ideas for how Boehner can wring the very best out of this collection of misfits and rape-opinion-havers.

Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags


More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

  •  My advice to Republicans: (33+ / 0-)

    Keep doing what you're doing. People are figuring out just how nutz you are.

    Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.
    ~ Jerry Garcia

    by DeadHead on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:05:53 PM PST

  •  Someone ought to ... (16+ / 0-)

    ... explain to the House Republicans that they can't call this a "retreat" any more. It's a full rout.

  •  You guys are right on. Keep doing what you're (6+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Railfan, Vatexia, kat68, mrsgoo, rabel, Sue B

    doing. Full steam ahead. Stay the course. Conservative ideas always win.

    Do you feel all, er, bucked up now?

    "They come, they come To build a wall between us We know they won't win."--Crowded House, "Don't Dream It's Over."

    by Wildthumb on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:07:37 PM PST

  •  The Republican party (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Railfan, glitterscale

    in a NUTshell.  

    Political compass: -8.75 / -4.72

    by Mark Mywurtz on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:08:16 PM PST

  •  Communicating with the Female Voter: (11+ / 0-)

    How to make the vaginal probe more popular.

    It's the Supreme Court, stupid!

    by Radiowalla on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:08:32 PM PST

  •  Go Galt (8+ / 0-)

    Then people will understand your awesomeness. And please proceed.

  •  LOL (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    I am pretty sure that they will come out of the retreat thinking they are not conservative enough.  They will still believe science is bad, rape (if god wills it) is good, that math is a liberal conspiracy, and that somehow this is what the American public wants.

  •  Coup Plotting 101: Keys to a Successfull Putsch (12+ / 0-)

    Rule #1: Don't make your plans in a bar.

    Rule #2: Don't flash your plan on your IPad in view of photographers.

    Rule #3: Make sure your plotters know they are actually part of the coup and let them know earlier than 15 minutes before the coup.

    Rule #4: Pick someone to take over if the coup is successfull.

    Rule #5: Allen West is not an option.

    Added note: This course is required for Tim Hulsekamp and Justin Amash to get full academic credit. If not, they must take Remedial Government 101 again.

  •  I've Had 2 Political Opinion Poll Calls This Week (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Railfan, Vatexia, DuzT

    here in NE Ohio.

    This almost certainly means something.

    We are called to speak for the weak, for the voiceless, for victims of our nation and for those it calls enemy.... --ML King "Beyond Vietnam"

    by Gooserock on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:09:38 PM PST

  •  CSpan archives. Nov 5, 1993. One more time. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    This American Conservative Forum meeting happened not very long after Bill Clinton cleaned their clock. Allow me to take you to memory lane again.

    Jeff Bell
    Board of Directors, American Conservative Union

    In the debate of where the republican party went wrong and where it needs to go, I think a lot is gonna happen to define the future, and I think the process of debating what happened in this election and where do we go from here is going to define a lot of the potential candidates.
    Rep Vin Weber
    The republicans were the party of economic change, and the party of change of programs that had become unpopular.

    We've lost that over the last four years. The image is just frayed, or obscured, or muddied somewhat.

    If the republican party is successful in rebuilding its image as an agent of change along the lines of conservative principles - market orientation, decentralization, traditional values, most of those pert voters are gonna be happy returning to the republican party because that's what they want. They want to associate with an entity, a party, a movement that stands for change. Only when we allow conservatism to be redefined backwards to a defense of the status quo or to a passivity, we lose those .. people.
    David Keene
    Chair, American Conservative Union
    The democratic political strategists knew exactly who was the target audience.
    Rep Vin Weber
    Reagan created a form of activist government based on conservative principles.
    Burt Pines
    Chairman, National Center For Public Policy Research
    Conservatism will be dynamic. We will have to come to terms and we will in the 5,000 meetings we're gonna be holding, and in the next three to four weeks to come to terms in fact with the role of government. We're gonna come to terms with how we get our message out better to blacks ,whom we want, and who identify themselves as 33% conservative. A plurality of blacks identify themselves as conservatives. How we get our message out to hispanics.

    cheerleaders need not apply.

    by kravitz on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:10:07 PM PST

    •  Party of Change??? (0+ / 0-)
      The republicans were the party of economic change, and the party of change...
      That quote in of it'self sums up the issue.  The nature of "true" conservationism is to resist change, to conserve.  Duh!  It's the ideology of the status-quo.

