If you're having a bad day, just imagine what sexual position you were conceived in. Chin up.
Honestly, I don’t give a fuck if she spits, swallows, or saves that shit in a Tupperware. What she does after the blowjob is her business.
Some people may be hotter than you, some may be in better shape, but remember: Everyone looks stupid when they yawn.
I know it may be hard to believe, but I've never stuck my toe in a vagina.
"As I sipped whiskey in the bathroom at Starbucks, I finally admitted that my life had gone off the rails."
As long as you've smoked enough PCP, it's never too late to have a happy childhood.
You can freebase anything if you try really hard.