      The root of Progressive is progress which means, now get this, to move forward.  In other words to change.  Double Duh!!

      They have woven so many word pretzels that they can't even articulate their identity in a real sense.  

      Now of course the whole quote is change of programs that had become unpopular>  I assume as defined by their own navel gazing and not unpopular as in popular opinion.  See Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Universal Health Care, Bank Regulation, Gay Marriage, Financial Inequality, Jobs..... et al.  

      A bad idea isn't responsible for those who believe it. ---Stephen Cannell

      by YellerDog on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 09:45:56 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Remember, you never know where the cams are. (0+ / 0-)

    Just one cell phone is all it takes to splash you a la (sorry, that's French, I know) Mr. 47 Percent all over the intertubes.

  •  Mental illness... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    how not to be diagnosed and still get funding from the Kochs, Simmons, Petersons, de Vos'.

  •  Rocket Surgery 101 they need that one, Haa haa!!! (0+ / 0-)

    America, We blow stuff up!!

    by IndyinDelaware on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:28:50 PM PST

  •  Isn't this kinda like the Pelosi lap dog training (0+ / 0-)

    manual we were all incensed about?

  •  Trending: GOP= #GunsOverPeople (4+ / 0-)
  •  101 ways to keep proping up Zombie Reagan. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    What's so funny about peace, love, and understanding?

    by kpelligra on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:32:26 PM PST

  •  American Horror Story Season 3: Republicanitorium (0+ / 0-)

    Starring Jessica Lange as Kay Bailey's Irish Cream, and Dermot Mulroney Dylan McDermott as Dr. Rand Ayn.

    Special appearance by Zachary Quinto as Marcus Bachmann.

    The number to call is BR-549.

    by lotac on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:33:54 PM PST

  •  So, are they holding this retreat at Glenn Beck's (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Radiowalla, JeffW

    Libertarian theme park?

  •  Shhhhhhhh! (0+ / 0-)

    Please. Please. Don't give them any clues.

  •  My Suggestions to the RNC Retreat (0+ / 0-)

    Emulate and improve upon your Missouri brethren: 1. Hire Mr. Akin's (of MO) physician to explain that rape thing more fully, so the next Republican who espouses the theory can be more clear; 2. Get the Speaker to put up a Limbaugh bust somewhere; 3. Applaud and aid those states who wish to make felons of those who obey Federal gun laws if said laws are not MO laws.
    That last one might not yet be a MO move, but they'll think of it soon.

  •  Haha they never change (2+ / 0-)

    I just wrote my stupid fucking Senator - his quote about gun legislation is the same thing he said about the ACA - blah, blah, overreaching, blah blah, erosion of rights. Same as it ever was. The party of cut and paste - if it weren't for ALEC they wouldn't know what the fuck they were supposed to do different from last year.

    I'm pretty tired of being told what I care about.

    by hulibow on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:38:30 PM PST

  •  I have a few topics I'd suggest: (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ricardo gonzalez, stvnjon
    * Why a Democratic President hires his Chiefs of Staff who have worked for / benefited from Wall Street Banks

    * Why a Democratic President publicly championed the Patriot Act

    * Why a Democratic President has pushed through Free Trade Deals his Rethuglican Predecessor couldn't: S. Korea, Panama, Columbia

    * Why a Democratic President is pushing through, in secret, negotiations for the Trans Pacific Partnership

    * Why a Democratic President put Michael Taylor, a known Executive & Lobbyist for 15+yrs at Monsanto, in at the FDA into a top management spot

    * Why a Democratic President's Administration publicly stated they were opposed to Glass-Steagal

    * Why a Democratic President's Department of Justice has demurred on bringing Wall Street Criminals to justice

    * Why a Democratic President publicly stated during the Presidential Debates that "Corporate Taxes Are Too High"

    * Why a Democratic President created a "Deficit Commission" (a right wing talking point is the 'deficit / Austerity') and stacked the Commission with anti-social program zealots, including co-chair Alan Simpson

    * Why a Democratic President asserts the right to secretly issue orders of targeted murder - with no restraint other than his own power and asserts that any knowledge of such decisions must remain secret and above review

    * Why a Democratic President publicly praises Wall Street Thugs as "Savvy Businessmen" who "work hard" for their

    * Why a Democratic President advances the right-wing meme of "Shared Sacrifice" when for the past 40 years the 99% have sacrificed to the benefit of the 1% (really?  the 99% needs to 'sacrifice' more?)

    * Why a Democratic President linked Social Security to the General Fund (Deficit link) for the first time in its history

    * Why a Democratic President advances the right-wing 1% meme that Social Security needs to be "Saved" and advances the meme that it is a problem associated with the Deficit

    * Why a Democratic President turned over control of the Gulf to BP, allowing them to control access and limit what people can/cannot "see" or examine

    Not all the issues, certainly.  But a decent start.

    We now return you to your regularly scheduled program of social issues & party politics.  Bring out the wrestlers!

    The excuses for Obama's behavior have long since passed the point of predictability neccessary to qualify as an absurd production of Kabuki Theater.

    by Johnathan Ivan on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:41:01 PM PST

    •  Tipped and hailed by a troll. (3+ / 0-)

      That's something, I guess.

    •  You take a wrong turn in cyber space? n/t (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      kat68, Sue B, volleyboy1

      "The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed." ~ Steven Biko

      by Marjmar on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:47:38 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I stated a listing of facts. Please feel (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        ricardo gonzalez

        free to cite those that are in error.

        Or, feel free to bury your head in the sand.

        As for taking a wrong turn?  

        Is this now a Fact Free Zone?  Or dare we actually confront Unpleasant Facts.

        The excuses for Obama's behavior have long since passed the point of predictability neccessary to qualify as an absurd production of Kabuki Theater.

        by Johnathan Ivan on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 08:04:36 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  Your "facts" aren't. (0+ / 0-)

          They're more editorialized spin, than anything actually rooted in fact; the proverbial grains of salt.

          My head may be buried in the sand.  Yours?  I wonder if you consumed the usual polyethylene glycol before taking the "plunge"...

          "The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed." ~ Steven Biko

          by Marjmar on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 08:39:43 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  I see (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:

            jonahan Ivan's list as prompting the Republicans to run to the left of the Democrats next time around.

            I'd like to see Boner sell that to his cadres.

            Orly, it isn't evidence just because you downloaded it from the internet.

            by 6412093 on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 11:08:48 PM PST

            [ Parent ]

          •  Really? (0+ / 0-)

            Please enlighten me as to which facts I posted are "editorialized spin".  

            Was it Free Trade w/ S. Korea, Panama, and Columbia?

            Bloomberg:  Obama signs Free Trade Deal:

            “American job creators will have new opportunities to expand and hire as they access new markets abroad,” U.S. House Speaker John Boehner, an Ohio Republican, said in a statement after the measures were signed."

            Was Bloomberg making it up?  Why wasn't John Boehner opposed?  Did the GOP forget they oppose everything Obama does?

            Perhaps those jobs going overseas are just "editorialized spin"?  Like NAFTA?

            How about the Patriot Act?

            LA TIMES:  Patriot Act Provisions Extended Just In Time:

            Obama, attending an international summit in France, awoke early Friday to review and approve the bill, directing that it be signed in Washington by automatic pen before the provisions expired at midnight Thursday Eastern time.

            The administration had warned Congress that any interruption in the surveillance authority would threaten national security.

            Now that right there is some mighty-fine Editorializing, Yes Sir!  No facts here sir, just Editorializing.

            What about public praise of Wall Street Thugs?

            Think Progress:

            QUESTION: Let’s talk bonuses for a minute: Lloyd Blankfein, $9 million; Jamie Dimon, $17 million. Now, granted, those were in stock and less than what some had expected. But are those numbers okay?

            THE PRESIDENT: Well, look, first of all, I know both those guys. They’re very savvy businessmen. And I, like most of the American people, don’t begrudge people success or wealth. That’s part of the free market system. I do think that the compensation packages that we’ve seen over the last decade at least have not matched up always to performance.

            Why, who knew Wall Street Thugs were so Savvy and Respectable.  I always kinda thought they were evil greedy fucks who wanted to impoverish the 99% for their own personal advantage.

            Alex, can we have some more praise of Wall Street Thugs for $100?

            NBC NEWS:

            “JPMorgan is one of the best managed banks there is. Jamie Dimon, the head of it, is one of the smartest bankers we got and they still lost $2 billion and counting,” the president said. “We don’t know all the details. It’s going to be investigated, but this is why we passed Wall Street reform.” -- Obama

            Did someone say reform?  That right there is some mighty fine reform, eh?  Banks can vaporize billions.. and then have their Executive Thug Leadership praised by the President of the United States - a Democrat, no less - for demonstrating such stellar leadership.

            Care to tell me about how the 99% need another helping of Shared Sacrifice Pie and how we need to "Save" Social Security?  Cause - you know - that ol' Social Security must have something awful to do with the Deficit.  

            Otherwise Obama wouldn't focus on it, would he?

            Oh!  Look!  Here comes another serving of Free Trade - The Trans Pacific Partnership!  Yummy!

            Let me know if you need more citations... Or better yet, let me know which facts you refuse to recognize exist and I'll be happy to provide you an avalanche of evidence to bury any remaining ignorance on the subject.

            The excuses for Obama's behavior have long since passed the point of predictability neccessary to qualify as an absurd production of Kabuki Theater.

            by Johnathan Ivan on Thu Jan 17, 2013 at 04:26:45 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

            •  it's ok to be a little uncomfortable (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:

              Just because the dems are better that the GOPs doesn't mean criticizing them is off limits.  Making us think is different from trolling.

            •  You are definitely a concern troll. (0+ / 0-)

              Enjoy your verbal and mental masturbation.  I choose not to indulge you.



              "The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed." ~ Steven Biko

              by Marjmar on Thu Jan 17, 2013 at 06:12:09 AM PST

              [ Parent ]

              •  I don't know why (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                Johnathan Ivan

                you consider him a concern troll, nor do I care.  Frankly, the only “verbal and mental masturbation” going on here is yours, since you refuse to engage with the other party.  You seem to have nothing more than ad hominm arguments to make.

                President Obama campaigned on the slogan “Change you Can Believe In.”  As I’ve said before, so far I’m not seeing it.  I want answers to these questions as well.  There are many Not Good things going on at the Highest Level of Government, and attitudes there need to change in order for the promised Change to happen.  The first steps in solving any problem is recognizing that there is a problem, and then defining it.  Denial of the existence of a problem, and/or the misdefinition of the problem, assures its continuance.

                I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country. -- Thomas Jefferson

                by nilajean on Thu Jan 17, 2013 at 11:32:25 AM PST

                [ Parent ]

              •  No, what you choose is to distract and hurl (0+ / 0-)

                accusations because you cannot refute the facts which I cite.

                You know this isn't Red State, right?  

                Here on the Left we are supposed to embrace facts.  Even if they amount to inconvenient truths.

                I know you can't face them.  But they exist anyway.

                The excuses for Obama's behavior have long since passed the point of predictability neccessary to qualify as an absurd production of Kabuki Theater.

                by Johnathan Ivan on Thu Jan 17, 2013 at 04:09:07 PM PST

                [ Parent ]

    a math course on "counting to 218 votes"
    I think I just peed my drawers, a little!

    Too too too funny!

    "The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed." ~ Steven Biko

    by Marjmar on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:43:08 PM PST

  •  I think John Boehner should give a presentation (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    kat68, volleyboy1

    on "Dissolute Lifestyles for Conservatives." You know, don't be ashamed of your boozing, womanizing, and whatever, even if the libs are down on you.  

    It's here they got the range/ and the machinery for change/ and it's here they got the spiritual thirst. --Leonard Cohen

    by karmsy on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:45:28 PM PST

  •  "Changing-the-Subject Workshops" (0+ / 0-)

    Here's a good selection of them:

    What to say when someone points out that Obamacare doesn't come close to the publicly funded medical program Congress enjoys.

    How to deflect the conversation when the word "Sandy" pops up, in either context.

    Ways to talk about Social Security without saying "Social," which, of course, points out the fact that it is a very popular form of "Socialism."

    Strategies for dealing with your hard-on when Sarah Palin walks into the room.

    Strategies for dealing with your hard-on when Marco Rubio walks into the room.

    Strategies for dealing with your hard-on when daydreaming about Bushmaster products.

    How to get your wife to stop asking why you can't get it up any more.

    "Well, yeah, the Constitution is worth it if you succeed." - Nancy Pelosi // Question: "succeed" at what?

    by nailbender on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:46:39 PM PST

  •  OHIO (0+ / 0-)

    Sec of State Ohio Elections Calendar for 2013

    Ohio Ballot Measures 2013


    Ohio 2013 ballot measures
    Type     Title     Subject     Description
    CICA    Same-Sex Marriage Amendment    Marriage     Would allow religious institutions to choose whether to recognize same-sex marriage.

    Is Ohio having Board of Elections changes in the counties this year?

    Treasury secretaries from Goldman Sachs, Robert Rubin and Henry Paulson bear much of the blame for a financial services industry that went rogue and caused the worst financial crisis in generations.

    by anyname on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 07:53:49 PM PST

  •  Title of a Panel Session (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Radiowalla, mrsgoo, DuzT, volleyboy1

    "Mysterious Relationship Between The Numbers 0.47 and 270"

  •  Home Schooling (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    and---Other ways to keep our families stupid about math and science.  And teach them that the only TV station is FOX.

  •  You forgot the most crucial advice (0+ / 0-)

    To maximize security at their retreat, all paticipants should be required to carry AR-15s with 100-round magazines locked and loaded.  Safeties off, of course.

    What could possibly go wrong?

    The states must be abolished.

    by gtomkins on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 08:23:20 PM PST

  •  Stop please... (0+ / 0-)

    Don't give any more 'advice' to the Republicans.

    Good or bad.

    They'll screw things up better than anyone can imagine all by themselves.

  •  Karl Rove Seminar (0+ / 0-)

    How I Delivered Ohio - Tentatively Rescheduled for 2017 Retreat

    "Someone just turned the lights on in the bar and the sexiest state doesn't look so pretty anymore" CA Treasurer Bill Lockyer on Texas budget mess

    by CaliSista on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 10:10:54 PM PST

  •  "Back to our Roots" (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    Reinstating the Eisenhower Era tax cuts. Oh, wait ...

    Orly, it isn't evidence just because you downloaded it from the internet.

    by 6412093 on Wed Jan 16, 2013 at 11:10:41 PM PST

  •  seminar suggestion (0+ / 0-)

    How about:  "How to convince young voters you're the cool party regardless of homophobic policies/associations"

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site